When I was pregnant I had these grand visions of participating in all sorts of mommy and me programs with MLO. I envisioned us swimming together, hiking together, playing together and learning together with all of my new-found mommy friends. This was one expectation I actually fulfilled. MLO and I have been a part of some sort of 'mommy and me' program since he was only a couple of months old and they have been total life savers.
The first group I took our son to was a nursing support group hosted by a local breastfeeding consultant. The program was free and tons of moms (with their babies) showed up. We asked our questions and the consultant answered them with great detail and expounded on certain aspects of the issues we hadn't experienced yet or thought about. The topics ranged from breast health to baby health, so it wasn't just about breastfeeding. This was a great opportunity to learn some tips about monitoring my baby's health along with meeting other moms in my exact same situation. While I didn't go enough to make any lasting friends, I value the times I went as educational and comforting.
The second group I took MLO to was a weekly 'Parent Participation' class through our local adult school. This was AWESOME. We shared birth stories and our latest challenges and had guest speakers that covered everything from post-partum depression to infant nutrition. We learned songs and games that I remember from my childhood and some new ones, too. It was a wonderful resource for hashing out our problems and getting advice, for getting better informed about the needs of our growing babies and for re-learning those songs and games that babies love so much. I made some friends in the class and really understood for the first time that I wasn't alone in the challenges I was facing and that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I really couldn't recommend this type of thing more to any new mom.
Concurrently, I took MLO to a mommy and me hiking group (once again, Parent Participation) that met weekly at different trails around the county. This was a wonderful opportunity to meet like minded moms that valued exercise and the outdoors while forcing myself out of the house. It is really easy to become a home-body when you don't get enough sleep and you don't have the motivation to take a shower, much less walk out your front door. Being apart of this group and the parent participation class helped me feel accountable, and therefore, prompted me to get out of the house. In turn, my sanity was preserved and I started to get back in shape.
The next class MLO and I took together was a pre- and post-natal yoga class, also offered through the adult school. I took this with my neighbor whose son is a few months younger than MLO. This is a neat way to practice balance, and I don't just mean the sort you do standing on one foot. With a baby you have to drop what you're doing and attend to his/her needs at the drop of a hat (or a toy). At the same time, you need to find ways to satisfy your own needs for peace and fulfillment in order to retain sanity. Taking my son to yoga allowed me to do both. When we started, he was about 5 months and learning to sit. He was and is very vocal. While I was trying to do a pose he would be trying to scoot around, falling over and bonking his head, or making it known that he was present and how he was feeling about it. I learned to breath through my stretched muscles and through the disruptions, while happily attending to his needs. Sometimes that required me breaking my pose and sometimes it didn't. Every class was a success no matter how much of it I actually was able to do, simply because he and I did it together and me with a peaceful mind. This has proved a great take-home lesson for me.
The short of it is that I really valued these classes as sanity savers and educational tools. I feel more centered when I attend and more social, too. While I still haven't made any lasting friends from these classes I don't feel the least bit cheated. I have had wonderful experiences and have met some really neat people that helped me understand that no parent is perfect, no baby is perfect and that is ok.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Speaking of...
Just as I finished that post I turned around and found him climbing up one of our tables. So I should be practicing mindfulness and watchfulness. Three cheers for mobility!
Mindfulness
I have always had a special place in my heart for Buddhism. Though I don't practice it, I find its principles appealing. One of the principles of Buddhism is mindfulness. In raising my son I have found the principle of mindfulness vary handy and easier than ever to practice. My son, in a sense, has helped me be more aware, more present and thus, more thankful.
When I was pregnant, a friend of mine that had a child about a year older than ours impressed upon me the importance of savoring my little stranger's infancy. In essence, she said that though the time is difficult and exhausting, it is also beautiful and short. When MLO was born I didn't want to take anything for granted. I existed in a state of perpetual wonder: awed by his complete helplessness, his eclipsing cuteness and the all consuming responsibility of caring for him. I tried my best to live each day as it happened. This was aided by knowing that the sleep deprivation that plagued me would not ease up for a couple of months at least, so I tried to let go of wanting it to be different and instead focus on the little joys of everyday. I managed to succeed pretty well. I gloried in holding him while he slept, in watching him watch his world, in satisfying his hunger and in all the little signals he gave that showed he was growing and changing. Sure enough, before I realized it, he was too big to snuggle beneath my chin and instead of watching his world he was cooing to it.
Just the other day he tried butternut squash for the first time and delighted us all by responding with a look of total disgust, followed by an emphatically wide open mouth. He downed his bowl and proceeded to lick it clean. A few days later he learned a very basic form of 'High Five': when prompted he sticks his hand up and gives me this bemused smile. It cracks me up every time, which I think is why he does it. Last night I found him standing up in his crib holding the sides of the rails. I can't believe how quickly he is changing. It is the joy of my life to watch it all unfold. I am so incredibly lucky to be a mother, to be his mother, and to have the luxury to stay at home and raise my son. So today I am focusing on being mindful of my good fortune. Without mindfulness I would miss out on so much joy in every day. Thanks, Buddha.
When I was pregnant, a friend of mine that had a child about a year older than ours impressed upon me the importance of savoring my little stranger's infancy. In essence, she said that though the time is difficult and exhausting, it is also beautiful and short. When MLO was born I didn't want to take anything for granted. I existed in a state of perpetual wonder: awed by his complete helplessness, his eclipsing cuteness and the all consuming responsibility of caring for him. I tried my best to live each day as it happened. This was aided by knowing that the sleep deprivation that plagued me would not ease up for a couple of months at least, so I tried to let go of wanting it to be different and instead focus on the little joys of everyday. I managed to succeed pretty well. I gloried in holding him while he slept, in watching him watch his world, in satisfying his hunger and in all the little signals he gave that showed he was growing and changing. Sure enough, before I realized it, he was too big to snuggle beneath my chin and instead of watching his world he was cooing to it.
Just the other day he tried butternut squash for the first time and delighted us all by responding with a look of total disgust, followed by an emphatically wide open mouth. He downed his bowl and proceeded to lick it clean. A few days later he learned a very basic form of 'High Five': when prompted he sticks his hand up and gives me this bemused smile. It cracks me up every time, which I think is why he does it. Last night I found him standing up in his crib holding the sides of the rails. I can't believe how quickly he is changing. It is the joy of my life to watch it all unfold. I am so incredibly lucky to be a mother, to be his mother, and to have the luxury to stay at home and raise my son. So today I am focusing on being mindful of my good fortune. Without mindfulness I would miss out on so much joy in every day. Thanks, Buddha.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Tent Camping with Your Baby
So Hubby and I are big time into camping, off-roading, and general outdoors-type entertainment. When I was pregnant with MLO, Hubby and I decided that we wanted to continue to do those things we loved with our little one. As the summer months grew near, I started lightly researching camping tips for parents of kids under 1 year of age. I didn't find a whole lot. We took MLO on his first camping trip when he was just over 3 months old. Before I forget all the stuff we learned this summer I figured I better make this post.
General Ideas:
1. Take a deep breath and accept that you are going into uncharted territory.
Each child is different. For instance, MLO always had a hard time going to sleep if he could see what was going on. He had to be in the tent, in the car, in the carrier (Ergo baby or Baby Bjorn) or in a covered, small travel bassinet in order to fall asleep. There was no sleeping in arms or sleeping in his chair and falling asleep in the carrier was not a guarantee or an easy thing to do. We just had to accept that we couldn't control when and where he was going to nap. If you want to enjoy it, let go of your expectations!
2. Be willing to change plans if necessary to retain the sanity of the family.
On the last day of camping during our first trip we were on the Rubicon Trail. We heard thunder and noted some nasty clouds a-gathering. We decided we didn't want to break camp in the rain the next morning so we packed up that afternoon and headed down the mountain on our7 hour drive home. We got home around midnight, and though it was a long, hard day for all of us, at least we weren't wet....
3. Make a list!
Hubby and I decided to make lists for 3 general areas of packing: kitchen, general camp, and baby. We packed the contents of each list into bins (or coolers where appropriate). This helped keep everything clear in our minds and organized in camp.
4. Pack extra for your first trip.
I wasn't sure how many burp cloths, diapers, wipes, changes of clothes or toys to bring. I looked at our consumption during a day at home and added about 20%. That came in handy when MLO went through more sweatshirts and long sleeved onsies than I expected.
Hubby and I had an amazing time camping with our little fella this summer. We have one of a kind pictures and memories we will hold forever. As we camped more and as MLO grew, we realized we could cut back on some things. For instance, generally it wasn't warm enough for MLO to be in just shorts and a short sleeved onsie so I didn't bring shorts and I brought fewer onsies. Here are some provisions we found particularly useful:
Provisions
1. Unscented diapers and fragrance free wipes: Huggies and Seventh Generation, among others, make unscented diapers and wipes. This is a must for inside the tent! Regardless of whether or not bears are interested in fragranced diapers, I slept better knowing we weren't tempting fate.
2. At least one sleeping bag that isn't a mummy bag. We realized that nighttime was generally too cold for even a jammied, swaddled, beanied, and bagged baby on his own. While we had a pack n' play for naps (which was very handy), MLO slept in a sleeping bag with one of us at night. The mummy bags were too constrictive for 2 of us and I worried that he was going to asphyxiate.
3. A full sized futon mattress. We purchased a basic one of these for camping a few years ago and love it. We tried sleeping on cots with the baby and it was just too awkward. It also fits great in our 4 person tent.
4. Some sort of chair for baby. When MLO was only a few months old we used a rocker that was gifted to us. That thing came in SO handy. It vibrated and soothed and was a safe place we could set him down when we were working in the campsite or eating meals. Once he started sitting up on his own we used a hook on chair that we attached to the picnic table. For that span of time where he was growing out of the rocker but not yet sitting on his own I wish we had the bebePOD. I recently acquired it and LOVE it for around the house and on the go. It would have been great to have in the camp site.
5. Sweatshirts, long sleeved onsies, beanies, footie pajamas and shoes. Camping is cold! We layered our little guy in footie pjs with a pair of pants and a sweatshirt in the morning. We even put shoes on his little feet to keep the heat in.
6. Sunscreen and hats. If your little one is going to be in the sun for more than 15 minutes sunscreen is a must. We had the little mister in hats when he was outdoors too.
From all accounts, camping with a pre-crawler is easy. Don't be scared! If camping is something you loved before your little person joined the world then make it happen and enjoy the ride. I can tell you from experience that you'll be glad you did!
General Ideas:
1. Take a deep breath and accept that you are going into uncharted territory.
Each child is different. For instance, MLO always had a hard time going to sleep if he could see what was going on. He had to be in the tent, in the car, in the carrier (Ergo baby or Baby Bjorn) or in a covered, small travel bassinet in order to fall asleep. There was no sleeping in arms or sleeping in his chair and falling asleep in the carrier was not a guarantee or an easy thing to do. We just had to accept that we couldn't control when and where he was going to nap. If you want to enjoy it, let go of your expectations!
2. Be willing to change plans if necessary to retain the sanity of the family.
On the last day of camping during our first trip we were on the Rubicon Trail. We heard thunder and noted some nasty clouds a-gathering. We decided we didn't want to break camp in the rain the next morning so we packed up that afternoon and headed down the mountain on our7 hour drive home. We got home around midnight, and though it was a long, hard day for all of us, at least we weren't wet....
3. Make a list!
Hubby and I decided to make lists for 3 general areas of packing: kitchen, general camp, and baby. We packed the contents of each list into bins (or coolers where appropriate). This helped keep everything clear in our minds and organized in camp.
4. Pack extra for your first trip.
I wasn't sure how many burp cloths, diapers, wipes, changes of clothes or toys to bring. I looked at our consumption during a day at home and added about 20%. That came in handy when MLO went through more sweatshirts and long sleeved onsies than I expected.
Hubby and I had an amazing time camping with our little fella this summer. We have one of a kind pictures and memories we will hold forever. As we camped more and as MLO grew, we realized we could cut back on some things. For instance, generally it wasn't warm enough for MLO to be in just shorts and a short sleeved onsie so I didn't bring shorts and I brought fewer onsies. Here are some provisions we found particularly useful:
Provisions
1. Unscented diapers and fragrance free wipes: Huggies and Seventh Generation, among others, make unscented diapers and wipes. This is a must for inside the tent! Regardless of whether or not bears are interested in fragranced diapers, I slept better knowing we weren't tempting fate.
2. At least one sleeping bag that isn't a mummy bag. We realized that nighttime was generally too cold for even a jammied, swaddled, beanied, and bagged baby on his own. While we had a pack n' play for naps (which was very handy), MLO slept in a sleeping bag with one of us at night. The mummy bags were too constrictive for 2 of us and I worried that he was going to asphyxiate.
3. A full sized futon mattress. We purchased a basic one of these for camping a few years ago and love it. We tried sleeping on cots with the baby and it was just too awkward. It also fits great in our 4 person tent.
4. Some sort of chair for baby. When MLO was only a few months old we used a rocker that was gifted to us. That thing came in SO handy. It vibrated and soothed and was a safe place we could set him down when we were working in the campsite or eating meals. Once he started sitting up on his own we used a hook on chair that we attached to the picnic table. For that span of time where he was growing out of the rocker but not yet sitting on his own I wish we had the bebePOD. I recently acquired it and LOVE it for around the house and on the go. It would have been great to have in the camp site.
5. Sweatshirts, long sleeved onsies, beanies, footie pajamas and shoes. Camping is cold! We layered our little guy in footie pjs with a pair of pants and a sweatshirt in the morning. We even put shoes on his little feet to keep the heat in.
6. Sunscreen and hats. If your little one is going to be in the sun for more than 15 minutes sunscreen is a must. We had the little mister in hats when he was outdoors too.
From all accounts, camping with a pre-crawler is easy. Don't be scared! If camping is something you loved before your little person joined the world then make it happen and enjoy the ride. I can tell you from experience that you'll be glad you did!
 |
| MLO and me overlooking Edison Lake July, 2010. MLO was 4.5 months old. |
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The way things are.
I had the rare pleasure of watching my son fall asleep in my arms today. Usually, drifting to sleep is a physical battle not conducive to snuggling. As he slept peacefully in my arms I couldn't help but think about how much I love him. I always carry my love for him out in the open, no big mystery, but when I stop and think about how much I love him I feel like I might die. The feeling is simply the most intense adoration I have ever experienced. It completely overwhelms me and my ability to describe it. When I think about how much he means to me I just cry. It's all I can do. I love him so much.
So that got me thinking about spoiling my kid and whether I should never let him know how utterly taken with him I am. That led to my realization that no matter how I portray it to him, he will never really understand how and how much I love him. He will never be a mother. He will never know what it is to sacrifice his body for the healthy, happy existence of someone else. That is not to say that fathers don't love their children deeply and passionately. Indeed I know undoubtedly that they do. It just isn't the same sort of love.
I have to admit it breaks my heart when I think of that: when I note that my love for him can't be returned the same way. I suppose it's another sacrifice mothers make. I value my mother so much more because of that than I did before I understood. It also reminds me that he will break my heart a thousand times and thousand more before I kick the bucket. Every time he tells me I don't do it the way daddy does. The first time he vehemently opposes hugs in public and kisses goodbye in front of his friends. The first time that he shouts, "I hate you!" and slams his bedroom door. When he leaves home for college. Every one of those little triumphs that says your child is growing up, becoming more independent and learning how to care for himself is a little stab at your heart that you really shouldn't be sad about at all. They are all steps away from you, away from that little person you grew and birthed and fed and changed and swaddled. That little person who fell asleep in your arms.
I find this fact of life to be very strange. At first I thought it was karma for those nice young men whose heartfelt advances I so unceremoniously spurned. Then I realized that this is simply the way things are, that I shouldn't feel sad about it. I do, though. The same way I feel sad about having to grow old and die. I wonder, as I continue to grow up and change as a person and as a mom, will this sadness diminish? Is this the way it is when you start out, or a chink in my particular coat of armor; some artifact of an over-blown sense of fairness? It will be interesting to find out.
For now I will go on relishing the feeling of loving someone this much and just being thankful that he is my son: my healthy, happy (and for now, sleeping) baby boy.
So that got me thinking about spoiling my kid and whether I should never let him know how utterly taken with him I am. That led to my realization that no matter how I portray it to him, he will never really understand how and how much I love him. He will never be a mother. He will never know what it is to sacrifice his body for the healthy, happy existence of someone else. That is not to say that fathers don't love their children deeply and passionately. Indeed I know undoubtedly that they do. It just isn't the same sort of love.
I have to admit it breaks my heart when I think of that: when I note that my love for him can't be returned the same way. I suppose it's another sacrifice mothers make. I value my mother so much more because of that than I did before I understood. It also reminds me that he will break my heart a thousand times and thousand more before I kick the bucket. Every time he tells me I don't do it the way daddy does. The first time he vehemently opposes hugs in public and kisses goodbye in front of his friends. The first time that he shouts, "I hate you!" and slams his bedroom door. When he leaves home for college. Every one of those little triumphs that says your child is growing up, becoming more independent and learning how to care for himself is a little stab at your heart that you really shouldn't be sad about at all. They are all steps away from you, away from that little person you grew and birthed and fed and changed and swaddled. That little person who fell asleep in your arms.
I find this fact of life to be very strange. At first I thought it was karma for those nice young men whose heartfelt advances I so unceremoniously spurned. Then I realized that this is simply the way things are, that I shouldn't feel sad about it. I do, though. The same way I feel sad about having to grow old and die. I wonder, as I continue to grow up and change as a person and as a mom, will this sadness diminish? Is this the way it is when you start out, or a chink in my particular coat of armor; some artifact of an over-blown sense of fairness? It will be interesting to find out.
For now I will go on relishing the feeling of loving someone this much and just being thankful that he is my son: my healthy, happy (and for now, sleeping) baby boy.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Product Suggestion: Speaking of Puke....
So I couldn't write about the challenges of having a pukey baby and not highlight one of the things that saved us from complete insanity. My sister came upon Under The Nile 100% organic Egyptian cotton burp cloths. When I first saw these I thought, "Wow. I'm going to look so pretentious with my fancy-ass burp cloths." Pretentious or no, these things are life savers for a spitty kid. These cloths blow away the competition for absorbency. They are completely no frills which is great because there is no stupid non-absorbent fashion applique as seen on the typical burp cloths other companies make. Additionally, they are incredibly soft. This is a must when wiping up delicate skin several times an hour. As baby ages and the vomiting slows down, these are great for wiping up the copious volumes of drool your child emits during teething. Especially with the winter months approaching, keeping the chin dry helps keep your baby comfortable. That wet chin is prone to rashes from prolonged wetness and chap from exposure to cold temperatures and wind. I definitely recommend these burp cloths to anyone expecting a little one or searching for a bit of sanity in their 'gurge filled world.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Pukefest 2010
Something momentous happened yesterday: my son, for the first time in his life, went more than 5 hours without throwing up. That's right, I got several hours in a row of vomit-free interaction with MLO. You may be wondering what the big deal is, or you may be wondering how he made it 6 months as such an apparently prolific puker. Let me explain.
Vomiting has marked MLO, and all of us that love him, since the day he was born. His first upchuck, only hours after birth, prompted a quick detour as all of us were shuttled from the labor and delivery floor to the mother and baby floor. In the time it took the nurses to clean up his bassinet they noticed that he was breathing laboriously. Subsequent examination resulted in his being admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) with pneumonia. There, MLO spent the first 7 days of his life hooked up to monitors and IVs. It was the worst 7 days I've ever spent.
While in the NICU I had limited contact with him, as I was severely anemic and instructed to get as much sleep and general rest as possible. I was discharged after my second night in the hospital, so I needed to balance naps for me with feeding and bonding time with my newborn 20 minutes away. As our interaction was limited, I had no real concept of the pandemonious pukage I was about to experience. When we finally got MLO home and we started to get better at nursing, I realized that this kid just couldn't keep food down. I worried at first about how he was going to survive with all the vomit he tossed so unceremoniously on me. All of his check ups showed that he was growing at just the right rate, and though he was small, he was developing normally.
Let me tell you friends, that I would not rather be covered in anyone else's regurgitated food than MLO's. And while that may sound honorable of me, the sticky, smelly, stained reality is that if anyone else threw up on me with that shear volume and consistency they would no longer be living in my house. They may no longer be living at all. I couldn't feed MLO in bed because I would end up sitting in a puddle of puke. I didn't bother to shower until the end of the day because, inevitably, I would have hurl in my hair, puke on my clothes and vomit in my cleavage. Multiple times a day. Every day. I changed clothes three or more times a day and I still stank of regurgitated breastmilk.
Yes, regurgitated breastmilk stinks. The intensity of aroma depends on how long the milk has been exposed to the digestive enzymes of the stomach; in some cases the smell is only slightly offensive, in other cases the stench is akin to really really bad blue cheese. MLO has actually induced gagging in his loved ones by spitting up on them. Not only is the smell bad, but the clumpy, slimy consistency is not unlike a thicker version of cottage cheese. Imagine that dropping a few feet into your toes or imagine trying to fish it out of your hair. I loved snuggling him under my chin, even though that meant the eventual puddle of puke between my boobs. Ick.
So ok, the puke is gross, but the volume of puke was amazing. This child could eject enough vomit to create a puddle (with splatter) of a couple of feet in diameter. He could throw up, then throw up again, then do it again within 60 seconds. The worst though, was when he would 'gurge and I would just finish cleaning up the puddle when he would 'gurge again. Hard surfaces provided the optimal clean up area. Unfortunately I chose to nurse on our couch (much more comfortable than a wooden chair downstairs on a wooden floor). One simply can't clean up that much vomit from fabric: it soaks in too quickly. Hubby made the mistake of putting his nose down close to the seat cushion once and came up gagging. Yup, our couch smells like old, funky milk.
It doesn't help that this is my breastmilk. I try not to think about how many of our friends have had the misfortune of coming into contact with my breastmilk second hand. The dogs, on the other hand, love coming into contact with it. That's right, the dogs will seek out and lap up any bit of regurgitated breastmilk, my breastmilk, they can find. I can't tell you how that sickens me. My dogs, licking up my breastmilk, that used to be in my sons stomach. Disgusting.
Well, if this post hasn't made you want to go out and puke then you're made for this whole parenthood thing. Don't worry, if you've tossed some chunks during the course of reading this take comfort in the knowledge that I probably would have, too, before it was me writing it. Motherhood makes you tough. Thankfully, with each passing day the puke lessens: yay for growing baby and yay for solid food. The unfortunate thing about solid food is what subsequently comes out the other end. I will leave that equally lovely topic for another post.
Vomiting has marked MLO, and all of us that love him, since the day he was born. His first upchuck, only hours after birth, prompted a quick detour as all of us were shuttled from the labor and delivery floor to the mother and baby floor. In the time it took the nurses to clean up his bassinet they noticed that he was breathing laboriously. Subsequent examination resulted in his being admitted to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) with pneumonia. There, MLO spent the first 7 days of his life hooked up to monitors and IVs. It was the worst 7 days I've ever spent.
While in the NICU I had limited contact with him, as I was severely anemic and instructed to get as much sleep and general rest as possible. I was discharged after my second night in the hospital, so I needed to balance naps for me with feeding and bonding time with my newborn 20 minutes away. As our interaction was limited, I had no real concept of the pandemonious pukage I was about to experience. When we finally got MLO home and we started to get better at nursing, I realized that this kid just couldn't keep food down. I worried at first about how he was going to survive with all the vomit he tossed so unceremoniously on me. All of his check ups showed that he was growing at just the right rate, and though he was small, he was developing normally.
Let me tell you friends, that I would not rather be covered in anyone else's regurgitated food than MLO's. And while that may sound honorable of me, the sticky, smelly, stained reality is that if anyone else threw up on me with that shear volume and consistency they would no longer be living in my house. They may no longer be living at all. I couldn't feed MLO in bed because I would end up sitting in a puddle of puke. I didn't bother to shower until the end of the day because, inevitably, I would have hurl in my hair, puke on my clothes and vomit in my cleavage. Multiple times a day. Every day. I changed clothes three or more times a day and I still stank of regurgitated breastmilk.
Yes, regurgitated breastmilk stinks. The intensity of aroma depends on how long the milk has been exposed to the digestive enzymes of the stomach; in some cases the smell is only slightly offensive, in other cases the stench is akin to really really bad blue cheese. MLO has actually induced gagging in his loved ones by spitting up on them. Not only is the smell bad, but the clumpy, slimy consistency is not unlike a thicker version of cottage cheese. Imagine that dropping a few feet into your toes or imagine trying to fish it out of your hair. I loved snuggling him under my chin, even though that meant the eventual puddle of puke between my boobs. Ick.
So ok, the puke is gross, but the volume of puke was amazing. This child could eject enough vomit to create a puddle (with splatter) of a couple of feet in diameter. He could throw up, then throw up again, then do it again within 60 seconds. The worst though, was when he would 'gurge and I would just finish cleaning up the puddle when he would 'gurge again. Hard surfaces provided the optimal clean up area. Unfortunately I chose to nurse on our couch (much more comfortable than a wooden chair downstairs on a wooden floor). One simply can't clean up that much vomit from fabric: it soaks in too quickly. Hubby made the mistake of putting his nose down close to the seat cushion once and came up gagging. Yup, our couch smells like old, funky milk.
It doesn't help that this is my breastmilk. I try not to think about how many of our friends have had the misfortune of coming into contact with my breastmilk second hand. The dogs, on the other hand, love coming into contact with it. That's right, the dogs will seek out and lap up any bit of regurgitated breastmilk, my breastmilk, they can find. I can't tell you how that sickens me. My dogs, licking up my breastmilk, that used to be in my sons stomach. Disgusting.
Well, if this post hasn't made you want to go out and puke then you're made for this whole parenthood thing. Don't worry, if you've tossed some chunks during the course of reading this take comfort in the knowledge that I probably would have, too, before it was me writing it. Motherhood makes you tough. Thankfully, with each passing day the puke lessens: yay for growing baby and yay for solid food. The unfortunate thing about solid food is what subsequently comes out the other end. I will leave that equally lovely topic for another post.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Groggy
As many of you new moms know (and as you soon-to-be-moms will find out) sleep is a premium. My son just turned 6 months old and sleep is still a difficult to attain and tenuously held object of my desire. I haven't slept through the night in half a year. Moreover, my son has a rocky relationship with napping, so getting through the day with more than an hour to myself at a time is a miracle. I am tired of being tired, and I worry that my son isn't getting the sleep he needs to grow.
For My Little One (MLO), sleep means a chance for all those nutrients and calories to go toward growth rather than the endless arm waving, leg kicking, noise making, body rolling and crawl attempting that constitutes my son's awake time. He is not a subdued child. It also means a chance for him to process all those novel stimuli he encountered in the 60-150 minutes he was awake and interacting with his world. Finally, it means going from a cranky whiner to a laughing companion. For me, it means an hour of blog writing, paper editing, data analysis, or house cleaning. We are all happier when the baby is well rested. Unfortunately, the little mister simply doesn't want to do it. He fights gum and nail to stay awake. I have watched as he falls asleep and when his eyes drift closed his body starts and he opens his eyes up as wide as they will go. Then starts another round of coaxing to sleep.
There are so many methods and philosophies regarding sleep in babies. Dr. Spock, Dr. Sears, The Sleep Lady, The No Cry Sleep Solution are just a few of the authorities or sleep bibles we are told are 'The Right Way' to get your child to sleep. Not only are these all 'The Right Way' the consequences should you not follow the prescribed Way are dire: you and your child will suffer for years as a result of your inability to resist his/her manipulation or your child will think you don't love him/her and will end up with deep insecurities. Really? Each of these differing philosophies is 'The Right Way' and if I don't pick the right one and follow through my child will end up damaged and our relationship scarred? I don't believe it. If there is anything I've learned in the last 6 months it is that my son is unique, resilient and sure he is loved. We didn't pick any one parenting philosophy and follow it to the letter, and dammit, I'm not going to be bullied into picking a single 'sleep solution' and dedicate the family to following it no matter what.
For all of my resolution to resist The Man I am prey to the fear He has instilled in me. I fear giving MLO a sleep complex. I fear not recognizing that he is working me and thereby letting him get into bad habits. I fear that he isn't getting the crucial sleep time his body and mind need. I fear that in an attempt to modify and explore different methods we are disrupting any routine that he is trying to get used to. While there are all of these inherent fears about the static issue of sleep there is the challenge of adapting to an ever changing child. He is growing so fast and his mental and physical capabilities are morphing just as quickly. I am overwhelmed by Sleep.
So... what do I do? At this point we have tried parenting him to sleep (which seemed to result in waking more often at night and a progressively difficult napping routine) and letting him cry it out (which he can do for an hour or longer... awful for all of us). We have at this point adopted a mixed up version of the two. We have a definite going to bed routine for nighttime and naptime which results in (usually) a calm and quiet baby placed in the crib. We spend a minute or so (depending on whether he is responsive to it) gently holding his ever flailing arms down so as to promote relaxation, then we say 'NiNight' and leave the room. This tends to send him into a yelling bout with varying intensity. Sometimes he goes to sleep relatively quietly, sometimes he yells and complains for up to an hour. When the complaining is long-lived we will go in every 10 or so minutes and reposition him (by this time he has rolled over and wedged himself into a corner of the crib) and trying to keep a straight face and eye contact go through our literal hand holding before walking away. The worst is, after all of that, he wakes up bright eyed and cheery after 30-40 minutes of sleep. Rare are the 1 hour or longer naps of yestermonth.
Well there you have it. One more example of how all those books and people who 'know' just make parenting more anxiety ridden and how you have to find the way that works for you through trial and error. I try to be mindful that my son is healthy, happy and well loved. That he is growing just fine and that I'm lucky for all of the joys that he brings. I try to be mindful that I can't be perfect and that as long as I love him and have his best interests at heart, the likelyhood that I ruin him for life is really pretty small. I hope.
For My Little One (MLO), sleep means a chance for all those nutrients and calories to go toward growth rather than the endless arm waving, leg kicking, noise making, body rolling and crawl attempting that constitutes my son's awake time. He is not a subdued child. It also means a chance for him to process all those novel stimuli he encountered in the 60-150 minutes he was awake and interacting with his world. Finally, it means going from a cranky whiner to a laughing companion. For me, it means an hour of blog writing, paper editing, data analysis, or house cleaning. We are all happier when the baby is well rested. Unfortunately, the little mister simply doesn't want to do it. He fights gum and nail to stay awake. I have watched as he falls asleep and when his eyes drift closed his body starts and he opens his eyes up as wide as they will go. Then starts another round of coaxing to sleep.
There are so many methods and philosophies regarding sleep in babies. Dr. Spock, Dr. Sears, The Sleep Lady, The No Cry Sleep Solution are just a few of the authorities or sleep bibles we are told are 'The Right Way' to get your child to sleep. Not only are these all 'The Right Way' the consequences should you not follow the prescribed Way are dire: you and your child will suffer for years as a result of your inability to resist his/her manipulation or your child will think you don't love him/her and will end up with deep insecurities. Really? Each of these differing philosophies is 'The Right Way' and if I don't pick the right one and follow through my child will end up damaged and our relationship scarred? I don't believe it. If there is anything I've learned in the last 6 months it is that my son is unique, resilient and sure he is loved. We didn't pick any one parenting philosophy and follow it to the letter, and dammit, I'm not going to be bullied into picking a single 'sleep solution' and dedicate the family to following it no matter what.
For all of my resolution to resist The Man I am prey to the fear He has instilled in me. I fear giving MLO a sleep complex. I fear not recognizing that he is working me and thereby letting him get into bad habits. I fear that he isn't getting the crucial sleep time his body and mind need. I fear that in an attempt to modify and explore different methods we are disrupting any routine that he is trying to get used to. While there are all of these inherent fears about the static issue of sleep there is the challenge of adapting to an ever changing child. He is growing so fast and his mental and physical capabilities are morphing just as quickly. I am overwhelmed by Sleep.
So... what do I do? At this point we have tried parenting him to sleep (which seemed to result in waking more often at night and a progressively difficult napping routine) and letting him cry it out (which he can do for an hour or longer... awful for all of us). We have at this point adopted a mixed up version of the two. We have a definite going to bed routine for nighttime and naptime which results in (usually) a calm and quiet baby placed in the crib. We spend a minute or so (depending on whether he is responsive to it) gently holding his ever flailing arms down so as to promote relaxation, then we say 'NiNight' and leave the room. This tends to send him into a yelling bout with varying intensity. Sometimes he goes to sleep relatively quietly, sometimes he yells and complains for up to an hour. When the complaining is long-lived we will go in every 10 or so minutes and reposition him (by this time he has rolled over and wedged himself into a corner of the crib) and trying to keep a straight face and eye contact go through our literal hand holding before walking away. The worst is, after all of that, he wakes up bright eyed and cheery after 30-40 minutes of sleep. Rare are the 1 hour or longer naps of yestermonth.
Well there you have it. One more example of how all those books and people who 'know' just make parenting more anxiety ridden and how you have to find the way that works for you through trial and error. I try to be mindful that my son is healthy, happy and well loved. That he is growing just fine and that I'm lucky for all of the joys that he brings. I try to be mindful that I can't be perfect and that as long as I love him and have his best interests at heart, the likelyhood that I ruin him for life is really pretty small. I hope.
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