Emergency Continued

MLO, my mom, dad and I hung out in that ER room for 5 hours. MLO slept about 30 minutes over two naps. Within the first hour after administration of the drugs the redness and swelling largely subsided. By the time we left he only looked vaguely splotchy and his one eye was puffy, but nothing like it was when we arrived that morning. We were prescribed an EpiPen to have with us at all times, and have been given an order for a blood test that will theoretically indicate to what he is allergic. It seems that he may have ingested trace amounts of peanutbutter that morning, so peanut is the most likely culprit, though we'll have a better idea after his allergy test. Neither Hubby nor I have food allergies, nor did we when we were children, so this came as a surprise. I don't look forward to the constant vigilance required of a parent whose child may have a life threatening reaction to a food, especially a food as prevalent as peanuts. Of course it's possible that he isn't allergic to peanuts, or that he will grow out of this allergy. The allergy testing is not terribly accurate, but it's better than nothing, so it should give us some information we can use. The bottom line is we have to just wait and see. As with all things baby, this characteristic is as likely to unpredictably change as it is to stay the same. I just wish the consequences weren't so scary!

Emergency

Well we made the first of what is likely to be many trips to the emergency room on Tuesday morning. MLO and I went up to hang with my folks for a couple of days on Monday morning. That night he had me up at 2:30, 3:30 and 5:30. He has four teeth working toward the surface so the nights have gotten rough again. After nursing him at 6:00 I decided to see if there was anyone up and willing to take the little bugger so I could rest some more. My dad was up and they shared some english muffin, played and wandered around. By 9:00 we were starting his meal of cereal and banana and I noticed that the skin around his left eye was red and puffy. That had happened the last time we visited my folks and the inflammation had receded pretty quickly. This time I commented that they must have something around the house to which he was allergic. After breakfast I tried to lay him down for a nap (he'd been up since 5:30). He whined and cried while I tried to finish my own breakfast before jumping in the shower and running off to an appointment at 10:45. As he got more frantic my mom decided to go in and soothe him. Based on his inability to calm down she got him up. That's when she noticed his eye.

MLO's eye had gotten so red and puffy that it looked as though he'd been hit. The eye was rapidly swelling shut. As my mom showed his face to me he turned his head and I noticed that he had what looked like red welts (or hives) on his neck and shoulders. This prompted me to call our pediatrician (250 miles away) and leave a message with the physician's assistant. In the intervening minutes between our initial inspection of his head and neck and the end of my call to the doctor's office the swelling on his face and neck had worsened and we noticed more hives. This is when I started to freak out. The swelling was spreading and becoming more intense at a rapid pace; the most dominant thought in my mind was, "How long until he can't breathe?"

I ripped open his button-down footie pajamas and my stomach dropped. He had angry red swollen hives all over his body. His groin, his underarms, his torso, arms, and legs were all covered in swelling hives. At that point I had two voices in my head. The first one said, "Emergency room now!" the second one said, " Stay calm, he's breathing fine, he isn't crying, don't lose your head." In an attempt to be fiscally responsible I called our insurance to try to figure out if I would be totally screwed if I took him to an emergency room. It sounded like I would be.

One of the insurance sanctioned alternatives to the ER was known to my mom as a good place to go so we decided to head there. As I turned onto a busy street I realized that we had miles of pokey downtown traffic through which to meander while the hospital was a quick 3 minutes away. While stopped in the turning lane at a light, I couldn't shake this feeling that my son could start having breathing problems and I would be stuck in downtown Monterey at some light while a steady line of tourists marched across the street in front of me. In tears, feeling literally damned if I did and damned if I didn't, I made a split second decision to rush to the hospital. I checked the lane next to me and barrelled through the green light.

MLO happily babbled at my mom who was sitting next to him in the backseat. I can't tell you how much that calmed my nerves. He was breathing fine and was in good enough spirits to make conversation. When we got to the ER I dropped my mom and the baby off, knowing that she has been to an ER more times than I could count, and I parked the car. When I joined her she looked forlornly at me. She had signed us in but we were told to wait. I picked up the red, puffy little baby and paced in front of the front desk. Nurses spied me as they walked by and in no time we were being seen.

At this point MLO could only see out of one eye, and not very well. His ears were swollen and the red puffiness had spread all over his scalp, torso, arms and legs. Upon his examination the doctor told us that his temperature was normal, his lungs sounded good and no swelling was observed in his mouth or throat. They put in an IV, the little trooper only fussing for a moment when they stuck him, and administered a steroid and a histamine blocker....

Stay tuned for more, MLO is awake and hungry!

Back to the Rash Saga

Hubby and I are scientists. It follows, then, that we would experiment on our child.

When we got in touch with our diaper service about MLO's rash, they suggested that we try the diapers again after they had stripped them. This process is supposed to remove ammonia build-up and etc. So we gave it a shot. After a day of wearing the diapers MLO was red and irritated again. It took a day and a half of wearing the Huggies before his skin returned to normal. We then decided to wash the diapers in our own detergent. We use Costco's free and clear detergent, and MLO doesn't have skin problems where his clothes touch. So I washed about a day and a half worth of the diapers twice on hot, both times with an additional rinse after the wash for good measure. MLO's skin tolerated the diapers much better. He still gets a spotted rash now and again above his groin and on his sit bones, and he tends to be more interested in scratching himself. He doesn't seem uncomfortable, though, and I simply can't stand the thought of throwing all of those non-degradable diapers into a landfill. 

It is interesting to me that we used those diapers for 5 months before he developed a problem. I wonder if that indicates a propensity toward developing allergies. I am so curious about to what, exactly, he reacts. It must be some element of their detergent. I should ask them what they use.

So now we begin on the path of washing our own diapers. I don't have a problem with this, except when he has taken a mighty dump and sat in it before I've realized it. Then the poo is squashed against the diaper and is difficult to remove. I haven't gotten to the point where I put the diaper into the toilet and swish, nor have I designated a stick for poop scraping. I just keep hoping it doesn't happen. Ha.

I also don't know what to do about acquiring diapers. We are welcome to purchase the diapers we've been using from the service, but he has all but outgrown them. I also would like to get something softer and possibly more breathable, though I don't know such a diaper actually exists. I know that diapers made of hemp are supposed to be more absorbent and antimicrobial than those made of cotton, but accordingly they cost more. We will need at least 40 of them and the Cadillac of diapers runs nearly $20 a piece while the basic prefolds are $3-6 each. Ugh. It is still cheaper than the $10 a package at 26 diapers a package. It's funny how that seemed less expensive at the time.

During this time, Diaperpin.com has become a valuable resource. If you haven't looked around their site I recommend visiting. The site is dedicated to information regarding different cloth diapering options, cleaning suggestions, vendors and user ratings. It has proven very educational.

So there you have it. We are slowly finding our way back to cloth diapering full time.

Rash Saga Update

I hate to admit it, but with exclusive use of the Huggies, MLO's rash has all but disappeared. He has a mottled pink look to his entire diaper area, but the rash is a far cry from the raised, red, angry looking skin he had while wearing his 7th Generations and prefolds. Curses! I loved the relative sustainability of the 7th Generation diapers and the prefolds. While I'm afraid we will never return to the 7th Generation disposables, I am determined to find my way back to cloth diapers. Wish us luck and please comment with any recommendations or ideas.

On another note, I purchased some Desitin 'instant relief' cream, thinking that would mitigate the residual redness. After 2 applications his diaper area broke out something awful in a bright red rash. Desitin states clearly on their packaging that their creams are hypoallergenic, so this confirms our suspicion that MLO just has super sensitive skin. Honestly, it may not have anything to do with the Desitin, but I don't want a repeat of this redness so I'll never know. Ugh.

The Great Diaper Rash Saga

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing great about diaper rash. Red hot skin spanning the entirety of MLO's diaper shrouded nether regions means unhappy baby and guilty feeling parents. We tried Aquaphor, Desitin, Boudreaux's Butt Paste, aloe with lidocaine, anti-eczema lotion, 1% Hydrocortisone and Nystatin (the latter three on recommendation by the Doc) all to no avail. During our battle with this ailment we tried the Huggies Pure and Natural diapers, the 7th Generation diapers and the cloth diapers with the Bioliners (when we used creams) and nothing seemed to work.The rash would subside for a few days only to return with a vengeance. At times it seemed that the creams actually made things worse.

Sitting for a period of time in a car seat, or even just the high chair for a meal, exacerbated the inflammation. In addition to the redness, he had areas of dryness around where his Bummis cover touched his thigh. After I noticed this, I was careful not to let that junction get too tight, but the dryness and irritation persisted. I also noticed that this seemed to become an issue after he learned to crawl and sit. I suspected that some of the irritation was due to chafing, as the areas of redness were not confined to his bottom, but also coincided with places the diaper might rub.

While we switched up the diapers during trips out of town, we never decided to just try the Huggies by themselves for an extended period of time. As you may know from my other posts, our standard was to use the prefold diapers provided by our diaper service at home and the 7th Generation diapers when we were out or travelling for days. Now and then we would sprinkle the Huggies in there, but we never used them exclusively. Hubby and I began to suspect that the relative roughness of the 7th Generation diapers and possibly a component in our diaper service's detergent were the culprits behind this irritation. Being scientists, we decided to experiment.

I got a package of the Huggies and have used them exclusively for the last 8 days. Within a few days the rash was gone. He had some lingering redness and the dryness around his thighs persisted, but the severity has greatly decreased. In the last couple of days his redness as worsened, but it is less generalized and less intense. Throughout this diaper switching I have been applying the anti-eczema lotion when and where he seemed dry at every changing, and of course after every bath. I started to use the Boudreaux's yesterday, although it didn't seem to help. I also have reason to believe he may have a mild allergy to it, so I need to get some Desitin and try that instead.

Now that we seem to have a handle on this issue, we need to decide how to proceed with our original desire to cloth diaper. The first step is to contact our diaper service and let them know about our problem. They may have experienced this kind of issue before, and may have an alternative detergent we could try. However, I suspect that chafing caused as much of a problem as the possible allergy, since exclusive use of the 7th Generation diapers never eased his irritation. Possible alternatives include purchasing very soft prefold diapers or pocket diapers and washing them ourselves using detergent we know works for us. I fear that after making that investment (particularly if we choose the pocket diaper route), the issue will return and we'll end up using the Huggies again. To mitigate our losses, we could buy a day's worth of diapers and try that for a week (doing laundry every night). In that case we will have still purchased 7-10 diapers, and that many pocket diapers would run me close to $200. I find it hard to believe that a day's worth of diapers could cost that much money. Used ones are an option, although then the quality may be low (due to irresponsible use and care) and we've spent money for nothing. Ugh.

Do any of you guys have a recommendation on how we should proceed?

Who is this baby and what have you done with MLO?

MLO is famously a mellow, happy child. Hubby and I have often remarked on our profoundly good luck that we conceived such an easy baby. MLO smiles readily, has a quiet temper and cries rarely. Well, he   used to be that way.

MLO has changed enormously in the last month. He has started crawling, eating solid foods and trying to stand up. He has also started throwing fits: screaming, crying so hard that he loses his breath, slamming his feet on his bed. He does this in response to my putting him down, to my trying to get him to sleep, to a delay in food presentation, sometimes to no stimulus that I recognize at all. So, who is this baby and what has he done with my son?

How does a 7 month old get to the point where he acts like a spoiled brat? He's only been sentient 4 months. It isn't as though I jump at his every cry or let him languish, wailing in his crib. There are several other factors that may be at play. Even though there are no teeth peeking out yet, I know he has to be teething. He drools like crazy and constantly rubs his gums. We have been travelling frequently and in the last 8 days have driven over 650 miles.  Last week there were a couple of days he spent with family while I tended to some other obligations. I also chopped my hair recently and look very different. Does discomfort, a disruption of routine, a relative lack of mommy for a couple of days, and a physical change in mommy translate to angry, angry baby? Could this be simply a phase that he's going through, a developmental step that I didn't see coming? Is there anything I can do?

Cloth Diapering (and Wiping) Made Easy

After the first few weeks of parenthood you realize what an incredible number of diapers a child goes through in a day. The thought of years of diapers going into a landfill made Hubby and I look for an alternative. None of our peers used cloth diapers and most of our friend's kids are in elementary school, so we really didn't know what cloth diapering was all about. We sought an easy, low impact way to use cloth diapers and found it in a diaper service.

When I first started researching diaper services I didn't think paying someone to pick up and clean our diapers would be economical. I saw cloth diapering as a luxury afforded to people with lots of time and lots of money, the same way wealthy, green-minded people have prohibitively expensive sustainable or repurposed countertops. The service we came upon couldn't make cloth diapering easier at a totally reasonable price. We spend the same amount on cloth diapers that we would on regular diapers in a month.

The service provides prefold diapers in varying quantities and sizes. There are tons of ways to fold these diapers to meet your child's needs. Once the diaper is folded it can be secured with a device called a Snappi, which negates the use of diaper pins. The diaper is then covered with a diaper cover that holds everything in. We receive 1 delivery a week of clean prefold diapers and keep the dirties in a diaper pale until delivery/pickup day rolls around. We own the diaper covers, but the service (and some websites) offer a buyback program so that you can trade up when baby outgrows the cover. The owner met with us when MLO was just a week old and helped us figure out how many diapers to get and showed us how to fold them. She gave us great one-on-one attention and tips. Whenever something comes up all I have to do is call and she is always flexible. Additionally, the service has a gift registry option, so if you are expecting you can sign up for them and register for a few months of service. I love that idea because it allows you to try it out on somebody elses dime! As you can tell, our experience has been stellar.

We also use reusable wipes. When I was pregnant I thought reusable wipes went a bit far, but MLO had really sensitive skin and the doctor recommended we wipe him up with just a wet washcloth. We received  a glut of washcloths that we now use as wipes. This has worked out amazingly well. I do a couple of small loads of diaper associated laundry a week to wash the covers and the 'wipes' and I don't have a big problem with running out of wipes or with a bucket of stinky cloths.

I do have a couple of issues with using the prefold system: the covers (and I suspect the diaper itself) tend to leave red marks on MLO and the covers use velcro to fasten, which can lose grip over time. Baby can also unfasten velcro more easily than snaps. For these reasons I looked into the fancy pocket diapering system called FuzziBunz. These are a fleece cover which secures with snaps and has a special highly absorbent insert. I love that the surface contacting MLO's skin remains dry. Since they are super pricey (almost $18 for ONE diaper/insert) I only own the one diaper. I would like to use them at night, but I haven't found a good used diaper deal on them yet. Hubby considers the prefolds wasteful as both the cover and the insert need to be washed after each use, unlike the Bummis covers we use with prefolds. Also, the service doesn't cover our personal diapers so I would have to wash them all myself, which would be ok, I think. Check out Diaperpin.com for an interesting rating system and forums they have for how-tos and FAQs about pocket diapers, prefolds and reusable wipes.

When we are out and about I do use disposables because I want to be able to just get rid of the dirties. I have had great success with Seventh Generation diapers. I get more of these for less than I can get the Huggies Pure and Natural diapers and I think they work just as well. The Seventh Generation diapers are made without chlorine and with wood pulp and therefore are more environmentally friendly than your typical diaper. Additionally, they are hypoallergenic and fragrance free. When I wanted to experiment with new diapers I wrote to them and they sent me free samples to try in all sorts of different sizes. They were hugely helpful and they make a great product. When we are on the go I also use conventional wipes. We started out using Pampers Sensitive wipes which are also hypoallergenic and fragrance free. I debated switching to the Seventh Generation wipes but I can buy the Pampers in bulk and with MLO's sensitive skin I'm afraid to switch. I would need more than a few from a free sample to know whether the new wipes irritate his skin and I just don't want to risk it.

As you can see, there are lots of diapering options out there. Having a baby doesn't necessarily mean you have to significantly contribute to the massive amount of plastic in landfills, nor does it mean that you have to spend a fortune on cloth diapering.  

Afterbirth

So much changes after your baby is born; a drastic hormone shift occurs, your body shrinks and suddenly feels empty, you face the needs of a person who depends on you completely. All of those changes bring about their own set of challenges and rewards. My experience was exaggerated by having my son taken from me in the hours after his birth with his subsequent admission to the NICU. Just as nothing can fully prepare you for becoming a parent, nothing can prepare you to be separated from your child and having to observe him hooked up to oxygen, monitor wires and IVs. You just have to get through it, and you do.

When MLO was admitted I was in the baby and mother ward while Hubby was with MLO. I had no idea what was going on for a good 30-40 minutes before a nurse came in and told me that they had admitted my son and were running tests. I was very brave. I didn't cry, I asked the questions that satisfied my need to understand and I rationalized that my son was going to be fine, just as the nurse said, but that he needed a little extra care. I kept my brave face until, exhausted and with the shock of having labored and delivered wearing off, I was wheeled up to the NICU to see my son for the first time since he had been taken from me. When I laid eyes on him I lost it. I couldn't touch him, he was hooked up to several monitors, fluid bags and an oxygen machine. He looked so tiny and helpless and the only things I could do, provide for his nutrition and comfort, I couldn't do. He was receiving nutrients through an IV and I wasn't allowed to hold him. I felt powerless, unnecessary and heartbroken. I wanted to stay with him, but I knew I was worthless with exhaustion and sorrow. Hubby wheeled me back to my room. It rained that night and for days after.

The next day we made our way to the NICU. I was still too weak and anemic to make the walk so Hubby wheeled me down. This time I was allowed to hold MLO and they told me it was ok to try to nurse him. We had a hard time, as MLO was getting most of the nutrients he needed from the IV and was so apparently comforted to be close to me that he just fell asleep. This was the first of the challenges that led to my biggest post-partum frustration: everyone knew more than I did. I had at least two different lactation consultants giving me advice along with the NICU nurses and the physician. Having all of those experts sharing their opinion overshadowed my experience and essentially made me feel worthless and stupid. In hindsight I recognize that I let it bother me more than it should have, but I was hardly myself and I was losing the experience of learning on my own to the differing advice and opinions of experts. Frankly, I had a hard time keeping it together. I just wanted to cry. Hubby and I took turns holding our little fella and then he wheeled me back to my room for lunch.

Later that day I had a psychiatrist visit as is required for all moms with babies in the NICU. She asked the usual questions, "Do you use drugs? Does your spouse abuse you?". She tried to get me to talk about my feelings regarding my son's admission but the whole thing was forced and I just wasn't comfortable with her. I basically just tried to get rid of her. Once she was gone and Hubby was back I felt much better. Hubby could always calm my nerves and set things right. During labor and in the days after MLO was born I realized how profoundly lucky I was to have my Hubby. Through the challenges of the labor and an admitted baby Hubby and I acted as one and even at my weakest he gave me strength. I didn't think I could love him more, but after all that, I did.

In a hospital setting like that there are so many different people giving you advice and guidance. The bombardment is overwhelming and sometimes conflicting. We had the breastfeeding consultants telling us one thing, then when we discussed this with our NICU nurse she seemed to get upset and imply we were doing it wrong. I can't express how difficult that is for a new mom to hear. Not only are you new at this incredibly important job, but you have limited contact with the baby you have been longing to meet  for 9 months and you just want to do it right. Those feelings compounded into a lingering sense of ineptitude.

On the last day of my stay in the hospital all of this came to a head. Everyone was telling me how to do my job, some opinions differed from others and all I wanted was some relaxed, private time with my newborn. I generally felt like I just couldn't do anything right, and compared to these experts, I couldn't. On top of all that floated this cloud of guilt I felt about leaving my baby in the hospital and moving home. I had finally reached the end of my rope and needed to get away from the hospital. As I left the NICU I ran into the therapist and she took my arm and said in this over sympathetic tone, "You look sad." I wanted to yell at her, "Of course I'm sad! I'm leaving my newborn child in the care of strangers and going home! I can't seem to nurse him right! My milk won't come in! Everyone is telling me what to do! Are you kidding?" But all I said was, "I'm just really overwhelmed, and I need to go home" and I turned and walked away.

Once I got home I started to relax and recover. I regained my sanity and cried less when I went to the hospital. Hubby and I essentially took shifts at the NICU until he had to go back to work, then I split my days between bed and the NICU. MLO was recovering well and we were getting better at nursing. I got to enjoy just holding him and when something unexpected happened I had a whole cadre of experts to tell me not to worry about it. I started to reap the benefits of all that knowledge and desire to help. Concurrently the weather began to warm and the sun broke through the clouds.

On the day MLO was discharged the sun was shining. He had a flawless check up with the physician and was given the greenlight to go home. We packed him up and into the car seat. On the way home he slept peacefully. As I stared through the car windows I noticed that the whole world was fresh and bright. The hills were a brilliant green and the sky clear and blue. The beauty of it dazzled me. All the cars seemed to move so fast, I was taken aback by how hurried everything was. I felt content to take our time, our family complete, peacefully travelling home. I mentioned this to Hubby and he agreed. We were both just so happy. The world had never seemed so rich and beautiful to us as it did on the day we brought MLO home, and our lives have been enriched beyond description since.

So maybe all that sorrow and frustration helped us realize how incredibly lucky we were to simply drive home with our kidlet. It certainly made us stronger and in the face of all that doubt I have turned out to be as good a mom as ever I hoped (for now). At least I feel confident that I do right by my son. So yes, there are challenges but the rewards are beyond measure. As Richard Bach said, "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it's hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts."