First of all, I have to say "thank you" to Dakota for inviting me to post on her blog. It's been great fun getting insight from her on daily baby life, whether through talk or reading her blog. It truly helps to confer when you become a parent, especially to help keep your sanity - with not just your husband, but family and friends, too.
My baby, J, is 6 months old now, and since his birth I have just been in utter baby love. I never knew such a love. He was a surprise in every way - unplanned pregnancy and we didn't know that we were having a boy either. I like surprises as my hubs would say. My pregnancy was bliss, but my labor not so much. It was long, but I got through most of it without pain medication, which is what I wanted. After about 17 hours of hard labor with no change and just an hour and a half of sleep in 34 hours, we decided that I would get an epidural. Once I received the light epidural, my hubs and I got 2 hours of what felt like really deep sleep! Even better, once I woke up I was ready to go!! Then came our reason for living. We brought J home a day later and I just wanted to kiss him all over. Seriously, I wanted to kiss him non-stop. Perhaps, the overwhelming amount of hormones rising and falling in my body pursued me to want to make out with my son? This never-ending experience has made me feel so fortunate and I will continue to each and every day for our sweet boy.
J has been a pretty happy and mellow baby for us - easy to nurse and smiling early on - but when it comes to sleep he let us know early on what he wanted and that was to be walked and held to sleep. At about 3 months he soothed himself to sleep a few times in his crib, and had also been sleeping up to 9 hours at night, which was fabulous of course. Then that bubble burst and he was waking up 2-4 times a night screaming out of hunger. It wasn't until his 4 month well visit that we found out he grew 3 inches in length in 7 weeks. That was a vaild enough reason for me!
As parents, my hubs and I knew that we wanted to keep doing the things that we loved pre-baby, so we did and are continuing to do so. When J was 3 months old we started to do some small travels, like overnights not too many hours a way. We even took him to his first concert when he was just under 4 months, which was fortunately an accoustic show, and he wore sound-out headphones. He was amazing throughout and just slept as I carried and swayed him in the Ergo - all amidst windy and rainy whether. He was such a sport for his mom and dad. And right after that we did our first camping trip as a family - pretty much where it all began as it was the place where hubs and I got engaged. It was extra special because the campground had just reopened after a big fire 2 years prior.
The second bubble burst a little while after his first big growth spurt. He was indulging in longer night sleeps, until the week of Thanksgiving. I drove J, my dog, and I (poor hubs had to work) to Southern CA to my parents for the night before driving to Arizona to see J's great grandmother for the week. Driving what normally is 3 1/2 hours ended up being 7 hours for nursing stops and J was just plain lonely in the back seat when our dog wasn't standing up to look at him. That night was the first of many more disrupted sleeps, and driving to Arizona the next day was an even longer haul. So, for the past 2 months J has been waking up several times a night to nurse and be held. I thought it was all from travel and that this was the forefront to getting stuck in a rut that could possibly last 10 years (believe me, I am kidding!), but at his last well visit he did have another growth spurt - his head! Yaaa, for his growing brain! I am not worried about his constant night waking, though, and just keep telling myself that I will one day get a full night's sleep. So what if I am half awake when we are having productive bonding and nurturing time! I will miss it someday because they really do grow fast. And I now understand why my dad always told me, "Don't grow up. Stay how you are now," when I was little. I truly want J to stay a baby and in my arms forever. Then again, I miss having more than a glass of wine, and getting up and go for selfish reasons. So perhaps he can stay a baby 6 days a week and then give me one day to not have any responsibilities. If only we could pick and choose in our lives. But he is forever my little boy and I don't want to miss one second of him either.
Showing posts with label sleeping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleeping. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Back to Sleep
MLO is firmly in the 9 1/2 months old category and my hopes regarding this age a few months ago were centered around a night of uninterrupted sleep and a less torturous going to sleep routine. I'm proud to say that, largely, we have achieved this. I made my first post almost exactly 3 months ago and it's full of frustration, anxiety, and of course, exhaustion. I noted how my son struggles to go to sleep and stay asleep. I lamented our lack of a firm routine.
Compared to nighttimes in September, going to sleep and staying asleep these days is relatively easy. The little guy starts to get loopy anywhere from 5:00-6:00 PM and we take that as a cue to eat dinner. He has a nice big meal of cereal and veggies then gets changed or bathed, depending on the night. After he has his pajamas on, he cruises around for a bit with either or both of us, in a quiet environment. We let him take the lead and crawl around, play with toys and babble and squeal. Once he rubs his eyes, starts to fuss or loses coordination enough to bump into something and overreact, we pull the trigger. We say goodnight to whoever is not putting him to bed, turn on the white noise, turn off the light, hold him close for a minute or two and lay him in bed. This results in... sleep. No huge cry-fest, no screaming fits, just sleep. It's such a relief. For the most part we get to sleep all night. The exception seems to come when he starts to clearly show teeth under those swollen gums. As they come closer to the surface he gets grumpier and has a propensity to wake in the middle of the night. If that happens, and he hasn't simply gotten his legs shoved uncomfortably into one leg of his jammies, we give him some Advil or try the homeopathic teething remedy I just got, and snuggle him until he calms down. Sometimes, as was the case last night, he won't calm down after we lay him back in bed. After about 30min of complaining I went down and tried to 'reboot' him. I changed his diaper, found his binkie, and sat with him for a few minutes in the rocking chair. When I laid him down he fussed a little, but as far as I could tell, went back to sleep relatively quickly
Napping, as you may know, has never been our strong-suit. This child has an uncanny ability to stay awake, especially if there is something going on. Not the lolling warmth and motion of the ergo baby, not the comfort and calm of his mothers arms can persuade this little mister to close his eyes during the day. I have found that he sleeps best in his crib and relatively well in his car seat. MLO wakes in the morning at around 6:00 (sometimes, to our great displeasure, much earlier) and is usually taking a morning nap by 8:30. That will often last for an hour or longer. Depending on his night of sleep, he will go down again 2-3 hours later, again for about an hour to an hour and a half. For the first 2 naps of the day he goes down easily. If we catch him before he has gotten over-tired we can simply lay him in bed and he'll go right down. Around 4:00 he starts to act like a brat. He rubs his eyes, complains and overreacts. We have dubbed that time, "The Witching Hour" because regardless of how utterly exhausted he acts, he will cry for an hour or more rather than go down for a nap. We have essentially given up on that one.
The biggest napping challenge we have encountered comes when we leave the house. I profoundly dislike trying to fit my errand running and life living into the 2-3 hour intervals between naps. Unfortunately, if MLO falls asleep in the car the likelyhood of A) the drive being longer than 20 minutes or B) him staying asleep when I take the car seat out of the car is slim to none. A greater challenge still, comes when we try to make up for the missed sleep later, say, around 4:00. As you may have guessed by the charming name we have for that time of day, we don't make up for the missed sleep. This means a handful of whining, uncooperative, loud baby and an exhausted mommy. Yay.
So how did we get from 3 months ago having to hold the little bugger down to get him to sleep to the present, when we can simply lay him in his crib and walk away? I have no idea. We did what seemed to work, taking one day at a time, working into our comfort level which stretched with lack of sleep and greater experience. I have listed what I've gleaned from this experience below:
1. There is no hard and fast rule.
2. Things tend to just work themselves out. Trial and error guided us well.
3. Listening to our kid has lead us to sleep. If we pay attention to him, usually we can get him to sleep without a struggle.
4. What worked yesterday might not work today.
5. Our comfort level changed as we worked through the challenge. We used to shrink completely from the idea of simply letting him sob. Until recently, letting him sob was at times the only way to get him to sleep (which we all needed ), and sometimes his sobbing was an indicator that he was in pain, had poop in his pants, was stuck in his jammies or simply needed a binkie and a loving squeeze. Which brings me back to #1.
So I'm pretty sure that I didn't ruin my kid for life by not choosing a sleep method and following it to the letter. I qualify our current sleeping situation as a success and don't regret any of the twists and turns we have taken to get here. As for your own sleep ride, well, I hope you don't have one. I hope your kid is the sort of kid that just falls asleep in his Ergo....
Compared to nighttimes in September, going to sleep and staying asleep these days is relatively easy. The little guy starts to get loopy anywhere from 5:00-6:00 PM and we take that as a cue to eat dinner. He has a nice big meal of cereal and veggies then gets changed or bathed, depending on the night. After he has his pajamas on, he cruises around for a bit with either or both of us, in a quiet environment. We let him take the lead and crawl around, play with toys and babble and squeal. Once he rubs his eyes, starts to fuss or loses coordination enough to bump into something and overreact, we pull the trigger. We say goodnight to whoever is not putting him to bed, turn on the white noise, turn off the light, hold him close for a minute or two and lay him in bed. This results in... sleep. No huge cry-fest, no screaming fits, just sleep. It's such a relief. For the most part we get to sleep all night. The exception seems to come when he starts to clearly show teeth under those swollen gums. As they come closer to the surface he gets grumpier and has a propensity to wake in the middle of the night. If that happens, and he hasn't simply gotten his legs shoved uncomfortably into one leg of his jammies, we give him some Advil or try the homeopathic teething remedy I just got, and snuggle him until he calms down. Sometimes, as was the case last night, he won't calm down after we lay him back in bed. After about 30min of complaining I went down and tried to 'reboot' him. I changed his diaper, found his binkie, and sat with him for a few minutes in the rocking chair. When I laid him down he fussed a little, but as far as I could tell, went back to sleep relatively quickly
Napping, as you may know, has never been our strong-suit. This child has an uncanny ability to stay awake, especially if there is something going on. Not the lolling warmth and motion of the ergo baby, not the comfort and calm of his mothers arms can persuade this little mister to close his eyes during the day. I have found that he sleeps best in his crib and relatively well in his car seat. MLO wakes in the morning at around 6:00 (sometimes, to our great displeasure, much earlier) and is usually taking a morning nap by 8:30. That will often last for an hour or longer. Depending on his night of sleep, he will go down again 2-3 hours later, again for about an hour to an hour and a half. For the first 2 naps of the day he goes down easily. If we catch him before he has gotten over-tired we can simply lay him in bed and he'll go right down. Around 4:00 he starts to act like a brat. He rubs his eyes, complains and overreacts. We have dubbed that time, "The Witching Hour" because regardless of how utterly exhausted he acts, he will cry for an hour or more rather than go down for a nap. We have essentially given up on that one.
The biggest napping challenge we have encountered comes when we leave the house. I profoundly dislike trying to fit my errand running and life living into the 2-3 hour intervals between naps. Unfortunately, if MLO falls asleep in the car the likelyhood of A) the drive being longer than 20 minutes or B) him staying asleep when I take the car seat out of the car is slim to none. A greater challenge still, comes when we try to make up for the missed sleep later, say, around 4:00. As you may have guessed by the charming name we have for that time of day, we don't make up for the missed sleep. This means a handful of whining, uncooperative, loud baby and an exhausted mommy. Yay.
So how did we get from 3 months ago having to hold the little bugger down to get him to sleep to the present, when we can simply lay him in his crib and walk away? I have no idea. We did what seemed to work, taking one day at a time, working into our comfort level which stretched with lack of sleep and greater experience. I have listed what I've gleaned from this experience below:
1. There is no hard and fast rule.
2. Things tend to just work themselves out. Trial and error guided us well.
3. Listening to our kid has lead us to sleep. If we pay attention to him, usually we can get him to sleep without a struggle.
4. What worked yesterday might not work today.
5. Our comfort level changed as we worked through the challenge. We used to shrink completely from the idea of simply letting him sob. Until recently, letting him sob was at times the only way to get him to sleep (which we all needed ), and sometimes his sobbing was an indicator that he was in pain, had poop in his pants, was stuck in his jammies or simply needed a binkie and a loving squeeze. Which brings me back to #1.
So I'm pretty sure that I didn't ruin my kid for life by not choosing a sleep method and following it to the letter. I qualify our current sleeping situation as a success and don't regret any of the twists and turns we have taken to get here. As for your own sleep ride, well, I hope you don't have one. I hope your kid is the sort of kid that just falls asleep in his Ergo....
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sleep Wars: A New Hope
Well MLO skipped his 1 AM wake-up two nights in a row. This change occurred after I let him complain through it a few nights back. I felt dead tired and just didn't have it in me to go down there and change him. The more I thought about it, the more I resolved to simply let him figure it out. Interestingly, he didn't take long to quiet down and drift to sleep: maybe 20 min. This was the first time he has started to fuss in the night and not spend close to an hour complaining. Notably, he didn't scream and ball, he just sort of complained until he didn't. At 4:26 he woke again and I figured he would go back to sleep. He did not. We listened to him whine or ball for an hour before I went down and fed him. That wake-up has been reproducible within the minute for the last couple of nights and he hasn't seemed receptive to working through that. I refuse to listen to him whine and cry for the better part of an hour, so I've decided not to fight that wake-up. He has awakened at that hour fairly consistently over the last couple of months, so I assume he needs to nurse at that time. Considering he eats somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30 in the evening, 10-11 hours between meals seems about right.
As I look back on the last 8 months and our sleep (or lack there of), I realize that MLO and I slowly dropped a feeding at a time when he was ready; when I tried to push it things went sour. I broke out of sleep deprivation in about the 4th month, and have been working toward a solid 6 hours since then. It seems we have finally made it, although things could change, especially considering that he hasn't started to cut teeth yet. Obviously, I'll keep you posted.
As I look back on the last 8 months and our sleep (or lack there of), I realize that MLO and I slowly dropped a feeding at a time when he was ready; when I tried to push it things went sour. I broke out of sleep deprivation in about the 4th month, and have been working toward a solid 6 hours since then. It seems we have finally made it, although things could change, especially considering that he hasn't started to cut teeth yet. Obviously, I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Surprises
There were many things I didn't expect when MLO was born. Here are a few I thought worth sharing:
- Newborns/infants are incredibly noisy when they sleep. They snort and squeak all night long. Don't let it freak you out.
- People weren't speaking figuratively when they said that the first few months of your child's life you act like a crazy person. Sleep deprivation is a serious business and it takes its toll.
- The 5 S's saved my life: swaddle, shoosh, side-lay, suck (not you, the baby- on a pacifier) and shimmy.
- Newborns can take up to an hour to nurse. At first it can seem like all you do is feed your baby. The length of time you nurse coupled with the frequent feedings can really cut down on your sleep. If you can sleep-nurse at the beginning, do it. If you are interested in doing that but afraid of rolling on baby, check out a co-sleeper.
- People you hardly know are happy for you, new life just brings the best out in people. You will probably end up with lots of gifts, and since some of these gift-givers don't know you well you may end up with things that aren't your taste. In that case, remember that someone chose that item for you with the idea of supporting you and celebrating your little one. To honor that kindness, be gracious and find a place for it. If you can't or won't use it, donate it.
- Consumer Reports and Consumersearch.com are invaluable, but not all informative.
- The first couple of months without a real smile are tough. You sacrifice sleep, fun, and sanity for your baby and the most you get is not crying. Once your little one smiles on purpose, you know the true meaning of joy.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Daily Grind Returns
Sorry for the Hiatus!
MLO and I have finally returned home after much back and forth up to my folks' place about 2.5 hours away. My best friend and my sister both got married two weeks apart in our home town area and I had the distinction of serving as matron of honor in both weddings. I had a blast helping out and participating in two amazingly beautiful ceremonies and MLO had a blast being spoiled utterly rotten by my fam.
In this last trip up my parents' house was full of my aunts, uncles and cousins, brothers and sister, grandma and two dogs. MLO got passed around from willing relation to willing relation and to my knowledge impressed everyone with his happy disposition and hilarious babbling. I really feel very fortunate that a) I have such a well behaved baby b) I have such an amazing family to take over caring for MLO while I assembled floral arrangements, ran errands and got myself into pretty mode and c) I have a husband that managed to keep his head amidst the insanity.
If MLO threw a fit I wasn't around to see it. He napped relatively well, considering, but had some difficulty at night (although he was allowed to stay up much later than usual... see the end of paragraph one). MLO, Hubby and I got home Sunday and by Monday we were all sick. MLO occasionally cries and touches his throat with a confused look which makes me feel terrible. Other than that he has some minor congestion and seems to hardly notice that he is under the weather. We have read most of 'Bambi' in the last few days as a way to get him to be still and rest. Except in the car seat, I haven't seen him be still this much since he was an infant.
MLO's new favorite thing is to stand up. He requires help: the couch, a door (eek), my pants (which are not always secured... ahem), the drawer pulls, his 'crate' walls. But he loves to stand up and look around and shuffle his feet. As for his 'crate', we got one of those play yards by North States and unfortunately he hates it. He stands up, grasps the walls and wails in his most pitiful tone, "Ababababa!" I find it rather heartbreaking. As far as I've heard, though, he only hates it when I'm around, otherwise he plays happily in it while other people read or do chores. Lucky me.
I think we are going to start him on barley this week. It's time for a new carbohydrate and I think oatmeal has become a bit worn out.
Be sure to check out the poll....
Cheers!
MLO and I have finally returned home after much back and forth up to my folks' place about 2.5 hours away. My best friend and my sister both got married two weeks apart in our home town area and I had the distinction of serving as matron of honor in both weddings. I had a blast helping out and participating in two amazingly beautiful ceremonies and MLO had a blast being spoiled utterly rotten by my fam.
In this last trip up my parents' house was full of my aunts, uncles and cousins, brothers and sister, grandma and two dogs. MLO got passed around from willing relation to willing relation and to my knowledge impressed everyone with his happy disposition and hilarious babbling. I really feel very fortunate that a) I have such a well behaved baby b) I have such an amazing family to take over caring for MLO while I assembled floral arrangements, ran errands and got myself into pretty mode and c) I have a husband that managed to keep his head amidst the insanity.
If MLO threw a fit I wasn't around to see it. He napped relatively well, considering, but had some difficulty at night (although he was allowed to stay up much later than usual... see the end of paragraph one). MLO, Hubby and I got home Sunday and by Monday we were all sick. MLO occasionally cries and touches his throat with a confused look which makes me feel terrible. Other than that he has some minor congestion and seems to hardly notice that he is under the weather. We have read most of 'Bambi' in the last few days as a way to get him to be still and rest. Except in the car seat, I haven't seen him be still this much since he was an infant.
MLO's new favorite thing is to stand up. He requires help: the couch, a door (eek), my pants (which are not always secured... ahem), the drawer pulls, his 'crate' walls. But he loves to stand up and look around and shuffle his feet. As for his 'crate', we got one of those play yards by North States and unfortunately he hates it. He stands up, grasps the walls and wails in his most pitiful tone, "Ababababa!" I find it rather heartbreaking. As far as I've heard, though, he only hates it when I'm around, otherwise he plays happily in it while other people read or do chores. Lucky me.
I think we are going to start him on barley this week. It's time for a new carbohydrate and I think oatmeal has become a bit worn out.
Be sure to check out the poll....
Cheers!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Sleep Wars Episode III
So the night before last MLO awoke again around 3. I changed him and rocked him for a bit but he didn't seem tired. He wasn't fussy, just awake. So I put him in his crib and went back to bed. That did not last. He was quiet for a while, then began to fuss, then began to ball. I went in a couple of times to lay him back down, soothe him, and hold his arms for a bit to get him to hold still long enough for him to realize his own exhaustion. It took a long time for him to go to sleep, and before I knew it, he was up crying again (5:30) and out of exasperation and exhaustion I fed him. Unfortunately, nursing him did not do the trick. He stayed awake playing in his crib for another hour before finally falling asleep on his own.
He and I have left town for a few days so we have postponed sleep training for now. There is no reason to push the issue with him sleeping in a travel crib and in an unfamiliar room. Hopefully this doesn't throw us off course, and if it does, oh well.
He and I have left town for a few days so we have postponed sleep training for now. There is no reason to push the issue with him sleeping in a travel crib and in an unfamiliar room. Hopefully this doesn't throw us off course, and if it does, oh well.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Sleep Wars Episode II
So MLO has generally napped better since learning to crawl and since starting solid foods. Alternatively, he has had a harder time going to sleep. I removed his bumper from the crib as he started pulling himself up on the rails and I didn't want him launching himself over. Now that he can see out the sides from a laying position he just wants to play. He will spend over an hour crawling around his crib, pulling himself up and whining even though he is clearly exhausted. I don't get it.
Last night I made an interesting discovery that I think is related to both solid food and cloth diapers. Since MLO has started on solids he seems more likely to go longer at night before wanting to eat, no big surprise there. Also, he urinates less as he doesn't consume milk before going to bed. Since he stopped wetting so heavily we recently decided to go back to cloth diapering at night. As such, when he wakes up to nurse I have been changing him before-hand to be sure that he gets changed before nodding off while nursing. Last night he awoke at 12:45 and 5:30, both times giving his usual cry of' "Come feed me, dammit!" I put him on the changing table and he threw a fit, as usual. By the time his diaper was changed (it takes me a bit longer with cloth than with disposables) he was no longer upset. In fact, he didn't seem hungry. I rocked him in the chair for a bit before putting him back in bed and he was fine both times. He did end up whining again around 6, so I got up and fed him and off to sleep he went.
So, what does this mean? Well it might mean nothing. MLO has gone through the night without nursing (or waking, for that matter) before, and nothing changed in the long term. Though, I have to wonder if the waking and going back to sleep with no nursing is a step for us. He is used to nursing once at night, and I suspect he uses that more to get back to sleep than to quench thirst or fill an empty achy tummy. If I can get him back to sleep without nursing him, maybe we are closer to getting himself back to sleep. Again, we could let him cry it out, but I'm just not comfortable with that. We have tried it before and it ends up making us all miserable for an hour or longer. So we will see. Any of you experienced moms have any suggestions/observations to share?
Last night I made an interesting discovery that I think is related to both solid food and cloth diapers. Since MLO has started on solids he seems more likely to go longer at night before wanting to eat, no big surprise there. Also, he urinates less as he doesn't consume milk before going to bed. Since he stopped wetting so heavily we recently decided to go back to cloth diapering at night. As such, when he wakes up to nurse I have been changing him before-hand to be sure that he gets changed before nodding off while nursing. Last night he awoke at 12:45 and 5:30, both times giving his usual cry of' "Come feed me, dammit!" I put him on the changing table and he threw a fit, as usual. By the time his diaper was changed (it takes me a bit longer with cloth than with disposables) he was no longer upset. In fact, he didn't seem hungry. I rocked him in the chair for a bit before putting him back in bed and he was fine both times. He did end up whining again around 6, so I got up and fed him and off to sleep he went.
So, what does this mean? Well it might mean nothing. MLO has gone through the night without nursing (or waking, for that matter) before, and nothing changed in the long term. Though, I have to wonder if the waking and going back to sleep with no nursing is a step for us. He is used to nursing once at night, and I suspect he uses that more to get back to sleep than to quench thirst or fill an empty achy tummy. If I can get him back to sleep without nursing him, maybe we are closer to getting himself back to sleep. Again, we could let him cry it out, but I'm just not comfortable with that. We have tried it before and it ends up making us all miserable for an hour or longer. So we will see. Any of you experienced moms have any suggestions/observations to share?
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Daily Grind
This is has been a huge month for our family. MLO has become a champ at eating solid foods, pooping real, human poop, crawling, and climbing.
We started solid food with oatmeal instead of the traditional rice cereal on a recommendation from our doc. We have successfully tried banana, butternut squash, and carrots. I'm making the baby food myself which is so easy. I use some ice cube trays with lids to freeze the pureed food into serving sizes and it works great. MLO is eating 2 meals of solid food a day which has cut down on his nursing and his puking (yay!). I am concerned that he isn't getting enough to drink, but he seems happy enough and I offer him water from his sippy cup.
Along with solid food comes the Poop Shift. That relatively odorless yellow mess that used to squeeze out the legs and top of the diaper is no more. In fact, for a few days after his introduction to solids there was no poop at all. You can imagine my anxiety: "When will it happen? How much am I going to have to deal with? Will it hurt him? Will it overflow? Is he impacted?". When it finally happened after almost a week it was not so bad. MLO didn't seem to be bothered by it, although the look of concern and concentration he made while making his special delivery was priceless. I texted my husband, "Full on turds. Stinky turds." Boy, are they stinky. If by chance you miss the spectacle that is his eyebrows furrowing and his face turning purple while he delivers, you will definitely not miss the smell. At first it was a bit pasty and messy to clean up, but now he presents us with neatly bundled poops that roll off into the toilet: no poop laying around in a diaper pail, so no lingering ick. I like it fine.
MLO has mastered crawling. He isn't terribly fast, but when he wants to go he goes efficiently and directly. It is so cute to watch. I definitely need to invest in a pen to keep him safe and allow him to practice while I clean house or make meals. With crawling has come climbing. He pulls himself up on anything he can reach. With both crawling and climbing comes heightened anxiety. I try to let him bonk in hopes that he'll learn to watch his head when coming up to a table or not to crawl into the door, but of course I don't want him to hurt himself. I'm trying to find that balance between appropriately protecting and not hovering anxiously.
Yeah, so big changes this month!
We started solid food with oatmeal instead of the traditional rice cereal on a recommendation from our doc. We have successfully tried banana, butternut squash, and carrots. I'm making the baby food myself which is so easy. I use some ice cube trays with lids to freeze the pureed food into serving sizes and it works great. MLO is eating 2 meals of solid food a day which has cut down on his nursing and his puking (yay!). I am concerned that he isn't getting enough to drink, but he seems happy enough and I offer him water from his sippy cup.
Along with solid food comes the Poop Shift. That relatively odorless yellow mess that used to squeeze out the legs and top of the diaper is no more. In fact, for a few days after his introduction to solids there was no poop at all. You can imagine my anxiety: "When will it happen? How much am I going to have to deal with? Will it hurt him? Will it overflow? Is he impacted?". When it finally happened after almost a week it was not so bad. MLO didn't seem to be bothered by it, although the look of concern and concentration he made while making his special delivery was priceless. I texted my husband, "Full on turds. Stinky turds." Boy, are they stinky. If by chance you miss the spectacle that is his eyebrows furrowing and his face turning purple while he delivers, you will definitely not miss the smell. At first it was a bit pasty and messy to clean up, but now he presents us with neatly bundled poops that roll off into the toilet: no poop laying around in a diaper pail, so no lingering ick. I like it fine.
MLO has mastered crawling. He isn't terribly fast, but when he wants to go he goes efficiently and directly. It is so cute to watch. I definitely need to invest in a pen to keep him safe and allow him to practice while I clean house or make meals. With crawling has come climbing. He pulls himself up on anything he can reach. With both crawling and climbing comes heightened anxiety. I try to let him bonk in hopes that he'll learn to watch his head when coming up to a table or not to crawl into the door, but of course I don't want him to hurt himself. I'm trying to find that balance between appropriately protecting and not hovering anxiously.
Yeah, so big changes this month!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Afterbirth
So much changes after your baby is born; a drastic hormone shift occurs, your body shrinks and suddenly feels empty, you face the needs of a person who depends on you completely. All of those changes bring about their own set of challenges and rewards. My experience was exaggerated by having my son taken from me in the hours after his birth with his subsequent admission to the NICU. Just as nothing can fully prepare you for becoming a parent, nothing can prepare you to be separated from your child and having to observe him hooked up to oxygen, monitor wires and IVs. You just have to get through it, and you do.
When MLO was admitted I was in the baby and mother ward while Hubby was with MLO. I had no idea what was going on for a good 30-40 minutes before a nurse came in and told me that they had admitted my son and were running tests. I was very brave. I didn't cry, I asked the questions that satisfied my need to understand and I rationalized that my son was going to be fine, just as the nurse said, but that he needed a little extra care. I kept my brave face until, exhausted and with the shock of having labored and delivered wearing off, I was wheeled up to the NICU to see my son for the first time since he had been taken from me. When I laid eyes on him I lost it. I couldn't touch him, he was hooked up to several monitors, fluid bags and an oxygen machine. He looked so tiny and helpless and the only things I could do, provide for his nutrition and comfort, I couldn't do. He was receiving nutrients through an IV and I wasn't allowed to hold him. I felt powerless, unnecessary and heartbroken. I wanted to stay with him, but I knew I was worthless with exhaustion and sorrow. Hubby wheeled me back to my room. It rained that night and for days after.
The next day we made our way to the NICU. I was still too weak and anemic to make the walk so Hubby wheeled me down. This time I was allowed to hold MLO and they told me it was ok to try to nurse him. We had a hard time, as MLO was getting most of the nutrients he needed from the IV and was so apparently comforted to be close to me that he just fell asleep. This was the first of the challenges that led to my biggest post-partum frustration: everyone knew more than I did. I had at least two different lactation consultants giving me advice along with the NICU nurses and the physician. Having all of those experts sharing their opinion overshadowed my experience and essentially made me feel worthless and stupid. In hindsight I recognize that I let it bother me more than it should have, but I was hardly myself and I was losing the experience of learning on my own to the differing advice and opinions of experts. Frankly, I had a hard time keeping it together. I just wanted to cry. Hubby and I took turns holding our little fella and then he wheeled me back to my room for lunch.
Later that day I had a psychiatrist visit as is required for all moms with babies in the NICU. She asked the usual questions, "Do you use drugs? Does your spouse abuse you?". She tried to get me to talk about my feelings regarding my son's admission but the whole thing was forced and I just wasn't comfortable with her. I basically just tried to get rid of her. Once she was gone and Hubby was back I felt much better. Hubby could always calm my nerves and set things right. During labor and in the days after MLO was born I realized how profoundly lucky I was to have my Hubby. Through the challenges of the labor and an admitted baby Hubby and I acted as one and even at my weakest he gave me strength. I didn't think I could love him more, but after all that, I did.
In a hospital setting like that there are so many different people giving you advice and guidance. The bombardment is overwhelming and sometimes conflicting. We had the breastfeeding consultants telling us one thing, then when we discussed this with our NICU nurse she seemed to get upset and imply we were doing it wrong. I can't express how difficult that is for a new mom to hear. Not only are you new at this incredibly important job, but you have limited contact with the baby you have been longing to meet for 9 months and you just want to do it right. Those feelings compounded into a lingering sense of ineptitude.
On the last day of my stay in the hospital all of this came to a head. Everyone was telling me how to do my job, some opinions differed from others and all I wanted was some relaxed, private time with my newborn. I generally felt like I just couldn't do anything right, and compared to these experts, I couldn't. On top of all that floated this cloud of guilt I felt about leaving my baby in the hospital and moving home. I had finally reached the end of my rope and needed to get away from the hospital. As I left the NICU I ran into the therapist and she took my arm and said in this over sympathetic tone, "You look sad." I wanted to yell at her, "Of course I'm sad! I'm leaving my newborn child in the care of strangers and going home! I can't seem to nurse him right! My milk won't come in! Everyone is telling me what to do! Are you kidding?" But all I said was, "I'm just really overwhelmed, and I need to go home" and I turned and walked away.
Once I got home I started to relax and recover. I regained my sanity and cried less when I went to the hospital. Hubby and I essentially took shifts at the NICU until he had to go back to work, then I split my days between bed and the NICU. MLO was recovering well and we were getting better at nursing. I got to enjoy just holding him and when something unexpected happened I had a whole cadre of experts to tell me not to worry about it. I started to reap the benefits of all that knowledge and desire to help. Concurrently the weather began to warm and the sun broke through the clouds.
On the day MLO was discharged the sun was shining. He had a flawless check up with the physician and was given the greenlight to go home. We packed him up and into the car seat. On the way home he slept peacefully. As I stared through the car windows I noticed that the whole world was fresh and bright. The hills were a brilliant green and the sky clear and blue. The beauty of it dazzled me. All the cars seemed to move so fast, I was taken aback by how hurried everything was. I felt content to take our time, our family complete, peacefully travelling home. I mentioned this to Hubby and he agreed. We were both just so happy. The world had never seemed so rich and beautiful to us as it did on the day we brought MLO home, and our lives have been enriched beyond description since.
So maybe all that sorrow and frustration helped us realize how incredibly lucky we were to simply drive home with our kidlet. It certainly made us stronger and in the face of all that doubt I have turned out to be as good a mom as ever I hoped (for now). At least I feel confident that I do right by my son. So yes, there are challenges but the rewards are beyond measure. As Richard Bach said, "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it's hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts."
When MLO was admitted I was in the baby and mother ward while Hubby was with MLO. I had no idea what was going on for a good 30-40 minutes before a nurse came in and told me that they had admitted my son and were running tests. I was very brave. I didn't cry, I asked the questions that satisfied my need to understand and I rationalized that my son was going to be fine, just as the nurse said, but that he needed a little extra care. I kept my brave face until, exhausted and with the shock of having labored and delivered wearing off, I was wheeled up to the NICU to see my son for the first time since he had been taken from me. When I laid eyes on him I lost it. I couldn't touch him, he was hooked up to several monitors, fluid bags and an oxygen machine. He looked so tiny and helpless and the only things I could do, provide for his nutrition and comfort, I couldn't do. He was receiving nutrients through an IV and I wasn't allowed to hold him. I felt powerless, unnecessary and heartbroken. I wanted to stay with him, but I knew I was worthless with exhaustion and sorrow. Hubby wheeled me back to my room. It rained that night and for days after.
The next day we made our way to the NICU. I was still too weak and anemic to make the walk so Hubby wheeled me down. This time I was allowed to hold MLO and they told me it was ok to try to nurse him. We had a hard time, as MLO was getting most of the nutrients he needed from the IV and was so apparently comforted to be close to me that he just fell asleep. This was the first of the challenges that led to my biggest post-partum frustration: everyone knew more than I did. I had at least two different lactation consultants giving me advice along with the NICU nurses and the physician. Having all of those experts sharing their opinion overshadowed my experience and essentially made me feel worthless and stupid. In hindsight I recognize that I let it bother me more than it should have, but I was hardly myself and I was losing the experience of learning on my own to the differing advice and opinions of experts. Frankly, I had a hard time keeping it together. I just wanted to cry. Hubby and I took turns holding our little fella and then he wheeled me back to my room for lunch.
Later that day I had a psychiatrist visit as is required for all moms with babies in the NICU. She asked the usual questions, "Do you use drugs? Does your spouse abuse you?". She tried to get me to talk about my feelings regarding my son's admission but the whole thing was forced and I just wasn't comfortable with her. I basically just tried to get rid of her. Once she was gone and Hubby was back I felt much better. Hubby could always calm my nerves and set things right. During labor and in the days after MLO was born I realized how profoundly lucky I was to have my Hubby. Through the challenges of the labor and an admitted baby Hubby and I acted as one and even at my weakest he gave me strength. I didn't think I could love him more, but after all that, I did.
In a hospital setting like that there are so many different people giving you advice and guidance. The bombardment is overwhelming and sometimes conflicting. We had the breastfeeding consultants telling us one thing, then when we discussed this with our NICU nurse she seemed to get upset and imply we were doing it wrong. I can't express how difficult that is for a new mom to hear. Not only are you new at this incredibly important job, but you have limited contact with the baby you have been longing to meet for 9 months and you just want to do it right. Those feelings compounded into a lingering sense of ineptitude.
On the last day of my stay in the hospital all of this came to a head. Everyone was telling me how to do my job, some opinions differed from others and all I wanted was some relaxed, private time with my newborn. I generally felt like I just couldn't do anything right, and compared to these experts, I couldn't. On top of all that floated this cloud of guilt I felt about leaving my baby in the hospital and moving home. I had finally reached the end of my rope and needed to get away from the hospital. As I left the NICU I ran into the therapist and she took my arm and said in this over sympathetic tone, "You look sad." I wanted to yell at her, "Of course I'm sad! I'm leaving my newborn child in the care of strangers and going home! I can't seem to nurse him right! My milk won't come in! Everyone is telling me what to do! Are you kidding?" But all I said was, "I'm just really overwhelmed, and I need to go home" and I turned and walked away.
Once I got home I started to relax and recover. I regained my sanity and cried less when I went to the hospital. Hubby and I essentially took shifts at the NICU until he had to go back to work, then I split my days between bed and the NICU. MLO was recovering well and we were getting better at nursing. I got to enjoy just holding him and when something unexpected happened I had a whole cadre of experts to tell me not to worry about it. I started to reap the benefits of all that knowledge and desire to help. Concurrently the weather began to warm and the sun broke through the clouds.
On the day MLO was discharged the sun was shining. He had a flawless check up with the physician and was given the greenlight to go home. We packed him up and into the car seat. On the way home he slept peacefully. As I stared through the car windows I noticed that the whole world was fresh and bright. The hills were a brilliant green and the sky clear and blue. The beauty of it dazzled me. All the cars seemed to move so fast, I was taken aback by how hurried everything was. I felt content to take our time, our family complete, peacefully travelling home. I mentioned this to Hubby and he agreed. We were both just so happy. The world had never seemed so rich and beautiful to us as it did on the day we brought MLO home, and our lives have been enriched beyond description since.
So maybe all that sorrow and frustration helped us realize how incredibly lucky we were to simply drive home with our kidlet. It certainly made us stronger and in the face of all that doubt I have turned out to be as good a mom as ever I hoped (for now). At least I feel confident that I do right by my son. So yes, there are challenges but the rewards are beyond measure. As Richard Bach said, "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it's hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts."
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