Post Christmas Post

Our little family survived Christmas. We accomplished this in a couple of different ways. First, we are humans and therefore remarkably adaptable and resilient creatures that can handle a vast over abundance of rich foods, too much excitement and too little sleep. Second, we set some ground rules with the gift givers in our lives and third, we made a Christmas list for MLO. These things helped us to get through a holiday saturated with travel, people and merriment.

Holiday Sleep
As parents that want to share the excitement and joy of our baby's first Christmas with the people that love him nearly as much as we do, we agreed to split Christmas between both of our families. Since my folks are half-way between my sister and I and since everyone could stay in their house and only a few people could stay in ours, we travelled the 150 miles or so up to my folks. We arrived

In the News

A couple of really interesting articles have come out regarding kids. The first isn't so much an article as it is a description of a recently published book of photos called Where Children Sleep by James Mollison. The photographer did portraits of children from all over the world and from many socioeconomic backgrounds paired with a photo of the place they sleep. It's a great look at children and where they call home. I really enjoyed perusing the posted photos.

The second article of interest is about a 1st grade girl named Katie who loves Star Wars. Katie toted a Star Wars water bottle to school everyday. Out of the blue, she insisted that she take an old pink water bottle instead. This was unusual enough that her mom pressed her about it, and discovered that her daughter's schoolmates had made it clear to the kiddo that Star Wars is for boys. Katie insisted that she was different enough by being the only one in class that wears glasses, an eye patch, and is adopted. So mom let Katie take the conventional pink water bottle to school.

Katie's mom wrote about the incident on her blog, Portrait of an Adoption. After making her post, a few fellow geeks came across it and saw in Katie a kindred spirit. A huge out pouring of support ensued and if you type "May the force be with you Katie" into your Google Search engine you will find hundreds of mentions in blogs, articles and videos. This prompted the parents of Katie's classmates to talk with their kids about bullying, and she has received apologies and expressions of support from her schoolmates.

I think this is a wonderful story about how communication can instigate change, and how the cruelty children feel the need to inflict on their peers can be positively addressed and mitigated. Unfortunately, I'm a cynic. After celebrating in my heart for Katie, and all those that found her and formed a community around her need, my thoughts turned dark. I thought about what was different about this story from the numerous stories I've read about other kids that are different. I loved that the parents of those children that gave Katie a hard time talked to their kids about bullying and helped them understand that their behaviour was hurtful. I wonder, though, that if Katie's difference had been less innocuous, more controversial, whether there would have been an effort on those parents' parts to change their childrens' behaviour. Lets say Katie had two mommies, or was gay, or was Muslim or was representative of whatever else stirs fear in the American Consciousness. Katie's mom is right to implore us to challenge our fear of what is different and to live as examples of civility for our children to witness. Star Wars is easy, but can we live that example when it comes to what scares us?

Allergy Update

The results of MLO's allergy test came back today and sure enough, our little peanut is severely allergic to peanuts. Boo. We were told to pretty much just stay away from bakeries, Asian food restaurants and ice cream parlors in addition to carefully avoid any potential cross-contamination of food. I'm bummed that he won't be able to experience the joys of peanut butter and peanut brittle, and I'm apprehensive about having to watch so closely everything he eats for what it's made with and from where it comes. I hope we never have to use that Epipen....

How I Screwed up my Milk Supply

As you may know, I chose to breastfeed MLO. My goal was to keep him on breast milk for the first year of his life. I struggled with different breastfeeding challenges as he grew and his appetite and behaviours changed, but I never felt that my milk production was too low. When he started to eat solid foods I failed to remain diligent about retaining my production. I used to produce 8 ounces (oz) of milk at a pumping, but now I'm lucky if I get 4oz, and more often I only get 2oz. I wanted to share my experience with you in the hopes that you don't follow the same faulty path as I.

As MLO began to eat solid food I noticed that he would skip a nursing. He didn't seem to miss it much, whereas he was crazy excited about eating solid food. I figured that if he didn't want the milk, I didn't need to worry about pumping, so I just started skipping a couple of feedings a day. At first I pumped in the morning and at night when he was getting his solid food meal so that I could get enough milk for his cereal meals the next day. Often I would forget to pump in the morning, adding to the decrease of demand. When MLO started eating solid foods in the middle of the day I allowed him to simply nurse 1-2 times a day. I didn't pump at those increments of every 3 hours, times at which he used to nurse. As my body received signals that the milk wasn't being used, it simply stopped producing it.

At first I thought this was no big deal. He didn't want the milk and I was previously pumping around 8oz in a sitting, so the 1-2 pumping sessions a day should have been fine. What I didn't realize was that my production was going down overall, not just at the times when he didn't want it anymore. When it became difficult to pump 2oz in a sitting I knew I was in trouble. Hubby is actually a lactation physiologist, and though his expertise is in bovids, the hominid system is virtually the same. He implored me to begin pumping again at the 3hour intervals, warning me that if my milk supply did return, I would never produce as much as I did before I had allowed my supply to dwindle.

With diligent pumping and a significant increase in my water intake (60+ oz a day) I have been able to get my volume back up to between 2-4oz in a sitting. Through that time we used up a large portion of our frozen milk supply, so the odds of me having a day or 2 without the baby are slim to none. I rarely produce enough in a day to freeze, and MLO has re-discovered his affinity for breast milk. I now feed him every 3 hours and his middle of the day feedings consist of nursing and solids. It's obvious that there isn't much available for him in the middle of the day, but he still gets a good dose of milk in the morning. I am back to pumping only in the morning and at night (sometimes twice, if the timing is right), but with the feedings in the middle of the day he drains me well.

When I reflect on how I let this happen I touch on a couple of points. First,  I wanted to have a little more autonomy. I had committed myself to breastfeeding for a year in a very emotional way, but I was tired of being bound to the baby every 3 hours. That isn't to say that I didn't want to be around him, or didn't enjoy the act of nursing (which is wonderful quiet bonding time), it was more the need to stop whatever I'm doing wherever I am and find a discrete place to feed my kid. Nursing can be very isolating and can put the breaks on whatever you have going on. I wanted him to cut down on nursing because I wanted a little more freedom to go out and about. I also kind of wanted my boobs back. It follows then, that I wasn't too keen on pumping, because it isolated me in the same way that nursing did. Second, with a decrease in breastfeeding came a decrease in puke. We had lived in a sea of vomit for 6 months. This new-found respite from regurgitated milk felt fantastic. The less he nursed, the less puke I had to clean up off of myself, my son and my floor.

It was an easy trap to fall into. Unfortunately, the repercussions were far reaching and I regret having let it happen. Be smart: when your kid starts eating solids stay on the pump!

Back to Sleep

MLO is firmly in the 9 1/2 months old category and my hopes regarding this age a few months ago were centered around a night of uninterrupted sleep and a less torturous going to sleep routine. I'm proud to say that, largely, we have achieved this. I made my first post almost exactly 3 months ago and it's full of  frustration, anxiety, and of course, exhaustion. I noted how my son struggles to go to sleep and stay asleep. I lamented our lack of a firm routine.

Compared to nighttimes in September, going to sleep and staying asleep these days is relatively easy. The little guy starts to get loopy anywhere from 5:00-6:00 PM and we take that as a cue to eat dinner. He has a nice big meal of cereal and veggies then gets changed or bathed, depending on the night. After he has his pajamas on, he cruises around for a bit with either or both of us, in a quiet environment. We let him take the lead and crawl around, play with toys and babble and squeal. Once he rubs his eyes, starts to fuss or loses coordination enough to bump into something and overreact, we pull the trigger. We say goodnight to whoever is not putting him to bed, turn on the white noise, turn off the light, hold him close for a minute or two and lay him in bed. This results in... sleep. No huge cry-fest, no screaming fits, just sleep. It's such a relief. For the most part we get to sleep all night. The exception seems to come when he starts to clearly show teeth under those swollen gums. As they come closer to the surface he gets grumpier and has a propensity to wake in the middle of the night. If that happens, and he hasn't simply gotten his legs shoved uncomfortably into one leg of his jammies, we give him some Advil or try the homeopathic teething remedy I just got, and snuggle him until he calms down. Sometimes, as was the case last night, he won't calm down after we lay him back in bed. After about 30min of complaining I went down and tried to 'reboot' him. I changed his diaper, found his binkie, and sat with him for a few minutes in the rocking chair. When I laid him down he fussed a little, but as far as I could tell, went back to sleep relatively quickly

Napping, as you may know, has never been our strong-suit. This child has an uncanny ability to stay awake, especially if there is something going on. Not the lolling warmth and motion of the ergo baby, not the comfort and calm of his mothers arms can persuade this little mister to close his eyes during the day. I have found that he sleeps best in his crib and relatively well in his car seat. MLO wakes in the morning at around 6:00 (sometimes, to our great displeasure, much earlier) and is usually taking a morning nap by 8:30. That will often last for an hour or longer. Depending on his night of sleep, he will go down again 2-3 hours later, again for about an hour to an hour and a half. For the first 2 naps of the day he goes down easily. If we catch him before he has gotten over-tired we can simply lay him in bed and he'll go right down. Around 4:00 he starts to act like a brat. He rubs his eyes, complains and overreacts. We have dubbed that time, "The Witching Hour" because regardless of how utterly exhausted he acts, he will cry for an hour or more rather than go down for a nap. We have essentially given up on that one.

The biggest napping challenge we have encountered comes when we leave the house. I profoundly dislike trying to fit my errand running and life living into the 2-3 hour intervals between naps. Unfortunately, if MLO falls asleep in the car the likelyhood of A) the drive being longer than 20 minutes or B) him staying asleep when I take the car seat out of the car is slim to none. A greater challenge still, comes when we try to make up for the missed sleep later, say, around 4:00. As you may have guessed by the charming name we have for that time of day, we don't make up for the missed sleep. This means a handful of whining, uncooperative, loud baby and an exhausted mommy. Yay.

So how did we get from 3 months ago having to hold the little bugger down to get him to sleep to the present, when we can simply lay him in his crib and walk away? I have no idea. We did what seemed to work, taking one day at a time, working into our comfort level which stretched with lack of sleep and greater experience. I have listed what I've gleaned from this experience below:

1. There is no hard and fast rule.
2. Things tend to just work themselves out. Trial and error guided us well.
3. Listening to our kid has lead us to sleep. If we pay attention to him, usually we can get him to sleep without a struggle.
4. What worked yesterday might not work today.
5. Our comfort level changed as we worked through the challenge. We used to shrink completely from the idea of simply letting him sob. Until recently, letting him sob was at times the only way to get him to sleep (which we all needed ), and sometimes his sobbing was an indicator that he was in pain, had poop in his pants, was stuck in his jammies or simply needed a binkie and a loving squeeze. Which brings me back to #1.

So I'm pretty sure that I didn't ruin my kid for life by not choosing a sleep method and following it to the letter. I qualify our current sleeping situation as a success and don't regret any of the twists and turns we have taken to get here. As for your own sleep ride, well, I hope you don't have one. I hope your kid is the sort of kid that just falls asleep in his Ergo....

Social Experiment

Over the last few months I have been battling with a sense of ennui. I like the word ennui because it sounds rich and implies the sort of boredom that can only come from luxury. I mention this because I want to recognize that I have the luxury to stay home with my son. I don't want to imply that being at home every day with a child is necessarily akin to a day at the spa. In fact, in some personality types staying at home with your baby can lead to isolation, depression, a sense of total dependence on one's spouse and a feeling of worthlessness. These feelings come and go, but when I'm hit with them I have a hard time pulling myself out of the funk.

I made a commitment to myself to get out of the house at least every other day. I find this unexpectedly difficult. You might think I would be dying to get out of the house, but often I feel intimidated. I have so much to do and to take into account before I leave: does the baby have enough diapers, wipes, an extra change of clothes, enough food should we be gone over a meal? Has he slept, if not, will he nap while we're out and if not, am I willing to deal with the consequences for the rest of the day? What will I do with my crazy-ass dog who seems to destroy his surroundings or to mutilate himself if left alone? How will I afford my adventure? With all of these things to consider it's easy to push the outing back until after one more nap or meal. But I've learned to just go for it; keep that diaper bag stocked, screw the nap, skip the shower, take the dog over to the in-laws, do whatever it takes to get out.  

I find myself visiting the grocery store frequently. I don't shop in large quantities as regularly as I did before, so I make frequent smaller trips. MLO loves to sit in the grocery cart and look up at the lights and observe the rows of food. He always makes a friend or two. Now that my hiking class has finished for the quarter I need to go trekking on my own. This intimidates me because I don't want to make myself an easy target for mugging or other unpleasantness, but really, who is more vulnerable than a short, thin, lightly muscled mother carrying her infant down a trail? My senile 15 lb dog and my girly looking Pomeranian don't exactly imply ferocious, fight-to-the-death sort of companionship, so don't even go there. Besides, poor old Ricky shouldn't be made to walk more than two blocks. I compromise by walking around the neighborhood, or talking my mother-in-law into letting me come over and hang out for a bit (did you catch the note of sarcasm? My mother-in-law is always willing to hang out; I come with one of her favorite people. Also, I'm fairly certain she likes me :).

The major change came when I rediscovered yoga without the baby. A mommy friend of mine invited me to a yoga class with her and I really enjoyed it. The class had a nice flow to it, I fell easily into the rhythm, and by the end I felt peaceful and satisfied. The next day I was sore as hell, which added to my sense of accomplishment. Yes, yoga makes for a happy mommy, and a happy mommy makes for a happy house. Now, if I can just get a few classes in a week, all will be well.

I have also had the great fortune of taking an independent contractor position with an editing company. The group services authors (for which English is their second language) writing scientific papers. With my background in research and academia and my "abundant free time" I can squeeze out a few papers a week, no problem. This has added to my sense of accomplishment and to my feeling of partnership, since I'm not simply a drain on the bank account. I like that I can take or leave the work and finish it largely on my own time. The subject matter is varied and interesting and I hone my analytical skills by critiquing the science to myself. This has proven a great benefit to my psyche.

There are challenges to staying at home, as I'm sure there are challenges to working outside the home. In fact, I'm fairly certain that working outside the home is more challenging emotionally and physically, so I salute all of you who do that. For those of us that stay home, don't let yourself stay in that funk. Get out, get sane, your whole family will benefit from it!

Emergency Continued

MLO, my mom, dad and I hung out in that ER room for 5 hours. MLO slept about 30 minutes over two naps. Within the first hour after administration of the drugs the redness and swelling largely subsided. By the time we left he only looked vaguely splotchy and his one eye was puffy, but nothing like it was when we arrived that morning. We were prescribed an EpiPen to have with us at all times, and have been given an order for a blood test that will theoretically indicate to what he is allergic. It seems that he may have ingested trace amounts of peanutbutter that morning, so peanut is the most likely culprit, though we'll have a better idea after his allergy test. Neither Hubby nor I have food allergies, nor did we when we were children, so this came as a surprise. I don't look forward to the constant vigilance required of a parent whose child may have a life threatening reaction to a food, especially a food as prevalent as peanuts. Of course it's possible that he isn't allergic to peanuts, or that he will grow out of this allergy. The allergy testing is not terribly accurate, but it's better than nothing, so it should give us some information we can use. The bottom line is we have to just wait and see. As with all things baby, this characteristic is as likely to unpredictably change as it is to stay the same. I just wish the consequences weren't so scary!

Emergency

Well we made the first of what is likely to be many trips to the emergency room on Tuesday morning. MLO and I went up to hang with my folks for a couple of days on Monday morning. That night he had me up at 2:30, 3:30 and 5:30. He has four teeth working toward the surface so the nights have gotten rough again. After nursing him at 6:00 I decided to see if there was anyone up and willing to take the little bugger so I could rest some more. My dad was up and they shared some english muffin, played and wandered around. By 9:00 we were starting his meal of cereal and banana and I noticed that the skin around his left eye was red and puffy. That had happened the last time we visited my folks and the inflammation had receded pretty quickly. This time I commented that they must have something around the house to which he was allergic. After breakfast I tried to lay him down for a nap (he'd been up since 5:30). He whined and cried while I tried to finish my own breakfast before jumping in the shower and running off to an appointment at 10:45. As he got more frantic my mom decided to go in and soothe him. Based on his inability to calm down she got him up. That's when she noticed his eye.

MLO's eye had gotten so red and puffy that it looked as though he'd been hit. The eye was rapidly swelling shut. As my mom showed his face to me he turned his head and I noticed that he had what looked like red welts (or hives) on his neck and shoulders. This prompted me to call our pediatrician (250 miles away) and leave a message with the physician's assistant. In the intervening minutes between our initial inspection of his head and neck and the end of my call to the doctor's office the swelling on his face and neck had worsened and we noticed more hives. This is when I started to freak out. The swelling was spreading and becoming more intense at a rapid pace; the most dominant thought in my mind was, "How long until he can't breathe?"

I ripped open his button-down footie pajamas and my stomach dropped. He had angry red swollen hives all over his body. His groin, his underarms, his torso, arms, and legs were all covered in swelling hives. At that point I had two voices in my head. The first one said, "Emergency room now!" the second one said, " Stay calm, he's breathing fine, he isn't crying, don't lose your head." In an attempt to be fiscally responsible I called our insurance to try to figure out if I would be totally screwed if I took him to an emergency room. It sounded like I would be.

One of the insurance sanctioned alternatives to the ER was known to my mom as a good place to go so we decided to head there. As I turned onto a busy street I realized that we had miles of pokey downtown traffic through which to meander while the hospital was a quick 3 minutes away. While stopped in the turning lane at a light, I couldn't shake this feeling that my son could start having breathing problems and I would be stuck in downtown Monterey at some light while a steady line of tourists marched across the street in front of me. In tears, feeling literally damned if I did and damned if I didn't, I made a split second decision to rush to the hospital. I checked the lane next to me and barrelled through the green light.

MLO happily babbled at my mom who was sitting next to him in the backseat. I can't tell you how much that calmed my nerves. He was breathing fine and was in good enough spirits to make conversation. When we got to the ER I dropped my mom and the baby off, knowing that she has been to an ER more times than I could count, and I parked the car. When I joined her she looked forlornly at me. She had signed us in but we were told to wait. I picked up the red, puffy little baby and paced in front of the front desk. Nurses spied me as they walked by and in no time we were being seen.

At this point MLO could only see out of one eye, and not very well. His ears were swollen and the red puffiness had spread all over his scalp, torso, arms and legs. Upon his examination the doctor told us that his temperature was normal, his lungs sounded good and no swelling was observed in his mouth or throat. They put in an IV, the little trooper only fussing for a moment when they stuck him, and administered a steroid and a histamine blocker....

Stay tuned for more, MLO is awake and hungry!

Back to the Rash Saga

Hubby and I are scientists. It follows, then, that we would experiment on our child.

When we got in touch with our diaper service about MLO's rash, they suggested that we try the diapers again after they had stripped them. This process is supposed to remove ammonia build-up and etc. So we gave it a shot. After a day of wearing the diapers MLO was red and irritated again. It took a day and a half of wearing the Huggies before his skin returned to normal. We then decided to wash the diapers in our own detergent. We use Costco's free and clear detergent, and MLO doesn't have skin problems where his clothes touch. So I washed about a day and a half worth of the diapers twice on hot, both times with an additional rinse after the wash for good measure. MLO's skin tolerated the diapers much better. He still gets a spotted rash now and again above his groin and on his sit bones, and he tends to be more interested in scratching himself. He doesn't seem uncomfortable, though, and I simply can't stand the thought of throwing all of those non-degradable diapers into a landfill. 

It is interesting to me that we used those diapers for 5 months before he developed a problem. I wonder if that indicates a propensity toward developing allergies. I am so curious about to what, exactly, he reacts. It must be some element of their detergent. I should ask them what they use.

So now we begin on the path of washing our own diapers. I don't have a problem with this, except when he has taken a mighty dump and sat in it before I've realized it. Then the poo is squashed against the diaper and is difficult to remove. I haven't gotten to the point where I put the diaper into the toilet and swish, nor have I designated a stick for poop scraping. I just keep hoping it doesn't happen. Ha.

I also don't know what to do about acquiring diapers. We are welcome to purchase the diapers we've been using from the service, but he has all but outgrown them. I also would like to get something softer and possibly more breathable, though I don't know such a diaper actually exists. I know that diapers made of hemp are supposed to be more absorbent and antimicrobial than those made of cotton, but accordingly they cost more. We will need at least 40 of them and the Cadillac of diapers runs nearly $20 a piece while the basic prefolds are $3-6 each. Ugh. It is still cheaper than the $10 a package at 26 diapers a package. It's funny how that seemed less expensive at the time.

During this time, Diaperpin.com has become a valuable resource. If you haven't looked around their site I recommend visiting. The site is dedicated to information regarding different cloth diapering options, cleaning suggestions, vendors and user ratings. It has proven very educational.

So there you have it. We are slowly finding our way back to cloth diapering full time.

Stay Tuned and Yay for Christmas!

I apologize for the hiatus! I have been conducting a social experiment on myself in addition to working as much as possible (as in earning money) when the boy is asleep. Don't fret; I'm not turning tricks or anything. Just whoring my impeccable editing abilities (yeah, right... have you read this blog?) on the side.

MLO has done an absurd number of adorable things in the last month, not the least of which I detail below. So much has happened, in fact, that I can not tell you about it in one post. No, this is days worth of hilarity, updates on rash and sleep, and descriptions of shit fits you won't believe. So without further ado, the cuteness...

Small Ways to Help

I always had a particularly vulnerable spot in my heart for children in need. I've failed to do much about it so far, using the usual excuse of 'What difference could I possibly make?' I know it's lame and the guilt of being a perfectly capable person who does nothing is wasted. So when I fell upon an opportunity to donate in a really easy way, I took it.

Huggies has a rewards program aimed at promoting exclusive consumerism of their products and tracking where their products are purchased. I know Pampers has a similar program. The Huggies 'Enjoy the Ride Rewards' program bestows upon a consumer points for every product purchased. The Pure and Natural diapers confers 15 points. You go to the website, sign up, and insert your product code. Points are saved on the site and you can earn more points by watching propaganda video, playing games or reading articles.

Points can be used to enter sweepstakes, play games with prizes such as gift cards and coupon books, or toward the purchase of items. I didn't realize until recently that I could donate those points toward providing diapers for a child in need. Considering the public sanitation and individual child health risks associated with not using diapers or reusing old diapers, I thought this was a pretty good deal. By donating 16 of my points I provide a day's worth of diapers. Simple, easy and a worthy use of points that hadn't done much for me otherwise.

This isn't a sacrificial sort of helping that makes you feel good deep down, but it is helping. I get the points by purchasing something I need anyway. Why let them go to waste doing nothing at all, playing silly games or entering sweepstakes, when I can use them toward something that will tangibly help someone else? I bring this up because it isn't the sort of thing a new mom is using energy thinking about. We get so caught up in surviving our day, providing for our families and managing our own wants and needs that we miss the little opportunities to help. I urge you to look into the products you purchase or the websites you frequent and see if there is an equally easy way you can make a difference.

Rash Saga Update

I hate to admit it, but with exclusive use of the Huggies, MLO's rash has all but disappeared. He has a mottled pink look to his entire diaper area, but the rash is a far cry from the raised, red, angry looking skin he had while wearing his 7th Generations and prefolds. Curses! I loved the relative sustainability of the 7th Generation diapers and the prefolds. While I'm afraid we will never return to the 7th Generation disposables, I am determined to find my way back to cloth diapers. Wish us luck and please comment with any recommendations or ideas.

On another note, I purchased some Desitin 'instant relief' cream, thinking that would mitigate the residual redness. After 2 applications his diaper area broke out something awful in a bright red rash. Desitin states clearly on their packaging that their creams are hypoallergenic, so this confirms our suspicion that MLO just has super sensitive skin. Honestly, it may not have anything to do with the Desitin, but I don't want a repeat of this redness so I'll never know. Ugh.

Back to the Grind

We have teeth! Well, we have the very top of a tooth barely piercing the gums and another not far behind. MLO chomped down on my knuckle this morning and I felt a sharp bit. After 4 months of occasional unexplained fussiness, near constant gum rubbing and drooling, I welcome the confirmation of dental development. I never expected the process to take so long.

In the last few days MLO has also started to register the word 'No'....

Finding Out

Now and again I post something about what our little family has been through leading up to the present. In keeping with that, I wanted to share some thoughts I wrote down a little over a year ago.

If I had remembered that I had a journal titled "The Big Moment Book" I would have made an entry on July 19th, 2009. That was the day I decided to buy a pregnancy test. I didn't think I was pregnant, I just wanted to rule it out so that I could road-trip to South Dakota and drink with my aunts, uncles and cousins. Hubby had been teasing me about my being pregnant for weeks due to a late period and a sour tummy. I kept having these cramps, though, and was positive that my period would come soon. So on July 19th I bought a pregnancy test so that I could drink with a clear conscience.

That night we went to Chili's with my in-laws and I had a gloriously large Margarita. After dinner Hubby's parents went to my brother-in-law's house while he and I went home to finish packing. We were to set out on our 1500 mile road trip the next morning. Once I had completed packing, I went to take my test.

I suddenly felt nervous. The digital stick was supposed to flash 'positive' or 'negative' when the analysis completed. There was a strong part of me that wanted it to flash 'positive', but I hadn't prepared for what that would mean. This was not planned. So I peed on the stick, set it aside to analyze and busied myself with other things. I glanced over once and it was still flashing a results pending sign. When I looked again the display was no longer flashing. The stick had processed my urine and now presented its result. It didn't blink or fade, but had settled resolutely on its answer for me. I stared, shocked, at the bold 'positive' spanning the display. I was pregnant.

I opened the bathroom door and took in Hubby's figure, back turned to me, methodically packing a bag. He didn't even know I had purchased the test. I just started talking. In a shy, rushed, and mildly panicked tone, I said, "So, I bought a pregnancy test today and I just took it..." at this point he stopped packing and turned around to face me with the best deer in the headlights impression I've ever seen, "...and it says I'm pregnant." There was only a moment before he broke out in a huge smile and came to hug me. He was so happy, and I was so happy and relieved that he was happy.

We didn't think I could be that far along, but we wanted so badly to tell our parents. I called mine right away and we told Hubby's folks as soon as they returned. So apparently this is how we do things: we got engaged on a whim, married on a weeks notice, and conceived a child with no prior planning. Go us.

So that brings me to today (October 23rd, 2009). For the last couple of weeks I have been feeling flutters and nudges and my belly has become noticeable. I am now 20 weeks and 1 day along (further than we thought) and we had the immense pleasure of watching our son make chewing movements and roll lazily in my womb. Today was a big day, even bigger than when I first heard his little heart beat so fast on my first visit to the OB. There is no sound better, though, than the sound of his heart. I could listen to that all day. I love this little stranger, and I can't wait until the day I get to hold him in my arms.

Wow. Look how far we've come! 

The Great Diaper Rash Saga

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing great about diaper rash. Red hot skin spanning the entirety of MLO's diaper shrouded nether regions means unhappy baby and guilty feeling parents. We tried Aquaphor, Desitin, Boudreaux's Butt Paste, aloe with lidocaine, anti-eczema lotion, 1% Hydrocortisone and Nystatin (the latter three on recommendation by the Doc) all to no avail. During our battle with this ailment we tried the Huggies Pure and Natural diapers, the 7th Generation diapers and the cloth diapers with the Bioliners (when we used creams) and nothing seemed to work.The rash would subside for a few days only to return with a vengeance. At times it seemed that the creams actually made things worse.

Sitting for a period of time in a car seat, or even just the high chair for a meal, exacerbated the inflammation. In addition to the redness, he had areas of dryness around where his Bummis cover touched his thigh. After I noticed this, I was careful not to let that junction get too tight, but the dryness and irritation persisted. I also noticed that this seemed to become an issue after he learned to crawl and sit. I suspected that some of the irritation was due to chafing, as the areas of redness were not confined to his bottom, but also coincided with places the diaper might rub.

While we switched up the diapers during trips out of town, we never decided to just try the Huggies by themselves for an extended period of time. As you may know from my other posts, our standard was to use the prefold diapers provided by our diaper service at home and the 7th Generation diapers when we were out or travelling for days. Now and then we would sprinkle the Huggies in there, but we never used them exclusively. Hubby and I began to suspect that the relative roughness of the 7th Generation diapers and possibly a component in our diaper service's detergent were the culprits behind this irritation. Being scientists, we decided to experiment.

I got a package of the Huggies and have used them exclusively for the last 8 days. Within a few days the rash was gone. He had some lingering redness and the dryness around his thighs persisted, but the severity has greatly decreased. In the last couple of days his redness as worsened, but it is less generalized and less intense. Throughout this diaper switching I have been applying the anti-eczema lotion when and where he seemed dry at every changing, and of course after every bath. I started to use the Boudreaux's yesterday, although it didn't seem to help. I also have reason to believe he may have a mild allergy to it, so I need to get some Desitin and try that instead.

Now that we seem to have a handle on this issue, we need to decide how to proceed with our original desire to cloth diaper. The first step is to contact our diaper service and let them know about our problem. They may have experienced this kind of issue before, and may have an alternative detergent we could try. However, I suspect that chafing caused as much of a problem as the possible allergy, since exclusive use of the 7th Generation diapers never eased his irritation. Possible alternatives include purchasing very soft prefold diapers or pocket diapers and washing them ourselves using detergent we know works for us. I fear that after making that investment (particularly if we choose the pocket diaper route), the issue will return and we'll end up using the Huggies again. To mitigate our losses, we could buy a day's worth of diapers and try that for a week (doing laundry every night). In that case we will have still purchased 7-10 diapers, and that many pocket diapers would run me close to $200. I find it hard to believe that a day's worth of diapers could cost that much money. Used ones are an option, although then the quality may be low (due to irresponsible use and care) and we've spent money for nothing. Ugh.

Do any of you guys have a recommendation on how we should proceed?

I have been a Giants fan my whole life. They broke my heart in 2002, but they made up for it in a big way last night. I hope my boy grows up to love the Giants as much as I do, and as much as my folks do... it's a tradition.

Sleep Wars: A New Hope

Well MLO skipped his 1 AM wake-up two nights in a row. This change occurred after I let him complain through it a few nights back. I felt dead tired and just didn't have it in me to go down there and change him. The more I thought about it, the more I resolved to simply let him figure it out. Interestingly, he didn't take long to quiet down and drift to sleep: maybe 20 min. This was the first time he has started to fuss in the night and not spend close to an hour complaining. Notably, he didn't scream and ball, he just sort of complained until he didn't. At 4:26 he woke again and I figured he would go back to sleep. He did not. We listened to him whine or ball for an hour before I went down and fed him. That wake-up has been reproducible within the minute for the last couple of nights and he hasn't seemed receptive to working through that. I refuse to listen to him whine and cry for the better part of an hour, so I've decided not to fight that wake-up. He has awakened at that hour fairly consistently over the last couple of months, so I assume he needs to nurse at that time. Considering he eats somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30 in the evening, 10-11 hours between meals seems about right.

As I look back on the last 8 months and our sleep (or lack there of), I realize that MLO and I slowly dropped a feeding at a time when he was ready; when I tried to push it things went sour. I broke out of sleep deprivation in about the 4th month, and have been working toward a solid 6 hours since then. It seems we have finally made it, although things could change, especially considering that he hasn't started to cut teeth yet. Obviously, I'll keep you posted.

MLO's First Post

 hn r 7JH8LPIR XX,,,,,,,klmxc90

What They Say

Today I decided to break out a couple of my baby books to see if there was anything I was supposed to be doing. I didn't register for the baby classes I took spring and summer because we were going to be out of town so much this month, and I've been wondering lately if there is some critical thing I'm not doing. I recognize that as a perspective of a paranoid self-esteem challenged person, but still, I wanted to be sure.

I did discover something in looking through those baby books; I found out that I am so over them. I realized that they only make me nervous and more paranoid. I did not discover that my son was behind in locomotive or cognitive growth. I did get the overall impression that the books implored me to be more vigilant, less of this and more of that. They served their purpose when I was totally bewildered by this new person I needed to protect and nurture, totally ignorant of what I needed to do. Now that I've been doing this for the better part of 8 months I feel pretty confident that I'm doing a decent job, even though one of the books called me "softhearted and weak-nerved" for my method of sleep training.

Adventuring

MLO and I went hiking around a local lake yesterday. I strapped him to the front of me with the Ergo and we left at about 3:00, taking a trail that led us up to the ridge above Lopez Lake. The views were amazing and MLO seemed to enjoy looking around. Hubby and I have noticed before that MLO fixates on leaves, particularly those above him, between which he can see the sky. I think he is attracted to the contrast of the bright or dark green against the bright blue. We saw what seemed like a million deer in very close proximity which amused us both. We scared off a young buck and a couple of does on the ridge, while the deer down in the campground hardly moved to get out of our way. The trail led to a quiet little fern lined gully where MLO and I stopped to take in the scenery. He and I were both looking around when we made eye contact and grinned at each other. We had a nice little moment there. Shortly thereafter we had a red tailed hawk fly over and land in the tree behind us. The air smelled invigorating. A recent rain made the air humid and fresh while the heat from the sun gave it a baked quality. I found it refreshing to tromp around the woods in the quiet and breathe the clean air, particularly after having spent so much time lately in the car. I did have some misgivings about hiking alone in what became a more remote journey than I anticipated. A ranger did know what trail I had taken, so I didn't feel totally irresponsible. Where pre-baby Dakota would have hiked alone with only a small warning in my mind, yesterday I had to fight a terrible level of apprehension about two legged snakes or the mountain lion that could jump out at any moment. How would I fight off a mountain lion with a baby strapped to my chest? What if it injured MLO? Of course these are ridiculous thoughts; a mountain lion could easily take me down, baby or no. Fundamentally, I felt guilty for not travelling in a pack, but dammit, I didn't have anyone to go with and I wanted to be outside on a trail breathing that fresh air and pointing out the monkey flower and sage to my son.

The Surprises

There were many things I didn't expect when MLO was born. Here are a few I thought worth sharing:

1. Newborns/infants are incredibly noisy when they sleep. They snort and squeak all night long. Don't let it freak you out.
2. People weren't speaking figuratively when they said that the first few months of your child's life you act like a crazy person. Sleep deprivation is a serious business and it takes its toll.
3. The 5 S's saved my life: swaddle, shoosh, side-lay, suck (not you, the baby- on a pacifier) and shimmy.
4. Newborns can take up to an hour to nurse. At first it can seem like all you do is feed your baby. The length of time you nurse coupled with the frequent feedings can really cut down on your sleep. If you can sleep-nurse at the beginning, do it. If you are interested in doing that but afraid of rolling on baby, check out a co-sleeper.
5. People you hardly know are happy for you, new life just brings the best out in people. You will probably end up with lots of gifts, and since some of these gift-givers don't know you well you may end up with things that aren't your taste. In that case, remember that someone chose that item for you with the idea of supporting you and celebrating your little one. To honor that kindness, be gracious and find a place for it. If you can't or won't use it, donate it.
6. Consumer Reports and Consumersearch.com are invaluable, but not all informative.
7. The first couple of months without a real smile are tough. You sacrifice sleep, fun, and sanity for your baby and the most you get is not crying. Once your little one smiles on purpose, you know the true meaning of joy.

I'm sure there are others, but these have been rattling around in my brain for a while and I can't think of anything else off the bat. Speaking of bat, go Giants. Game one? Check.

P.S.

Um... World Series? Yeah baby! Go Giants!

The Daily Grind Returns

Sorry for the Hiatus!
MLO and I have finally returned home after much back and forth up to my folks' place about 2.5 hours away. My best friend and my sister both got married two weeks apart in our home town area and I had the distinction of serving as matron of honor in both weddings. I had a blast helping out and participating in two amazingly beautiful ceremonies and MLO had a blast being spoiled utterly rotten by my fam.

In this last trip up my parents' house was full of my aunts, uncles and cousins, brothers and sister, grandma and two dogs. MLO got passed around from willing relation to willing relation and to my knowledge impressed everyone with his happy disposition and hilarious babbling. I really feel very fortunate that a) I have such a well behaved baby b) I have such an amazing family to take over caring for MLO while I assembled floral arrangements, ran errands and got myself into pretty mode and c) I have a husband that managed to keep his head amidst the insanity.

If MLO threw a fit I wasn't around to see it. He napped relatively well, considering, but had some difficulty at night (although he was allowed to stay up much later than usual... see the end of paragraph one). MLO, Hubby and I got home Sunday and by Monday we were all sick. MLO occasionally cries and touches his throat with a confused look which makes me feel terrible. Other than that he has some minor congestion and seems to hardly notice that he is under the weather. We have read most of 'Bambi' in the last few days as a way to get him to be still and rest. Except in the car seat, I haven't seen him be still this much since he was an infant.

MLO's new favorite thing is to stand up. He requires help: the couch, a door (eek), my pants (which are not always secured... ahem), the drawer pulls, his 'crate' walls. But he loves to stand up and look around and shuffle his feet. As for his 'crate', we got one of those play yards by North States and unfortunately he hates it. He stands up, grasps the walls and wails in his most pitiful tone, "Ababababa!" I find it rather heartbreaking. As far as I've heard, though, he only hates it when I'm around, otherwise he plays happily in it while other people read or do chores. Lucky me.

I think we are going to start him on barley this week. It's time for a new carbohydrate and I think oatmeal has become a bit worn out.

Be sure to check out the poll....
Cheers!

Velcro is Evil

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Don't buy bibs with Velcro. Velcro is the bane of baby clothes, blankets, hats, and all other washable cloth baby products. If left unattached, the Velcro inevitably ends up sticking to some lovely satin trim, plush toy or fine garment, resulting in a permanently marred object of former beauty. It seems that even when I put those Velcro bibs in the wash firmly closed, I find them open and clinging to some article of clothing or custom made gift. I hate Velcro bibs with the passionate burning of a thousand suns. I implore you, buy bibs with snaps.

1 down, 4 to go.

MLO watched half of the game. I'm so proud. Go Giants.

Los Perros y Bebe

Los Perros...
Long before we had a baby, we had dogs. My Hubby's first love was a blond Pomeranian named Wookie who owned him rather than the other way around. She accepted me enough to sit on my lap around the camp fire (a HUGE compliment) and Hubby took that as her blessing on our relationship. We then obtained a pit bull-Boston terrier-mix we dubbed Jack Rabbit (Jacky, for short). She became my baby girl. We both had a propensity for crazy making and ridiculous behaviour in general so we bonded over our shared spaz status.

To our immense sorrow both dogs passed away unexpectedly within a few months of each other some years back. Hubby was then home alone as I was away at grad school, so we decided to adopt a couple of needy orphans very shortly after our loss. Hubby had heard about an old fellow that, "Just needed a quiet place to die." This ancient Manchester terrier apparently had only a few months left in him and was in a rescue home with something like 12 other dogs (all of them Pomeranians, as it turns out). Hubby went to meet this Ricky and they clicked, at least, the dog didn't attempt to maul him when he picked Rick up out of the cloud of Poms that enveloped Hubby when he stepped onto the property. As the Hubster visited with the crotchety old man a young loner Pom began to stand out from the crowd and much to the rescuer's surprise Snoopy, this young Pom, decided to befriend Hubby.

These 2 dogs came to us with unfortunate histories. Rick had been abandoned in Lincoln, Nebraska and had shuffled from home to home until he landed on the Central Coast of California. As far as we could tell, Rick was passed from gullible patsy to gullible patsy. One of his more charming habits is of urinating in the house to express his displeasure. He has, quite possibly, the most grotesque smelling breath on the planet. When he licks himself (as he does incessantly) I think to myself, "Who let the Komodo Dragon in the house?" He sadly suffers from severe separation anxiety, so as you move around the house, for instance to clean, he has to be within 24 inches of you. That is particularly fun when you are sleep deprived and carrying an infant in your arms across a wood floor. He is terribly uncoordinated, so he'll find himself on his back after trying desperately to change directions when you have made a snap decision to turn around. Want to close the door when you take a poop? Forget about it. After you've cleaned yourself up you are pretty much guaranteed to have a puddle of Ricky pee to clean up, which smells almost as good as his breath. If there is a God and he/she loves dogs we are definitely going to Heaven (at least Hubby is).

Snoopy has a differently tragic history. A family purchased him from a breeder and subsequently put him in a crate, where he largely remained for the first three years of his life. He played with himself or with children through the bars of his crate and the family changed the newspaper he lived on when he made a mess. He had never been outside and had never met another dog until the owners decided to give him to the rescue as they were renovating the house and no longer wanted him. Needless to say his upbringing had given him some trust issues, hence the rescuer's surprise when he took to the Hubster.

So here we are, nearly 4 years after we adopted these dogs and Ricky's still alive (and very loving and kind, despite his insanity) and Snoopy is now a well adjusted, well socialized dog. The dogs and I had grown quite close after I moved back and wrote my thesis from home. In the last months of my pregnancy I bonded as much as I could with the dogs, knowing that things were about to get challenging. I had no idea.

...Y Bebe
After MLO was born things started out difficult because we basically spent the first week at the hospital. We brought home blankies that the baby had slept with so the dogs could smell him and they seemed intrigued. Neither Hubby nor I were terribly available, though, and they definitely noticed. When we brought MLO home Ricky seemed interested, but not overly. Snoopy nearly turned himself inside out sniffing, tail wagging, trying to lick and guard the baby from the harmless, and only mildly intrigued Ricky.

For me, and much to my chagrin, things went downhill rapidly. The dogs were fed up with being ignored, and they needed some assurance that we still loved them. Ricky would cry and run loudly around the bed long before I planned on waking up. Every time I turned around he was underfoot. Snoopy would try to get between me and MLO when I tried to nurse. Dead tired, and with little patience for anyone but the baby, I started to lash out at the dogs. I would yell at them, send them away with a flailing hand or foot, I stopped smiling at them, I stopped petting them. Basically, I didn't want anything to do with them; all they did was annoy me.

I love my dogs. I can't believe how much my attitude toward them changed. Things are much better now, but the relationships are not back to pre-baby normalcy. Snoopy, despite his continued jealousy, does not lash out at me or the baby. He still protects MLO when we go camping and the baby is napping in the tent. Ricky and I still have some issues, but he has allowed MLO to pet him and even occasionally wags his tail in response to the baby. I have to really stop and work at being nice, which still surprises me.

I never expected this type of animosity on my part. Despite my bad attitude the dogs have remained largely well behaved, a testament to their love for us and their general good nature. I worry that my impatience will influence MLO and his behavior toward the dogs and that concern has served as a great motivator to get my act together. I remain embarrassed by my behavior, and recognize it as a weakness of my character. Unfortunately, when it comes right down to it I only have so much patience and MLO remains my top priority, then Hubby, then the Dogs. I have to work on growing some patience.

Ricky and Snoop Dog

Who is this baby and what have you done with MLO?

MLO is famously a mellow, happy child. Hubby and I have often remarked on our profoundly good luck that we conceived such an easy baby. MLO smiles readily, has a quiet temper and cries rarely. Well, he   used to be that way.

MLO has changed enormously in the last month. He has started crawling, eating solid foods and trying to stand up. He has also started throwing fits: screaming, crying so hard that he loses his breath, slamming his feet on his bed. He does this in response to my putting him down, to my trying to get him to sleep, to a delay in food presentation, sometimes to no stimulus that I recognize at all. So, who is this baby and what has he done with my son?

How does a 7 month old get to the point where he acts like a spoiled brat? He's only been sentient 4 months. It isn't as though I jump at his every cry or let him languish, wailing in his crib. There are several other factors that may be at play. Even though there are no teeth peeking out yet, I know he has to be teething. He drools like crazy and constantly rubs his gums. We have been travelling frequently and in the last 8 days have driven over 650 miles.  Last week there were a couple of days he spent with family while I tended to some other obligations. I also chopped my hair recently and look very different. Does discomfort, a disruption of routine, a relative lack of mommy for a couple of days, and a physical change in mommy translate to angry, angry baby? Could this be simply a phase that he's going through, a developmental step that I didn't see coming? Is there anything I can do?

Go Giants.

Sleep Wars Episode III

So the night before last MLO awoke again around 3. I changed him and rocked him for a bit but he didn't seem tired. He wasn't fussy, just awake. So I put him in his crib and went back to bed. That did not last. He was quiet for a while, then began to fuss, then began to ball. I went in a couple of times to lay him back down, soothe him, and hold his arms for a bit to get him to hold still long enough for him to realize his own exhaustion. It took a long time for him to go to sleep, and before I knew it, he was up crying again (5:30) and out of exasperation and exhaustion I fed him. Unfortunately, nursing him did not do the trick. He stayed awake playing in his crib for another hour before finally falling asleep on his own.

He and I have left town for a few days so we have postponed sleep training for now. There is no reason to push the issue with him sleeping in a travel crib and in an unfamiliar room. Hopefully this doesn't throw us off course, and if it does, oh well.

Sleep Wars Episode II

So MLO has generally napped better since learning to crawl and since starting solid foods. Alternatively, he has had a harder time going to sleep. I removed his bumper from the crib as he started pulling himself up on the rails and I didn't want him launching himself over. Now that he can see out the sides from a laying position he just wants to play. He will spend over an hour crawling around his crib, pulling himself up and whining even though he is clearly exhausted. I don't get it.

Last night I made an interesting discovery that I think is related to both solid food and cloth diapers. Since MLO has started on solids he seems more likely to go longer at night before wanting to eat, no big surprise there. Also, he urinates less as he doesn't consume milk before going to bed. Since he stopped wetting so heavily we recently decided to go back to cloth diapering at night. As such, when he wakes up to nurse I have been changing him before-hand to be sure that he gets changed before nodding off while nursing. Last night he awoke at 12:45 and 5:30, both times giving his usual cry of' "Come feed me, dammit!" I put him on the changing table and he threw a fit, as usual. By the time his diaper was changed (it takes me a bit longer with cloth than with disposables) he was no longer upset. In fact, he didn't seem hungry. I rocked him in the chair for a bit before putting him back in bed and he was fine both times. He did end up whining again around 6, so I got up and fed him and off to sleep he went.

So, what does this mean? Well it might mean nothing. MLO has gone through the night without nursing (or waking, for that matter) before, and nothing changed in the long term. Though, I have to wonder if the waking and going back to sleep with no nursing is a step for us. He is used to nursing once at night, and I suspect he uses that more to get back to sleep than to quench thirst or fill an empty achy tummy. If I can get him back to sleep without nursing him, maybe we are closer to getting himself back to sleep. Again, we could let him cry it out, but I'm just not comfortable with that. We have tried it before and it ends up making us all miserable for an hour or longer. So we will see. Any of you experienced moms have any suggestions/observations to share?

Cloth Diapering (and Wiping) Made Easy

After the first few weeks of parenthood you realize what an incredible number of diapers a child goes through in a day. The thought of years of diapers going into a landfill made Hubby and I look for an alternative. None of our peers used cloth diapers and most of our friend's kids are in elementary school, so we really didn't know what cloth diapering was all about. We sought an easy, low impact way to use cloth diapers and found it in a diaper service.

When I first started researching diaper services I didn't think paying someone to pick up and clean our diapers would be economical. I saw cloth diapering as a luxury afforded to people with lots of time and lots of money, the same way wealthy, green-minded people have prohibitively expensive sustainable or repurposed countertops. The service we came upon couldn't make cloth diapering easier at a totally reasonable price. We spend the same amount on cloth diapers that we would on regular diapers in a month.

The service provides prefold diapers in varying quantities and sizes. There are tons of ways to fold these diapers to meet your child's needs. Once the diaper is folded it can be secured with a device called a Snappi, which negates the use of diaper pins. The diaper is then covered with a diaper cover that holds everything in. We receive 1 delivery a week of clean prefold diapers and keep the dirties in a diaper pale until delivery/pickup day rolls around. We own the diaper covers, but the service (and some websites) offer a buyback program so that you can trade up when baby outgrows the cover. The owner met with us when MLO was just a week old and helped us figure out how many diapers to get and showed us how to fold them. She gave us great one-on-one attention and tips. Whenever something comes up all I have to do is call and she is always flexible. Additionally, the service has a gift registry option, so if you are expecting you can sign up for them and register for a few months of service. I love that idea because it allows you to try it out on somebody elses dime! As you can tell, our experience has been stellar.

We also use reusable wipes. When I was pregnant I thought reusable wipes went a bit far, but MLO had really sensitive skin and the doctor recommended we wipe him up with just a wet washcloth. We received  a glut of washcloths that we now use as wipes. This has worked out amazingly well. I do a couple of small loads of diaper associated laundry a week to wash the covers and the 'wipes' and I don't have a big problem with running out of wipes or with a bucket of stinky cloths.

I do have a couple of issues with using the prefold system: the covers (and I suspect the diaper itself) tend to leave red marks on MLO and the covers use velcro to fasten, which can lose grip over time. Baby can also unfasten velcro more easily than snaps. For these reasons I looked into the fancy pocket diapering system called FuzziBunz. These are a fleece cover which secures with snaps and has a special highly absorbent insert. I love that the surface contacting MLO's skin remains dry. Since they are super pricey (almost $18 for ONE diaper/insert) I only own the one diaper. I would like to use them at night, but I haven't found a good used diaper deal on them yet. Hubby considers the prefolds wasteful as both the cover and the insert need to be washed after each use, unlike the Bummis covers we use with prefolds. Also, the service doesn't cover our personal diapers so I would have to wash them all myself, which would be ok, I think. Check out Diaperpin.com for an interesting rating system and forums they have for how-tos and FAQs about pocket diapers, prefolds and reusable wipes.

When we are out and about I do use disposables because I want to be able to just get rid of the dirties. I have had great success with Seventh Generation diapers. I get more of these for less than I can get the Huggies Pure and Natural diapers and I think they work just as well. The Seventh Generation diapers are made without chlorine and with wood pulp and therefore are more environmentally friendly than your typical diaper. Additionally, they are hypoallergenic and fragrance free. When I wanted to experiment with new diapers I wrote to them and they sent me free samples to try in all sorts of different sizes. They were hugely helpful and they make a great product. When we are on the go I also use conventional wipes. We started out using Pampers Sensitive wipes which are also hypoallergenic and fragrance free. I debated switching to the Seventh Generation wipes but I can buy the Pampers in bulk and with MLO's sensitive skin I'm afraid to switch. I would need more than a few from a free sample to know whether the new wipes irritate his skin and I just don't want to risk it.

As you can see, there are lots of diapering options out there. Having a baby doesn't necessarily mean you have to significantly contribute to the massive amount of plastic in landfills, nor does it mean that you have to spend a fortune on cloth diapering.  

A Note About Carrots

Apparently, carrots (beets, broccoli, cabbage, celery, collard greens, lettuce, spinach and turnips, too) have or can have high levels of nitrates. These compounds can be converted to nitrite, which can bind iron in the blood, rendering the iron unable to carry oxygen. Anemia may result if a person consumes enough nitrates. Infants are especially susceptible to nitrate toxicity because of differences in gut flora (the bugs in your intestines that convert certain nutrients) and because of certain enzymes that they have less of than adults do (Greer et al.). The University of Maine cooperative extension suggests limiting intake to 1-2 tablespoons per serving.

The Daily Grind

This is has been a huge month for our family. MLO has become a champ at eating solid foods, pooping real, human poop, crawling, and climbing.

We started solid food with oatmeal instead of the traditional rice cereal on a recommendation from our doc. We have successfully tried banana, butternut squash, and carrots. I'm making the baby food myself which is so easy. I use some ice cube trays with lids to freeze the pureed food into serving sizes and it works great. MLO is eating 2 meals of solid food a day which has cut down on his nursing and his puking (yay!). I am concerned that he isn't getting enough to drink, but he seems happy enough and I offer him water from his sippy cup.

Along with solid food comes the Poop Shift. That relatively odorless yellow mess that used to squeeze out the legs and top of the diaper is no more. In fact, for a few days after his introduction to solids there was no poop at all. You can imagine my anxiety: "When will it happen? How much am I going to have to deal with? Will it hurt him? Will it overflow? Is he impacted?". When it finally happened after almost a week it was not so bad. MLO didn't seem to be bothered by it, although the look of concern and concentration he made while making his special delivery was priceless. I texted my husband, "Full on turds. Stinky turds." Boy, are they stinky. If by chance you miss the spectacle that is his eyebrows furrowing and his face turning purple while he delivers, you will definitely not miss the smell. At first it was a bit pasty and messy to clean up, but now he presents us with neatly bundled poops that roll off into the toilet: no poop laying around in a diaper pail, so no lingering ick. I like it fine.

MLO has mastered crawling. He isn't terribly fast, but when he wants to go he goes efficiently and directly. It is so cute to watch. I definitely need to invest in a pen to keep him safe and allow him to practice while I clean house or make meals. With crawling has come climbing. He pulls himself up on anything he can reach. With both crawling and climbing comes heightened anxiety. I try to let him bonk in hopes that he'll learn to watch his head when coming up to a table or not to crawl into the door, but of course I don't want him to hurt himself. I'm trying to find that balance between appropriately protecting and not hovering anxiously.

Yeah, so big changes this month!

Afterbirth

So much changes after your baby is born; a drastic hormone shift occurs, your body shrinks and suddenly feels empty, you face the needs of a person who depends on you completely. All of those changes bring about their own set of challenges and rewards. My experience was exaggerated by having my son taken from me in the hours after his birth with his subsequent admission to the NICU. Just as nothing can fully prepare you for becoming a parent, nothing can prepare you to be separated from your child and having to observe him hooked up to oxygen, monitor wires and IVs. You just have to get through it, and you do.

When MLO was admitted I was in the baby and mother ward while Hubby was with MLO. I had no idea what was going on for a good 30-40 minutes before a nurse came in and told me that they had admitted my son and were running tests. I was very brave. I didn't cry, I asked the questions that satisfied my need to understand and I rationalized that my son was going to be fine, just as the nurse said, but that he needed a little extra care. I kept my brave face until, exhausted and with the shock of having labored and delivered wearing off, I was wheeled up to the NICU to see my son for the first time since he had been taken from me. When I laid eyes on him I lost it. I couldn't touch him, he was hooked up to several monitors, fluid bags and an oxygen machine. He looked so tiny and helpless and the only things I could do, provide for his nutrition and comfort, I couldn't do. He was receiving nutrients through an IV and I wasn't allowed to hold him. I felt powerless, unnecessary and heartbroken. I wanted to stay with him, but I knew I was worthless with exhaustion and sorrow. Hubby wheeled me back to my room. It rained that night and for days after.

The next day we made our way to the NICU. I was still too weak and anemic to make the walk so Hubby wheeled me down. This time I was allowed to hold MLO and they told me it was ok to try to nurse him. We had a hard time, as MLO was getting most of the nutrients he needed from the IV and was so apparently comforted to be close to me that he just fell asleep. This was the first of the challenges that led to my biggest post-partum frustration: everyone knew more than I did. I had at least two different lactation consultants giving me advice along with the NICU nurses and the physician. Having all of those experts sharing their opinion overshadowed my experience and essentially made me feel worthless and stupid. In hindsight I recognize that I let it bother me more than it should have, but I was hardly myself and I was losing the experience of learning on my own to the differing advice and opinions of experts. Frankly, I had a hard time keeping it together. I just wanted to cry. Hubby and I took turns holding our little fella and then he wheeled me back to my room for lunch.

Later that day I had a psychiatrist visit as is required for all moms with babies in the NICU. She asked the usual questions, "Do you use drugs? Does your spouse abuse you?". She tried to get me to talk about my feelings regarding my son's admission but the whole thing was forced and I just wasn't comfortable with her. I basically just tried to get rid of her. Once she was gone and Hubby was back I felt much better. Hubby could always calm my nerves and set things right. During labor and in the days after MLO was born I realized how profoundly lucky I was to have my Hubby. Through the challenges of the labor and an admitted baby Hubby and I acted as one and even at my weakest he gave me strength. I didn't think I could love him more, but after all that, I did.

In a hospital setting like that there are so many different people giving you advice and guidance. The bombardment is overwhelming and sometimes conflicting. We had the breastfeeding consultants telling us one thing, then when we discussed this with our NICU nurse she seemed to get upset and imply we were doing it wrong. I can't express how difficult that is for a new mom to hear. Not only are you new at this incredibly important job, but you have limited contact with the baby you have been longing to meet  for 9 months and you just want to do it right. Those feelings compounded into a lingering sense of ineptitude.

On the last day of my stay in the hospital all of this came to a head. Everyone was telling me how to do my job, some opinions differed from others and all I wanted was some relaxed, private time with my newborn. I generally felt like I just couldn't do anything right, and compared to these experts, I couldn't. On top of all that floated this cloud of guilt I felt about leaving my baby in the hospital and moving home. I had finally reached the end of my rope and needed to get away from the hospital. As I left the NICU I ran into the therapist and she took my arm and said in this over sympathetic tone, "You look sad." I wanted to yell at her, "Of course I'm sad! I'm leaving my newborn child in the care of strangers and going home! I can't seem to nurse him right! My milk won't come in! Everyone is telling me what to do! Are you kidding?" But all I said was, "I'm just really overwhelmed, and I need to go home" and I turned and walked away.

Once I got home I started to relax and recover. I regained my sanity and cried less when I went to the hospital. Hubby and I essentially took shifts at the NICU until he had to go back to work, then I split my days between bed and the NICU. MLO was recovering well and we were getting better at nursing. I got to enjoy just holding him and when something unexpected happened I had a whole cadre of experts to tell me not to worry about it. I started to reap the benefits of all that knowledge and desire to help. Concurrently the weather began to warm and the sun broke through the clouds.

On the day MLO was discharged the sun was shining. He had a flawless check up with the physician and was given the greenlight to go home. We packed him up and into the car seat. On the way home he slept peacefully. As I stared through the car windows I noticed that the whole world was fresh and bright. The hills were a brilliant green and the sky clear and blue. The beauty of it dazzled me. All the cars seemed to move so fast, I was taken aback by how hurried everything was. I felt content to take our time, our family complete, peacefully travelling home. I mentioned this to Hubby and he agreed. We were both just so happy. The world had never seemed so rich and beautiful to us as it did on the day we brought MLO home, and our lives have been enriched beyond description since.

So maybe all that sorrow and frustration helped us realize how incredibly lucky we were to simply drive home with our kidlet. It certainly made us stronger and in the face of all that doubt I have turned out to be as good a mom as ever I hoped (for now). At least I feel confident that I do right by my son. So yes, there are challenges but the rewards are beyond measure. As Richard Bach said, "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it's hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts."

Mommy and Me = Peace of Mind

When I was pregnant I had these grand visions of participating in all sorts of mommy and me programs with MLO. I envisioned us swimming together, hiking together, playing together and learning together with all of my new-found mommy friends. This was one expectation I actually fulfilled. MLO and I have been a part of some sort of 'mommy and me' program since he was only a couple of months old and they have been total life savers.

The first group I took our son to was a nursing support group hosted by a local breastfeeding consultant. The program was free and tons of moms (with their babies) showed up. We asked our questions and the consultant answered them with great detail and expounded on certain aspects of the issues we hadn't experienced yet or thought about. The topics ranged from breast health to baby health, so it wasn't just about breastfeeding. This was a great opportunity to learn some tips about monitoring my baby's health along with meeting other moms in my exact same situation. While I didn't go enough to make any lasting friends, I value the times I went as educational and comforting.

The second group I took MLO to was a weekly 'Parent Participation' class through our local adult school. This was AWESOME. We shared birth stories and our latest challenges and had guest speakers that covered everything from post-partum depression to infant nutrition. We learned songs and games that I remember from my childhood and some new ones, too. It was a wonderful resource for hashing out our problems and getting advice, for getting better informed about the needs of our growing babies and for re-learning those songs and games that babies love so much. I made some friends in the class and really understood for the first time that I wasn't alone in the challenges I was facing and that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I really couldn't recommend this type of thing more to any new mom.

Concurrently, I took MLO to a mommy and me hiking group (once again, Parent Participation) that met weekly at different trails around the county. This was a wonderful opportunity to meet like minded moms that valued exercise and the outdoors while forcing myself out of the house. It is really easy to become a home-body when you don't get enough sleep and you don't have the motivation to take a shower, much less walk out your front door. Being apart of this group and the parent participation class helped me feel accountable, and therefore, prompted me to get out of the house. In turn, my sanity was preserved and I started to get back in shape.

The next class MLO and I took together was a pre- and post-natal yoga class, also offered through the adult school. I took this with my neighbor whose son is a few months younger than MLO. This is a neat way to practice balance, and I don't just mean the sort you do standing on one foot. With a baby you have to drop what you're doing and attend to his/her needs at the drop of a hat (or a toy). At the same time, you need to find ways to satisfy your own needs for peace and fulfillment in order to retain sanity. Taking my son to yoga allowed me to do both. When we started, he was about 5 months and learning to sit. He was and is very vocal. While I was trying to do a pose he would be trying to scoot around, falling over and bonking his head, or making it known that he was present and how he was feeling about it. I learned to breath through my stretched muscles and through the disruptions, while happily attending to his needs. Sometimes that required me breaking my pose and sometimes it didn't. Every class was a success no matter how much of it I actually was able to do, simply because he and I did it together and me with a peaceful mind. This has proved a great take-home lesson for me.

The short of it is that I really valued these classes as sanity savers and educational tools. I feel more centered when I attend and more social, too. While I still haven't made any lasting friends from these classes I don't feel the least bit cheated. I have had wonderful experiences and have met some really neat people that helped me understand that no parent is perfect, no baby is perfect and that is ok.

Speaking of...

Just as I finished that post I turned around and found him climbing up one of our tables. So I should be practicing mindfulness and watchfulness. Three cheers for mobility!

Mindfulness

I have always had a special place in my heart for Buddhism. Though I don't practice it, I find its principles appealing. One of the principles of Buddhism is mindfulness. In raising my son I have found the principle of mindfulness vary handy and easier than ever to practice. My son, in a sense, has helped me be more aware, more present and thus, more thankful.

When I was pregnant, a friend of mine that had a child about a year older than ours impressed upon me the importance of savoring my little stranger's infancy. In essence, she said that though the time is difficult and exhausting, it is also beautiful and short. When MLO was born I didn't want to take anything for granted. I existed in a state of perpetual wonder: awed by his complete helplessness, his eclipsing cuteness and the all consuming responsibility of caring for him. I tried my best to live each day as it happened. This was aided by knowing that the sleep deprivation that plagued me would not ease up for a couple of months at least, so I tried to let go of wanting it to be different and instead focus on the little joys of everyday. I managed to succeed pretty well. I gloried in holding him while he slept, in watching him watch his world, in satisfying his hunger and in all the little signals he gave that showed he was growing and changing. Sure enough, before I realized it, he was too big to snuggle beneath my chin and instead of watching his world he was cooing to it.

Just the other day he tried butternut squash for the first time and delighted us all by responding with a look of total disgust, followed by an emphatically wide open mouth. He downed his bowl and proceeded to lick it clean. A few days later he learned a very basic form of 'High Five': when prompted he sticks his hand up and gives me this bemused smile. It cracks me up every time, which I think is why he does it. Last night I found him standing up in his crib holding the sides of the rails. I can't believe how quickly he is changing. It is the joy of my life to watch it all unfold. I am so incredibly lucky to be a mother, to be his mother, and to have the luxury to stay at home and raise my son. So today I am focusing on being mindful of my good fortune. Without mindfulness I would miss out on so much joy in every day. Thanks, Buddha.

Tent Camping with Your Baby

So Hubby and I are big time into camping, off-roading, and general outdoors-type entertainment. When I was pregnant with MLO, Hubby and I decided that we wanted to continue to do those things we loved with our little one. As the summer months grew near, I started lightly researching camping tips for parents of kids under 1 year of age. I didn't find a whole lot. We took MLO on his first camping trip when he was just over 3 months old. Before I forget all the stuff we learned this summer I figured I better make this post.

General Ideas:
1. Take a deep breath and accept that you are going into uncharted territory.
Each child is different. For instance, MLO always had a hard time going to sleep if he could see what was going on. He had to be in the tent, in the car, in the carrier (Ergo baby or Baby Bjorn) or in a covered, small travel bassinet in order to fall asleep. There was no sleeping in arms or sleeping in his chair and falling asleep in the carrier was not a guarantee or an easy thing to do. We just had to accept that we couldn't control when and where he was going to nap. If you want to enjoy it, let go of your expectations!

2. Be willing to change plans if necessary to retain the sanity of the family.
On the last day of camping during our first trip we were on the Rubicon Trail. We heard thunder and noted some nasty clouds a-gathering. We decided we didn't want to break camp in the rain the next morning so we packed up that afternoon and headed down the mountain on our7 hour drive home. We got home around midnight, and though it was a long, hard day for all of us, at least we weren't wet....

3. Make a list!
Hubby and I decided to make lists for 3 general areas of packing: kitchen, general camp, and baby. We packed the contents of each list into bins (or coolers where appropriate). This helped keep everything clear in our minds and organized in camp.

4. Pack extra for your first trip.
I wasn't sure how many burp cloths, diapers, wipes, changes of clothes or toys to bring. I looked at our consumption during a day at home and added about 20%. That came in handy when MLO went through more sweatshirts and long sleeved onsies than I expected.

Hubby and I had an amazing time camping with our little fella this summer. We have one of a kind pictures and memories we will hold forever. As we camped more and as MLO grew, we realized we could cut back on some things. For instance, generally it wasn't warm enough for MLO to be in just shorts and a short sleeved onsie so I didn't bring shorts and I brought fewer onsies. Here are some provisions we found particularly useful:

Provisions
1. Unscented diapers and fragrance free wipes: Huggies and Seventh Generation, among others, make unscented diapers and wipes. This is a must for inside the tent! Regardless of whether or not bears are interested in fragranced diapers, I slept better knowing we weren't tempting fate.

2. At least one sleeping bag that isn't a mummy bag. We realized that nighttime was generally too cold for even a jammied, swaddled, beanied, and bagged baby on his own. While we had a pack n' play for naps (which was very handy), MLO slept in a sleeping bag with one of us at night. The mummy bags were too constrictive for 2 of us and I worried that he was going to asphyxiate.

3. A full sized futon mattress. We purchased a basic one of these for camping a few years ago and love it. We tried sleeping on cots with the baby and it was just too awkward. It also fits great in our 4 person tent.

4. Some sort of chair for baby. When MLO was only a few months old we used a rocker that was gifted to us. That thing came in SO handy. It vibrated and soothed and was a safe place we could set him down when we were working in the campsite or eating meals. Once he started sitting up on his own we used a hook on chair that we attached to the picnic table. For that span of time where he was growing out of the rocker but not yet sitting on his own I wish we had the bebePOD. I recently acquired it and LOVE it for around the house and on the go. It would have been great to have in the camp site.

5. Sweatshirts, long sleeved onsies, beanies, footie pajamas and shoes. Camping is cold! We layered our little guy in footie pjs with a pair of pants and a sweatshirt in the morning. We even put shoes on his little feet to keep the heat in.

6. Sunscreen and hats. If your little one is going to be in the sun for more than 15 minutes sunscreen is a must. We had the little mister in hats when he was outdoors too.

From all accounts, camping with a pre-crawler is easy. Don't be scared! If camping is something you loved before your little person joined the world then make it happen and enjoy the ride. I can tell you from experience that you'll be glad you did!

MLO and me overlooking Edison Lake July, 2010. MLO was 4.5 months old.

The way things are.

I had the rare pleasure of watching my son fall asleep in my arms today. Usually, drifting to sleep is a physical battle not conducive to snuggling. As he slept peacefully in my arms I couldn't help but think about how much I love him. I always carry my love for him out in the open, no big mystery, but when I stop and think about how much I love him I feel like I might die. The feeling is simply the most intense adoration I have ever experienced. It completely overwhelms me and my ability to describe it. When I think about how much he means to me I just cry. It's all I can do. I love him so much.

So that got me thinking about spoiling my kid and whether I should never let him know how utterly taken with him I am. That led to my realization that no matter how I portray it to him, he will never really understand how and how much I love him. He will never be a mother. He will never know what it is to sacrifice his body for the healthy, happy existence of someone else. That is not to say that fathers don't love their children deeply and passionately. Indeed I know undoubtedly that they do. It just isn't the same sort of love.

I have to admit it breaks my heart when I think of that: when I note that my love for him can't be returned the same way. I suppose it's another sacrifice mothers make. I value my mother so much more because of that than I did before I understood. It also reminds me that he will break my heart a thousand times and thousand more before I kick the bucket. Every time he tells me I don't do it the way daddy does. The first time he vehemently opposes hugs in public and kisses goodbye in front of his friends. The first time that he shouts, "I hate you!" and slams his bedroom door. When he leaves home for college. Every one of those little triumphs that says your child is growing up, becoming more independent and learning how to care for himself is a little stab at your heart that you really shouldn't be sad about at all. They are all steps away from you, away from that little person you grew and birthed and fed and changed and swaddled. That little person who fell asleep in your arms.

I find this fact of life to be very strange. At first I thought it was karma for those nice young men whose heartfelt advances I so unceremoniously spurned. Then I realized that this is simply the way things are, that I shouldn't feel sad about it. I do, though. The same way I feel sad about having to grow old and die. I wonder, as I continue to grow up and change as a person and as a mom, will this sadness diminish? Is this the way it is when you start out, or a chink in my particular coat of armor; some artifact of an over-blown sense of fairness? It will be interesting to find out.

For now I will go on relishing the feeling of loving someone this much and just being thankful that he is my son: my healthy, happy (and for now, sleeping) baby boy.

Product Suggestion: Speaking of Puke....

So I couldn't write about the challenges of having a pukey baby and not highlight one of the things that saved us from complete insanity. My sister came upon Under The Nile 100% organic Egyptian cotton burp cloths. When I first saw these I thought, "Wow. I'm going to look so pretentious with my fancy-ass burp cloths." Pretentious or no, these things are life savers for a spitty kid. These cloths blow away the competition for absorbency. They are completely no frills which is great because there is no stupid non-absorbent fashion applique as seen on the typical burp cloths other companies make. Additionally, they are incredibly soft. This is a must when wiping up delicate skin several times an hour. As baby ages and the vomiting slows down, these are great for wiping up the copious volumes of drool your child emits during teething. Especially with the winter months approaching, keeping the chin dry helps keep your baby comfortable. That wet chin is prone to rashes from prolonged wetness and chap from exposure to cold temperatures and wind. I definitely recommend these burp cloths to anyone expecting a little one or searching for a bit of sanity in their 'gurge filled world.

Pukefest 2010

Something momentous happened yesterday: my son, for the first time in his life, went more than 5 hours without throwing up. That's right, I got several hours in a row of vomit-free interaction with MLO. You may be wondering what the big deal is, or you may be wondering how he made it 6 months as such an apparently prolific puker. Let me explain.

Vomiting has marked MLO, and all of us that love him, since the day he was born. His first upchuck, only hours after birth, prompted a quick detour as all of us were shuttled from the labor and delivery floor to the mother and baby floor. In the time it took the nurses to clean up his bassinet they noticed that he was breathing laboriously. Subsequent examination resulted in his being admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) with pneumonia. There, MLO spent the first 7 days of his life hooked up to monitors and IVs. It was the worst 7 days I've ever spent.

While in the NICU I had limited contact with him, as I was severely anemic and instructed to get as much sleep and general rest as possible. I was discharged after my second night in the hospital, so I needed to balance naps for me with feeding and bonding time with my newborn 20 minutes away. As our interaction was limited, I had no real concept of the pandemonious pukage I was about to experience. When we finally got MLO home and we started to get better at nursing, I realized that this kid just couldn't keep food down. I worried at first about how he was going to survive with all the vomit he tossed so unceremoniously on me. All of his check ups showed that he was growing at just the right rate, and though he was small, he was developing normally.

Let me tell you friends, that I would not rather be covered in anyone else's regurgitated food than MLO's. And while that may sound honorable of me, the sticky, smelly, stained reality is that if anyone else threw up on me with that shear volume and consistency they would no longer be living in my house. They may no longer be living at all. I couldn't feed MLO in bed because I would end up sitting in a puddle of puke. I didn't bother to shower until the end of the day because, inevitably, I would have hurl in my hair, puke on my clothes and vomit in my cleavage. Multiple times a day. Every day. I changed clothes three or more times a day and I still stank of regurgitated breastmilk.

Yes, regurgitated breastmilk stinks. The intensity of aroma depends on how long the milk has been exposed to the digestive enzymes of the stomach; in some cases the smell is only slightly offensive, in other cases the stench is akin to really really bad blue cheese. MLO has actually induced gagging in his loved ones by spitting up on them. Not only is the smell bad, but the clumpy, slimy consistency is not unlike a thicker version of cottage cheese. Imagine that dropping a few feet into your toes or imagine trying to fish it out of your hair. I loved snuggling him under my chin, even though that meant the eventual puddle of puke between my boobs. Ick.

So ok, the puke is gross, but the volume of puke was amazing. This child could eject enough vomit to create a puddle (with splatter) of a couple of feet in diameter. He could throw up, then throw up again, then do it again within 60 seconds. The worst though, was when he would 'gurge and I would just finish cleaning up the puddle when he would 'gurge again. Hard surfaces provided the optimal clean up area. Unfortunately I chose to nurse on our couch (much more comfortable than a wooden chair downstairs on a wooden floor). One simply can't clean up that much vomit from fabric: it soaks in too quickly. Hubby made the mistake of putting his nose down close to the seat cushion once and came up gagging. Yup, our couch smells like old, funky milk.

It doesn't help that this is my breastmilk. I try not to think about how many of our friends have had the misfortune of coming into contact with my breastmilk second hand.  The dogs, on the other hand, love coming into contact with it. That's right, the dogs will seek out and lap up any bit of regurgitated breastmilk, my breastmilk, they can find. I can't tell you how that sickens me. My dogs, licking up my breastmilk, that used to be in my sons stomach. Disgusting.

Well, if this post hasn't made you want to go out and puke then you're made for this whole parenthood thing. Don't worry, if you've tossed some chunks during the course of reading this take comfort in the knowledge that I probably would have, too, before it was me writing it. Motherhood makes you tough. Thankfully, with each passing day the puke lessens: yay for growing baby and yay for solid food. The unfortunate thing about solid food is what subsequently comes out the other end. I will leave that equally lovely topic for another post.