19 Months and a Bucket Full of Toys

Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin by saying that I had no idea what to pack for MLO's adventure in the wilds of Montana. I brought every bit of clothing that fit and would seem to fit three months from our move out there and of course all of his toiletries and medical supplies. When it came to toys and books, I was lost. The problem was that he just has too many. Hubby and I have purchased maybe two toys for the kid, but aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends have utterly showered MLO. We had limited space, so I had to chose the toys and books wisely.


First, I concentrated on the books. MLO had just started to develop his obsession with heavy machinery, so I scoured used book stores, Ross and Marshall's for inexpensive books that would feed his love of trucks and the outdoors. He spent the months subsequent to his birthday pouring over his new birthday books, so he had somewhat lost interest in the books we had. I kept the newly purchased, "Montana" books hidden to maintain the novelty and ended up bringing about five each of new and old books. While he's been here he's received four more new books.

With regard to the toys, I made efforts to bring things that had versatility and appealed to his more recent phases. For instance, he just started to take a fancy to pulling things behind him as he walked, so I packed my old toy rotary phone with the eyes that move. I grabbed all the legos we had inherited from my folks, which included some with wheels which are his faves. I brought his 'Learn to-Dress Jake' and his much beloved stuffed horsey. For the car I packed a few small toys that zipped, clinked and contained other toys, my favorite being his Wolfy. He loves zipping the pocket and playing with all the characters. It's a life saver for the car. Overall we had about an 18 gallon bin full of toys.

Now that we've had a couple of months here, I more clearly see what his favorites are. He plays with all of his toys, but his newly acquired Tonka dump truck is his favorite outdoor toy. In the house he loves to play with his soft-ball and with a wind up dump truck we scored for $3 at WalMart. The Wheely Cow has saved us... see the review on the Stuff N' Clutter page. The books were also critical. He spends minutes straight (hey, for a toddler that's a long time!) going through the pages of all of his books.

Of course, nothing beats a stick, some pine-cones, rocks and the great-outdoors, but when it's time to go inside it's nice to have a few things other than the furniture to play with.

Wildlife Adventures in Montana

Described herein are two of the most dramatic wildlife experiences we have had as a family, so far.

I mentioned in my come-back post, "Oh, What?" that there had been an incident with a bat in the washing machine. To give some background, we moved to a relatively remote part of Montana in August. About two weeks after we arrived, I was doing some laundry. We had experienced our first real trial of back woods living when our septic system backed up and proceeded to leak black water from the bottom of our toilet. My husband soaked up the water with some towels and once we had the problem fixed I ran a load of wash that included said nasty towels and a rug that had previously sat directly around the toilet. The rug had been thrown over a bucket in the laundry room once we figured out what it had been soaking up, to be washed with the rest of the poo-water-soaked towels when the time came. As one might expect, I washed those suckers on hot for the longest time the washer allowed. Even though the days and nights were plenty hot to hang the washing out to dry, I wanted the added security of a hot dry cycle to kill any possible remaining poo-bugs. As I loaded the drier, I noticed a rather large and soggy piece of lint at the bottom of the washer. I thought to myself, "That's odd, I didn't wash anything that was that dark." As I picked up the lint I noticed that it was particularly felty feeling, not at all like the old rough towels and synthetic rug I had washed. Suddenly the shape and the texture came together in my mind: bat- wet, soggy, bat. I threw the drowned, ragged, lifeless body of the creature on the ground and shuddered heartily. I walked out into the kitchen and said to my husband, "I need you to go in there and tell me whether that's a bat on the ground."

Shocked and utterly confused, he walked in and confirmed what I already knew: I had inadvertently killed a poor bat in really a horrific way, then desecrated its body by throwing it with gusto to the ground. As close as we can figure it, the little fella climbed in the open washer sometime in the night and had gone to sleep. In the morning chill he was not able to register that I was throwing things into the washer and so didn't fly out. The other possibility was that it had gotten into the rug-covered bucket and was hanging from the rug when I picked it up and threw it into the washer. Either way, the poor little guy met a terrible end, for which I will feel
eternally sorry. As my sister said, "Peace be to that poor bat...." In homage, I briefly considered the following Halloween costume for MLO. Props to Pottery Barn for the adorable costume, but man, that kid sells it!


It's Fall, and here in our lovely valley the Birch and Cottonwood leaves are changing, the weather has cooled way down, and the fish have all left our pond for deeper waters. All the wildlife of our region are doing their best to put on some pounds before they bed down for winter. The berry crop was abysmal this year, and the glut of rain in the spring left the grass more tough than nutritious, so the entire food chain is feeling the effects of limited food. With that comes the inevitable attempt by our bigger and bolder predators to take advantage of the easy food supply that accompanies human settlement. Just a few weeks ago we had a 600 lb, 20 year old grizzly bear break into our closest neighbor's garage. Suffice it to say, Hubby and I are a bit on edge. Taking on a hungry animal 5 times your size, and likely willing to settle for eating you, is no small charge.

Tracks from the huge-mongous bear that broke into our neighbor's garage

With the scene set let me explain our latest big adventure with Montana wildlife. Hubby and I were enjoying the last warm fall day forecasted for as far as anyone could tell. I sat, unarmed, in our expansive yard while Hubby unsuccessfully fished our empty pond, which we share with our nearest neighbor. Yes folks, this is the same neighbor whose garage had been ripped into by a gi-normous grizzly bear. As he was fishing he noticed some movement near the neighbor's house and looked up to find a very brown bear standing on its hind legs, both front paws on the window. The hubster began to yell and the bear looked over, then proceeded to ignore him completely. Hubby yelled for me to take the dogs in and get his firearms ready.

My brave, madman of a husband went over to the neighbor and did his darndist to scare off this bear. No charging car, honking horn, or gun-shots seemed to drive the animal away. Only when Hubby fired buck-shot at the ground near its feet did the animal flee. Hubby came back and immediately called the grizzly guy, with whom we had come to be on a first name basis. As he hung up the phone, the hubster looked out the window and exclaimed, "Holy sh*t, the effing bear is in our yard!!" He had crossed the pond and now stood somewhat bemused in our front yard area. Now within 20 feet or so we could see that it was a little black bear, that couldn't have weighed more than 120 lbs. Hubby tried to scare him off with bear spray (the can of which we had not used before and found out in this instance that it was frighteningly sub-par), pots and pans and yelling. To no avail! The beast merely ran up a nearby pine tree bordering the pond. Finally we waited for the bear to move in a direction that would allow us to chase him off, and move he did. He ambled casually to within 10 feet of our window, near which MLO was enjoying a mid-afternoon snack. As I picked up my son he pointed out the window and said happily, "Doggie! Nice, nice doggie. Give pets." That was not the reaction I was looking for, regardless of how adorable this little bear was.  

Hubby was finally able to get close enough (yes, close enough) to spray the bear in the face, which should impart on the bear a healthy fear for people. We found out that this little fella had been orphaned as a cub, raised in captivity, and recently released in our area. The bear was only about a year and a half, and his upbringing explained the alarming disregard he had for people-threats. We learned that a bear does sh*t in the woods (I have footage of it), that black bears can look very, very brown, and that MLO is an unreliable detector of potentially threatening animals in the wild, not to be relied upon when hiking. 

Our little black bear friend in our front yard

The baby who wouldn't kiss

Ever since MLO began to express his personality he has had a way of attracting an entire room's attention and sending the mood of the place into joyful wonder. He's always been beautiful, funny, easy to love and shamelessly flirtatious. However, while other babies his age would hug and kiss and express love in myriad other ways, MLO generally kept his affection to himself. For instance, after he learned to walk he would now and again run over to me, wrap his arms around my legs and say "Hiiiiii Mama." Then, as quickly as he appeared, he would scamper off to wreak havoc on some toy or clean corner of the house. That was it. No kisses, few hugs. As adoring and utterly devoted parents, Hubby and I would shower hugs and kisses and "I love you"s on the child with abandon, so we didn't really understand why MLO didn't seem to reciprocate. To clarify, neither of us doubted that he loved us and that he knew he was loved, we just didn't understand why he didn't express it in ways other kids his age did.   

My favorite example of this is as follows: One morning, when MLO was around 15 months old and had just awakened from his nap, I walked into his room. The picture of happiness, he smiled broadly from above the rails of his crib and exclaimed, "Hiiiii Mama!"  I went over and gave him a big kiss and a squeeze, and as our routine dictated, proceeded to play a game of hide and seek while he remained in bed. We both laughed and smiled and when I went to lift him from the crib I asked for a kiss. "Kiss for mommy?", I said, and leaned my cheek in toward his face. He took his little hands, one on each side of my face, and turned my face around to look him in the eyes. He then turned his cheek to face me, and pulled my face toward his cheek, so that I may kiss him. Yes, my son in effect said, "You may have the profound privilege of kissing me. That's as much affection as your gonna get, lady."

It was some months later that MLO finally started to give hugs and kisses. At first his kisses were fully opened mouth affairs, with plenty of drool. He finally got that he should purse his lips a bit. He still only very rarely volunteers a kiss, though he generously doles out hugs. His favorite times to hug are when he is sitting in his highchair or laying on the changing table. I'm fairly certain he uses the imploring request "Hug!" on the changing table as a distraction mechanism, since he seems to hate having his diaper changed. He has also picked up the habit of saying lovingly, "Ooooh, Mama!" and "Ooooh Dada!" when he finds us particularly funny or sweet. He has even started saying "Silly Dada!" (or Mama) and pronounces "Silly" without the 'l' sound. So yeah, my baby that wouldn't kiss is now the toddler that loves to hug. I'll take it!

The joy of cooking... for baby

Ah the food issue. Mommies have all had it: my kid won't eat this, my kid will only eat that, my kid ate this religiously and now won't touch it.... I can safely say that, in short, food is a struggle for all of us at one point or another.

When MLO started on solid food there was little he didn't like. Those few things were easily avoidable and nutritional equivalents were readily available and appreciated by him. Somewhere around 12 months he started to get weird on me. He would turn his nose up at our tried and true routine of scrambled eggs with cheese, broccoli, and  a touch of garlic powder for breakfast. WTF pal? All of a sudden I had to get creative. How do I pack the same amount of nutritional bang into an MLO sized meal? I started to branch out: french toast made with maple syrup instead of sugar, no syrup on the toast with a banana or oatmeal with honey and whole milk and a serving of veggies and hummus at lunch or dinner. I cut scrambled eggs out all together and started to offer more meats and cheeses. I discovered he loved goat cheese and that aside from 'outside' the only other discernible word he uttered was 'hummus'.

As I was struggling with the need to explore food choices for MLO I kept asking myself, "What changed?" One day it dawned on me, the kid was bored. Can you imagine eating the same things at the same time of day for 3 or more months straight? In hind-site, I would have been concerned if he hadn't started to turn his nose up at our "tried and true" routine. As time went on, I started to mix things up as a matter of course. I tried hard to move those staples around so they didn't happen in the same way at the same time. I began to bake bread and muffins that I knew could pack a punch for the whole grains they contained. As our trip to Montana grew closer I began to fret over how I would meet his needs over 8 days and 7 nights of road trip and camping. The cooler and the fridge in our tiny trailer weren't long term storage situations that I trusted, and I knew that at least one meal of the day would happen in the car. Fortunately, I stumbled on Go Go Applesauce, an individually wrapped packet of organic applesauce. I packed string cheese and a plethora of crackers, my favorite for MLO being the Trader Joe's Multigrain crackers for their relatively low sodium, delicious flavor, practically choke-safe texture and Peanut-free-ness. What I didn't plan for was the emotional and temporal need for fast food; on that trip MLO was introduced to his first McDonald's hamburger and fries, and Jack in the Box breakfast bowl, and I don't feel a bit guilty about it. MLO ate Daddy's grilled burgers for dinner and enjoyed many a breakfast of cheerios and banana as we rolled out of the campsite. 

Since arriving in our destination MLO has discovered fresh trout (shish- for fish), raw spinach slathered in ranch dressing, raw green beans and plain raisins. He loves wheat toast with butter at breakfast and snacks of yogurt with cinnamon, cheerios and applesauce. Oatmeal with whole milk, a touch of honey and raisins or fresh fruit is a welcome way to beat the morning chill. Much to my shame, he has a derth of experience when it comes to feeding himself with utensils. He has such a propensity for making a mess that I shy away from giving him the spoon when he has yogurt and I never thought to hand over the fork except with food already on it. I have resolved to overcome my fear of mess and give him cheerios in a bowl with a spoon (I'm starting slow... don't judge me!) and green beans on his high chair tray with a fork at his disposal. The dogs are going to love it.

Oh, What?

We're back! Well, actually, we are very very far away. But with all the new adventures afoot I knew I needed to update the site, so here we go:

MLO turned 18 months old on September 2nd. In the last few weeks he has begun to say 'no' and nod his head 'yes' in response to questions. He has started to string words together such as, "River... cold water... fish!" You may wonder where he got those particular words, seeing as we live on the central coast of California. It just so happens that Hubby has the type of job that lets him shove off and work from a home office for, say, three months every seven years. That being the case, we moved to Montana at the end of July. That's right, Montana. Big sky country, lakes, rivers, streams, mountains, grizzly bears, cougars, wolves, black bears, beavers in our pond, bats in the washing machine and moose in the road. Us being us, we did it in style. We are living fifteen minutes out a dirt road off of the only paved road in this particular valley. We are about an hour and a half from a hospital, and half an hour from the nearest physician. Most days we are literally miles from any other human and the eighty year old rough hewn log cabin we are living in has been broken into by bears twice in its lifetime. Roughin it? You bet your ass!

So MLO has a whole new vocabulary to match his new world: "Boom! Thunder" (that applies to thunder and gunfire....), "Doe! Buck!", "Dada rod" (don't be gross, daddy fly fishes!), "Lake, river, creek" and "Pond" all have "Cold water" and "Fish" and we explore them on the "Boat" together. "Rock, stick, pine cone" and "Log" are his new favorite toys which he throws with relish into his new Tonka dump truck or in the case of the log, balances on and practices his jumping. The Tonka is a mild manifestation of MLO's newest and most potent love. MLO can now identify excavators, skid steers, loaders, dump trucks, bull dozers and backhoes... he's obsessed. To fuel this love of big machinery we watch the "Twenty Trucks" videos on You Tube. CHECK IT OUT.

We all love them, but for such different reasons. I have never heard a man sing so passionately about excavators. It brings tears (from fits of laughter) to my eyes. MLO sits transfixed on my lap, absorbing every word. I think those videos have taught him more about trucks than the myriad truck board books he reads every day.  

Speaking of videos, MLO has also started to watch the "Baby's First Word Stories" video series by So Smart. I relented on the whole TV thing when I realized that he had the patience to sit and watch a few minutes at a time. When you think about it, TV is an incredibly potent teaching tool. It combines images with corresponding sounds and allows for repetition so that the kiddo can start to integrate words with objects in context. He has really picked up on the vocabulary introduced in the videos. I do limit his TV time to 30 minutes a day, as I don't want TV to overshadow play. He has gone from watching 5 minutes at a time to demanding more when I turn it off after 30. The videos have engaging but gentle music, cute relate-able characters and simple story lines. Each episode finishes with a review of the words learned. We have the "Pets", "Get Dressed", "House" and "We Go" DVDs and there are several stories on each. MLO loves them all, and now asks for Edward, Dee Dee, Larry and Iggy when he gets up in the morning.

MLO is now awake and demanding that we go outside, so I will leave you with those wild images and movie recommendations with more descriptions of outdoor toddler living to follow.

Cheers from MT!

A view from our yard

 

My Second Mother's Day

This Mother's Day weekend was a real treat for me. I had the immense pleasure of sharing it with my grandma, mom and dad and Sunday itself with my mother- and father-in-law as well. On Mother's Day we hosted a brunch at our house with MLO entertaining his most adoring fans. We ate fresh cinnamon rolls with coffee and tea then feasted on salad of locally grown fruits and Hubby's patented camping trip scramble; a cornucopia of meat, cheese, eggs and veggies. Frank Sinatra played in the background but MLO stole the show.

MLO has learned a few new tricks that really tickle the funny bone. He claps, not in response to anything, but to initiate a glowing round of applause from his devotees. Other children did that months ago, but MLO has been holding out on us. He also shakes his finger and says "No, no, no." He learned this adorable, albeit potentially problematic, trick from watching my folks scold their lovable but forever naughty dog. The looks on his face while executing both of these new moves send me into stitches. He looks so amused and gleeful when clapping and the mild scowl he adopts while shaking that little finger cracks us all up.  I can't get past how truly wonderful it is to watch this baby become a little boy.

Knowing how much I adore my son, and how fleeting his babyhood is, I can only imagine how much it means to his grand- and great-grandparents to spend this time with him and see him happy with his parents, their babies. I feel so fortunate to have the kind of relationship with my parents and in-laws that allows us all to get together and enjoy each other and this very special time in MLO's life.

Fun Mother's and Father's Day Gift Ideas

Being a mildly creative person I wanted to do something fun for my mom, grandma and mother-in-law for mother's day last year. I wanted it to be personalized and unique to MLO. Several companies in our area do hand and foot prints of your baby in clay that they glaze and fire and they look beautiful but cost a bit more than I was interested in paying. Additionally, I wanted to make something so that both MLO and I had our stamps on it, so to speak. Another mom suggested going to our local 'paint-your-own-pottery' shop to stamp MLO's foot prints on something (hand prints are next to impossible, even for a 1 year old- they just clench). All of the adults in our extended families drink coffee, so I went down, picked out mugs and painted away.

There are a few keys to success:

1. Bring someone else to handle baby. I brought my mother-in-law which allowed her to pick out the colors she wanted on her mug.
2. Don't try to reprint baby's footprint if the first one didn't quite make it. If you have to, paint in the toes.
3. The imprint is a three person job- Grandma held MLO, while an employee held baby's foot still and I rolled the mug across MLOs foot.
4. The older the baby, the harder it is. I took MLO just after his birthday to finally make a mug for myself and he was far more difficult to entertain at 12 months than he was at 2 and 3. He also was more engaged during the imprint, which proved more challenging as he tried to pull away.
5. Use a lighter color as the base color and use a very dark color for the footprint. You don't get the advantage of multiple layers of paint for the imprint so it's important that the print be much darker in color than the base color.

I ended up with some really cute mugs that were totally DIY. They were not professional quality, but hey, they're going to your parents. I love the idea of making something for your folks that includes an aspect of your child so that they benefit from a double dose of personalized gift giving!

A less DIY but totally personalized gift option is the photo mug or calendar. I use Snapfish to create mine. Photo mugs are actually a bit cheaper than the paint your own options, and they are totally cheesy, but grandparents love them. Calendars are great around Christmas time since the new year is about to start. I used pictures from each month of MLO's first year and it was so cute. Already we have compared MLO this year to MLO last year  using the calendars and it's fun to see.

A slightly more personalized option is the brag book. You can find classy looking ones at CR Gibson or Etsy or you can make one yourself. Giving the book already filled with pictures personalizes it and makes it more meaningful. This gift is more of a grandma gift, since they usually have purses with ample enough room to carry such an object. For a similar idea you can get a relatively inexpensive digital photo frame with a memory card already filled with pictures of your little one and/or your family through the years. This works great for dads as it's something they can have at work.

Those are my ideas, what are yours?

Have shoes, will travel.

Milestone alert: MLO is walking. Not just a few steps here and there, but exclusive use of the soles of his feet to move from point A to point B. This happened on March 29th. All of a sudden he decided that he preferred walking over crawling. I realized he had made this decision with one tiny action. I went to open the front door and from across the room he began to crawl toward me, then got up and essentially ran over to me. It wasn't coordinated or fluid, and he fell, but he got back up and walked over. That was it. He didn't really go back to crawling after that. So the next day MLO and I went to downtown San Luis Obispo, and holding my hand, we walked around. Not down the street, but the equivalent of about 2 blocks over a few hours. We moved at his pace, and ended up in a couple of places I hadn't intended to go. We saw goldfish in the pond at Growing Grounds and hippies in the square at the Mission. He made friends with young and old alike. He showed me things I hadn't bothered to notice before, like the bright new fire hose hook-ups on the sides of buildings and tiny hidden walkways behind locked iron gates. It was lovely: making friends with strangers, not feeling rushed, watching my son learn the ropes of sitting on a park bench or walking down a slope. I kept hearing "It goes by so fast. Savor it", and that day I did. I moved with my son, savoring his experience of life and being thankful for a slow day in SLO.

A Litany of Adorable Things

I often feel that my accounting of MLO's cuteness becomes weary to those upon which I inflict the descriptions. For those that care to know, here is a list of his most precious actions occurring in the weeks since he turned 1:

•  He has really begun to interact with the bath. After transitioning him to the "big kid's bathtub" he has taken to splashing emphatically while giggling hysterical, spontaneously dunking his face and waving goodbye to the bathwater as it slips down the drain. Freaking cute.
• MLO waves to everyone. I catch him waving at the dogs, complete strangers, the garbage truck and even to the sound of someone starting up their car and driving away.
• MLO produces animal sounds on command. Dog, cat, lion, elephant, monkey, gorilla, and owl.
• He walks.
• He shows affection. When our dog, Snoopy, allows MLO to get close enough to pet, the kid gently pats the dog's back. He also gently shoves his head into the dog while making a noise akin to a dog whine.When I ask for kisses I make the kissing sound MLO first learned as the "come" command for Snoopy, and my son lowers his head and gently butts it into my face making the whining sound. It's pretty damn sweet.
• He babbles and points incessantly. When I go get him after a nap he will slip out of my reach, sit squarely on his mattress and point at the pictures printed on his sheets. I go through each picture with him, saying the word and sometimes the color until he seems satisfied that he has it down. Then he allows me to pick him up.  

That's all that comes to mind at present. I hope it was as enjoyable to read as it was to recount.

Tasty Finger Food for your Little Dude (or Dudette)

MLO has become increasingly picky. In bygone days he would eat nearly anything you put in his mouth with only a brief analyzation trial period (as in seconds) for new foods. Since beginning table foods (the non-pureed version of what we've been feeding him) his tastes have become much more discerning. Whole peas? Blegh. Chopped broccoli? Blegh. Chopped carrot? Blegh. Dude! You ate these no problem when they were pureed. WTF?

I've noticed that the pickiness seems to reach it's height at dinner time. At lunch he will gladly munch more than a few cubes of steamed diced carrot but when dinner rolls around, forget about it. It seems that the progression to tolerating the new textures and demands of table foods requires a well rested, and thus patient, baby. It also seems that this process is a long one (at least in our case).

So against my better judgement, but due to my insatiable curiosity and penchant for culinary optimism, I'm going to introduce a new table food tonight. The baked then pureed or even just scooped version of sweet potatoes is a go-to, sure fire, baby pleasing staple in this house. Lets see what he thinks of SWEET POTATO FRIES.

The Recipe

• Approximately (~) 1 pound of medium sweet potatoes halved, then sliced into ~1/4 inch strips. Turn the strips on their sides and slice again to the same dimension.
•  2 tbs of extra virgin olive oil
•  A generous sprinkling of Italian Seasoning
•  A similarly generous sprinkling of garlic powder
•  One more generous sprinkling of fresh ground pepper

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Place sweet potatoes in a bowl and drizzle with olive oil. Add seasonings and mix the sweet potatoes until coated. It's best to use your hands here to ensure the fries are covered with oil. Place the fries in one layer on a lined or lightly greased baking sheet. Bake for 15 minutes, then remove the sheet and flip the fries over (a spatula works great). Bake them for 15 minutes or so; you want them to brown. It's ok if some of the ends get black, but they just aren't very nummy when the whole batch is that way: trust me.


I like this idea because the fries are salt free, oiled with nutritious and tasty olive oil, and baked instead of fried. They are a good size for little hands, and at the very least, a novelty. They are tasty as-is for grown-ups, too, which make them a wonderful side dish for the whole family to share.

I'll let you guys know how it turns out tonight. If he doesn't like them, I'm sure I'll find someone who'll eat them....

The Darkside: When you can't defeat it, eat it!

Yeah, that's right. I made Star Wars themed teething biscuits. Recipe courtesy of Courtney Russell, Wonder Time, Feb 2009 and cookie cutters courtesy of Williams Sonoma. If you don't like my nerdiness, you can suck it. No, seriously, they are made for people without teeth. Enjoy.

Party

Today marks 1 month until MLO turns 1. As this milestone approaches I've been toying with the idea of throwing a birthday party. I recall that several months ago I listened to two mothers discussing plans for their little ones' first birthday parties. At the time it seemed strange: sending out invitations, baking a cake, finding a place to have the party. I felt like some big party in honor of a 1 year old was somehow over indulgent and was really more a chance for the parents to show off than for their child. I mean, the kid is turning 1. He isn't even talking yet. He isn't going to get it. The fancy invitations and elaborate themed decorations only serve to show how much money you can blow.

As our own baby has grown, my view of the 1st birthday party has softened. As a friend of mine pointed out, this milestone is about the parents, too. Having a party in honor of our first year as parents is legitimate. We've worked really hard, harder than we've ever worked before. I sacrificed my body's autonomy, we've sacrificed sleep, sanity, togetherness as a couple, patience, evenings out, weekends away. We've depended on (and sometimes barely tolerated) the support and advice of our friends and families. Our lives have changed in innumerable ways, and we've come out stronger because of it. Hubby and I had never before known such joy. So I think a party is in order. Maybe not with fancy invitations and decorations. I can't afford that. No, I think a potluck lunch in the backyard with all those people that have helped us out is the way to go. I want to bring the people together that love our little family. I want to celebrate our first year as parents, our son's first year of life, and all the people that have supported us through this monumental change.

Socially Awkward, Socially Aware

I don't get people. I'm really not very good at seeing what motivates them and to what they relate. I've always had this disconnect, where it takes some embarrassing event for me to see that I've hurt someone's feelings or missed some important social cue. Therefore, I'm shy and often awkward. I say inappropriate or down right stupid things. At times I talk about myself or my views an inordinate amount in an attempt to excuse or explain myself.  I turn people off, sometimes right away and other times after a while. I'm also a disorganized, flakey, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person. Some people love me because I'm a wacko, others love me despite it, and most people that figure it out steer clear, or I steer clear of people, I'm not sure which.

The trouble is, I'm socially aware enough to know that I'm not a good friend, good acquaintance and an overall socially adept person. I've tried to remedy these things, particularly my propensity for flakeyness and disorganization (which oddly enough are qualities specific to my social life, not my work life), as I want to be a better friend. However, I always find myself back where I was, and now that I'm a parent I don't much have the motivation to pump energy into self improvement.

Aye, there's the rub. I'm a parent; an example. How do I raise a socially adept, timely thank-you card writing, empathetic person when I am not that way?

The Break

I just returned from my first baby free weekend. The inspiration came from Hubby. MLO is now well over the 10.5 month mark and I've been feeling really isolated, overwhelmed and generally sad, so Hubby suggested that I get away for the weekend. My sister lives in San Francisco, so I packed up on Friday and headed up.

I spent the preceding days doing laundry and prepping food so that MLO would be clothed and more easily fed. I didn't have any breast milk stored up, so Hubby fed MLO a bottle of formula in the mornings and late afternoon in addition to the baby's usual meals of solid food. I wanted the experience to be as easy for Hubby as I could make it.

As I got into my car on Friday I had a substantial knot in my stomach. What if I hadn't made enough food? What if MLO threw a fit about the formula? What have I forgotten? What am I going to do without him? Though I wanted to have a weekend to myself, complete with the luxuries of sleeping past 6am and allowing myself to get a good buzz on before 6pm, I really hated the thought of being away from my baby. I've been kind of a wreck lately, though, and knew that making some space for myself and what I wanted to do, giving very little thought to catering to someone else, would help me refresh and regenerate.

So off I went. I arrived in the city mid-afternoon and proceeded to have a thoroughly enjoyable weekend. We ate good food, went climbing, had a fabulous yin yoga class, ate more good food, shopped and ate still more good food. Hubby and I talked a couple of times a day on speaker phone so that MLO and I could hear each other. He sent me multiple pictures a day, so I didn't feel completely out of touch. I ached for my baby, but not nearly so badly as I thought I would. My sister and her husband made me feel like I was on a luxury vacation so that helped me relax and just enjoy the moment.

 MLO was a good boy for his daddy, and they had fun watching tractors and hanging with grandma, grandpa, aunty and uncle over the weekend. While I was away, MLO started to take some independent steps. This morning I got to witness his fledgling attempts at walking. The weekend went so well, in fact, that Hubby suggested I do this more often. I think I'll take him up on it. A nice monthly (or every other month)trip out of town to visit friends would be a grounding experience, while allowing me to reconnect with the friends I miss so much. It's hard for me to stay connected to people when I live far away (I loath the phone and online social networking) and I find it even more challenging now that I'm a mom. I remembered this weekend that I'm more than wife and mom and I would like to give that other part of me some attention, too.

New Year, New Faces, New Insanity

Exciting news! I've invited a friend of mine to contribute some of her experiences to the site. I will let J's Mama introduce herself, but suffice it to say she's a wonderful mom and a great friend. I would probably have gone crazy if it weren't for her friendship and understanding! Stay tuned for her first post!! (No pressure JM ;)

Speaking of new faces, MLO has moved into and possibly out of the stage of making this hilarious Klingon face. It is in response to everything from happiness to frustration. If not for the myriad weirdos on the internet, I would share it with you. Much like the fearsome Klingons, MLO has begun to yell and scream. He mostly shares this over-vocalization when things simply aren't going his way. Remove him from the dog bowl? Ear-splitting shriek. Take the time to cut up his banana? Repeated angry yelling. Change his diaper? Both. It's really lovely to be yelled at for meeting his needs... all day long... every day.

He finally mastered coming down the stairs, though I would never allow him to do this unsupervised. He moves down feet first, backward. We decided early on that we didn't want to tempt him with gates. Gates present a challenge, and MLO loves nothing more than to do exactly what he knows we don't want him to do. Since I recently noticed him getting a foot up on the middle of a panel of Alcatraz, I decided that our decision was a good one. The last thing we need is a baby taking a header from over a gate at the top of 13 steps. I sometimes wish we had a gate at the bottom so that he were relatively penned in downstairs, but oh well. It keeps me on my toes. He actually took a spill from a few steps up the other day. I was standing a couple of feet from the bottom of the stairs, going over his list of tried solid foods when I glanced up and caught him tumbling down head first into our wood floor. We both freaked out. He was fine, scared but uninjured. I felt like a terrible mother. Of course I know better than to let my 10 month old play around the stairs; he's a fast little bugger and it doesn't take long for him to get much higher up the stairs than one might expect.

He has also begun to wave. This motion is somewhat rudimentary as it mostly consists of a fist in the air with perhaps the addition of a single finger or splayed hand in the direction of whomever's attention he is trying to get. His friend (2-weeks younger than he is) already has waving, clapping and head shaking down, and she has for months.

I've also made what, for me, is a big move. I have officially stopped the regular pumping I've been doing 2-3 times a day for the last 2 months. I hated it. It was restrictive, isolating, and increased the difficulty of caring for MLO when it was just me and him, because I had to pump when I had to pump regardless of whether he was asleep or not. This made tending to his needs and keeping him out of trouble especially challenging. The problem with this decision is that I don't have milk with which to make his cereal, which means that he isn't getting the high calorie, and ultimately nutritionally complete meal he was getting in the past. With his low weight and height I worry that I'm selfishly keeping him from breaking that 5% mark on the growth curve, though he isn't a hungry baby and he is already eating yogurts and cheeses.

Ah, the trials and triumphs of motherhood.

Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegon...

Parenting is not all sunshine and bliss...

and that's ok. I came accross a link to this on Offbeat Mama. These people have it right and say it in a way that is concise and sensical. This video will make you smile. Watch it.

Post Christmas Post

Our little family survived Christmas. We accomplished this in a couple of different ways. First, we are humans and therefore remarkably adaptable and resilient creatures that can handle a vast over abundance of rich foods, too much excitement and too little sleep. Second, we set some ground rules with the gift givers in our lives and third, we made a Christmas list for MLO. These things helped us to get through a holiday saturated with travel, people and merriment.

Holiday Sleep
As parents that want to share the excitement and joy of our baby's first Christmas with the people that love him nearly as much as we do, we agreed to split Christmas between both of our families. Since my folks are half-way between my sister and I and since everyone could stay in their house and only a few people could stay in ours, we travelled the 150 miles or so up to my folks. We arrived

Allergy Update

The results of MLO's allergy test came back today and sure enough, our little peanut is severely allergic to peanuts. Boo. We were told to pretty much just stay away from bakeries, Asian food restaurants and ice cream parlors in addition to carefully avoid any potential cross-contamination of food. I'm bummed that he won't be able to experience the joys of peanut butter and peanut brittle, and I'm apprehensive about having to watch so closely everything he eats for what it's made with and from where it comes. I hope we never have to use that Epipen....

Social Experiment

Over the last few months I have been battling with a sense of ennui. I like the word ennui because it sounds rich and implies the sort of boredom that can only come from luxury. I mention this because I want to recognize that I have the luxury to stay home with my son. I don't want to imply that being at home every day with a child is necessarily akin to a day at the spa. In fact, in some personality types staying at home with your baby can lead to isolation, depression, a sense of total dependence on one's spouse and a feeling of worthlessness. These feelings come and go, but when I'm hit with them I have a hard time pulling myself out of the funk.

I made a commitment to myself to get out of the house at least every other day. I find this unexpectedly difficult. You might think I would be dying to get out of the house, but often I feel intimidated. I have so much to do and to take into account before I leave: does the baby have enough diapers, wipes, an extra change of clothes, enough food should we be gone over a meal? Has he slept, if not, will he nap while we're out and if not, am I willing to deal with the consequences for the rest of the day? What will I do with my crazy-ass dog who seems to destroy his surroundings or to mutilate himself if left alone? How will I afford my adventure? With all of these things to consider it's easy to push the outing back until after one more nap or meal. But I've learned to just go for it; keep that diaper bag stocked, screw the nap, skip the shower, take the dog over to the in-laws, do whatever it takes to get out.  

I find myself visiting the grocery store frequently. I don't shop in large quantities as regularly as I did before, so I make frequent smaller trips. MLO loves to sit in the grocery cart and look up at the lights and observe the rows of food. He always makes a friend or two. Now that my hiking class has finished for the quarter I need to go trekking on my own. This intimidates me because I don't want to make myself an easy target for mugging or other unpleasantness, but really, who is more vulnerable than a short, thin, lightly muscled mother carrying her infant down a trail? My senile 15 lb dog and my girly looking Pomeranian don't exactly imply ferocious, fight-to-the-death sort of companionship, so don't even go there. Besides, poor old Ricky shouldn't be made to walk more than two blocks. I compromise by walking around the neighborhood, or talking my mother-in-law into letting me come over and hang out for a bit (did you catch the note of sarcasm? My mother-in-law is always willing to hang out; I come with one of her favorite people. Also, I'm fairly certain she likes me :).

The major change came when I rediscovered yoga without the baby. A mommy friend of mine invited me to a yoga class with her and I really enjoyed it. The class had a nice flow to it, I fell easily into the rhythm, and by the end I felt peaceful and satisfied. The next day I was sore as hell, which added to my sense of accomplishment. Yes, yoga makes for a happy mommy, and a happy mommy makes for a happy house. Now, if I can just get a few classes in a week, all will be well.

I have also had the great fortune of taking an independent contractor position with an editing company. The group services authors (for which English is their second language) writing scientific papers. With my background in research and academia and my "abundant free time" I can squeeze out a few papers a week, no problem. This has added to my sense of accomplishment and to my feeling of partnership, since I'm not simply a drain on the bank account. I like that I can take or leave the work and finish it largely on my own time. The subject matter is varied and interesting and I hone my analytical skills by critiquing the science to myself. This has proven a great benefit to my psyche.

There are challenges to staying at home, as I'm sure there are challenges to working outside the home. In fact, I'm fairly certain that working outside the home is more challenging emotionally and physically, so I salute all of you who do that. For those of us that stay home, don't let yourself stay in that funk. Get out, get sane, your whole family will benefit from it!

Emergency Continued

MLO, my mom, dad and I hung out in that ER room for 5 hours. MLO slept about 30 minutes over two naps. Within the first hour after administration of the drugs the redness and swelling largely subsided. By the time we left he only looked vaguely splotchy and his one eye was puffy, but nothing like it was when we arrived that morning. We were prescribed an EpiPen to have with us at all times, and have been given an order for a blood test that will theoretically indicate to what he is allergic. It seems that he may have ingested trace amounts of peanutbutter that morning, so peanut is the most likely culprit, though we'll have a better idea after his allergy test. Neither Hubby nor I have food allergies, nor did we when we were children, so this came as a surprise. I don't look forward to the constant vigilance required of a parent whose child may have a life threatening reaction to a food, especially a food as prevalent as peanuts. Of course it's possible that he isn't allergic to peanuts, or that he will grow out of this allergy. The allergy testing is not terribly accurate, but it's better than nothing, so it should give us some information we can use. The bottom line is we have to just wait and see. As with all things baby, this characteristic is as likely to unpredictably change as it is to stay the same. I just wish the consequences weren't so scary!