The baby who wouldn't kiss

Ever since MLO began to express his personality he has had a way of attracting an entire room's attention and sending the mood of the place into joyful wonder. He's always been beautiful, funny, easy to love and shamelessly flirtatious. However, while other babies his age would hug and kiss and express love in myriad other ways, MLO generally kept his affection to himself. For instance, after he learned to walk he would now and again run over to me, wrap his arms around my legs and say "Hiiiiii Mama." Then, as quickly as he appeared, he would scamper off to wreak havoc on some toy or clean corner of the house. That was it. No kisses, few hugs. As adoring and utterly devoted parents, Hubby and I would shower hugs and kisses and "I love you"s on the child with abandon, so we didn't really understand why MLO didn't seem to reciprocate. To clarify, neither of us doubted that he loved us and that he knew he was loved, we just didn't understand why he didn't express it in ways other kids his age did.   

My favorite example of this is as follows: One morning, when MLO was around 15 months old and had just awakened from his nap, I walked into his room. The picture of happiness, he smiled broadly from above the rails of his crib and exclaimed, "Hiiiii Mama!"  I went over and gave him a big kiss and a squeeze, and as our routine dictated, proceeded to play a game of hide and seek while he remained in bed. We both laughed and smiled and when I went to lift him from the crib I asked for a kiss. "Kiss for mommy?", I said, and leaned my cheek in toward his face. He took his little hands, one on each side of my face, and turned my face around to look him in the eyes. He then turned his cheek to face me, and pulled my face toward his cheek, so that I may kiss him. Yes, my son in effect said, "You may have the profound privilege of kissing me. That's as much affection as your gonna get, lady."

It was some months later that MLO finally started to give hugs and kisses. At first his kisses were fully opened mouth affairs, with plenty of drool. He finally got that he should purse his lips a bit. He still only very rarely volunteers a kiss, though he generously doles out hugs. His favorite times to hug are when he is sitting in his highchair or laying on the changing table. I'm fairly certain he uses the imploring request "Hug!" on the changing table as a distraction mechanism, since he seems to hate having his diaper changed. He has also picked up the habit of saying lovingly, "Ooooh, Mama!" and "Ooooh Dada!" when he finds us particularly funny or sweet. He has even started saying "Silly Dada!" (or Mama) and pronounces "Silly" without the 'l' sound. So yeah, my baby that wouldn't kiss is now the toddler that loves to hug. I'll take it!

Fun Mother's and Father's Day Gift Ideas

Being a mildly creative person I wanted to do something fun for my mom, grandma and mother-in-law for mother's day last year. I wanted it to be personalized and unique to MLO. Several companies in our area do hand and foot prints of your baby in clay that they glaze and fire and they look beautiful but cost a bit more than I was interested in paying. Additionally, I wanted to make something so that both MLO and I had our stamps on it, so to speak. Another mom suggested going to our local 'paint-your-own-pottery' shop to stamp MLO's foot prints on something (hand prints are next to impossible, even for a 1 year old- they just clench). All of the adults in our extended families drink coffee, so I went down, picked out mugs and painted away.

There are a few keys to success:

1. Bring someone else to handle baby. I brought my mother-in-law which allowed her to pick out the colors she wanted on her mug.
2. Don't try to reprint baby's footprint if the first one didn't quite make it. If you have to, paint in the toes.
3. The imprint is a three person job- Grandma held MLO, while an employee held baby's foot still and I rolled the mug across MLOs foot.
4. The older the baby, the harder it is. I took MLO just after his birthday to finally make a mug for myself and he was far more difficult to entertain at 12 months than he was at 2 and 3. He also was more engaged during the imprint, which proved more challenging as he tried to pull away.
5. Use a lighter color as the base color and use a very dark color for the footprint. You don't get the advantage of multiple layers of paint for the imprint so it's important that the print be much darker in color than the base color.

I ended up with some really cute mugs that were totally DIY. They were not professional quality, but hey, they're going to your parents. I love the idea of making something for your folks that includes an aspect of your child so that they benefit from a double dose of personalized gift giving!

A less DIY but totally personalized gift option is the photo mug or calendar. I use Snapfish to create mine. Photo mugs are actually a bit cheaper than the paint your own options, and they are totally cheesy, but grandparents love them. Calendars are great around Christmas time since the new year is about to start. I used pictures from each month of MLO's first year and it was so cute. Already we have compared MLO this year to MLO last year  using the calendars and it's fun to see.

A slightly more personalized option is the brag book. You can find classy looking ones at CR Gibson or Etsy or you can make one yourself. Giving the book already filled with pictures personalizes it and makes it more meaningful. This gift is more of a grandma gift, since they usually have purses with ample enough room to carry such an object. For a similar idea you can get a relatively inexpensive digital photo frame with a memory card already filled with pictures of your little one and/or your family through the years. This works great for dads as it's something they can have at work.

Those are my ideas, what are yours?

A Weaning

MLO and I struggled with nursing these last few months. I screwed up my milk supply and had barely enough to get us through the day. The nursing first thing was the only really good feeding we had. The others, generally occurring at 3 hour intervals thereafter, were low volume, and he tended to fuss for much of the time. By March we had, for the most part, dropped the latest feeding (occurring between 3 and 4 PM), sort of accidentally. Neither of us remembered, and with all that exciting solid food he didn't seem to mind. So, on March 1st I stopped the other feedings all together. For the first two weeks of March we nestled close in the mornings and shared our beloved morning routine. It wasn't the quiet, focused feedings we shared months prior. He pulled off and looked around, poked my belly button and would seem to lose interest entirely, only to cry when I buttoned myself up, so to speak.

One morning in mid-March he woke up, and instead of expressing interest in my chest he seemed to want to get down and play. So I let him. And then it struck me, "He isn't asking to nurse. You wanted to nurse for a year, but no longer. Let's just stop." With a twinge of loss and nostalgia I fed my son a meal of eggs and cheerios and he hasn't looked back. I both miss nursing and relish not having to do it. The quiet moments spent holding each other that led to long gazes into each other's eyes are no longer. These days I can hardly get MLO to sit still long enough to hug and kiss him before he pushes my face away and slips from my lap. I have to admit, though, that I don't miss the pressing feeling of obligation that came like clockwork to find a quiet place to nurse. I don't miss sitting alone in a room to avoid the constant distractions that led to MLO's patented nurse and pull-off, nurse and pull-off method of nursing; a completely maddening way to feed a child. I don't miss fretting about what I've eaten and how much water I've consumed. I don't miss worrying about how much milk he's getting and how to increase my supply.

Overall, the weaning was easy and has been a good experience for both of us. MLO loves to drink his milk and snack every few hours. In addition to his milk cup, he has a water bottle that is always accessible to him. He doesn't seem to miss snuggling with me, and he certainly relishes feeding himself. As with everything so far, I register a deep significance, feel strongly these senses of loss and gain. MLO just keeps on keepin' on, living fully in each moment but always ready for the next. I have discovered there is no greater teacher than my 1-year old son. 

Have shoes, will travel.

Milestone alert: MLO is walking. Not just a few steps here and there, but exclusive use of the soles of his feet to move from point A to point B. This happened on March 29th. All of a sudden he decided that he preferred walking over crawling. I realized he had made this decision with one tiny action. I went to open the front door and from across the room he began to crawl toward me, then got up and essentially ran over to me. It wasn't coordinated or fluid, and he fell, but he got back up and walked over. That was it. He didn't really go back to crawling after that. So the next day MLO and I went to downtown San Luis Obispo, and holding my hand, we walked around. Not down the street, but the equivalent of about 2 blocks over a few hours. We moved at his pace, and ended up in a couple of places I hadn't intended to go. We saw goldfish in the pond at Growing Grounds and hippies in the square at the Mission. He made friends with young and old alike. He showed me things I hadn't bothered to notice before, like the bright new fire hose hook-ups on the sides of buildings and tiny hidden walkways behind locked iron gates. It was lovely: making friends with strangers, not feeling rushed, watching my son learn the ropes of sitting on a park bench or walking down a slope. I kept hearing "It goes by so fast. Savor it", and that day I did. I moved with my son, savoring his experience of life and being thankful for a slow day in SLO.

Tasty Finger Food for your Little Dude (or Dudette)

MLO has become increasingly picky. In bygone days he would eat nearly anything you put in his mouth with only a brief analyzation trial period (as in seconds) for new foods. Since beginning table foods (the non-pureed version of what we've been feeding him) his tastes have become much more discerning. Whole peas? Blegh. Chopped broccoli? Blegh. Chopped carrot? Blegh. Dude! You ate these no problem when they were pureed. WTF?

I've noticed that the pickiness seems to reach it's height at dinner time. At lunch he will gladly munch more than a few cubes of steamed diced carrot but when dinner rolls around, forget about it. It seems that the progression to tolerating the new textures and demands of table foods requires a well rested, and thus patient, baby. It also seems that this process is a long one (at least in our case).

So against my better judgement, but due to my insatiable curiosity and penchant for culinary optimism, I'm going to introduce a new table food tonight. The baked then pureed or even just scooped version of sweet potatoes is a go-to, sure fire, baby pleasing staple in this house. Lets see what he thinks of SWEET POTATO FRIES.

The Recipe

• Approximately (~) 1 pound of medium sweet potatoes halved, then sliced into ~1/4 inch strips. Turn the strips on their sides and slice again to the same dimension.
•  2 tbs of extra virgin olive oil
•  A generous sprinkling of Italian Seasoning
•  A similarly generous sprinkling of garlic powder
•  One more generous sprinkling of fresh ground pepper

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Place sweet potatoes in a bowl and drizzle with olive oil. Add seasonings and mix the sweet potatoes until coated. It's best to use your hands here to ensure the fries are covered with oil. Place the fries in one layer on a lined or lightly greased baking sheet. Bake for 15 minutes, then remove the sheet and flip the fries over (a spatula works great). Bake them for 15 minutes or so; you want them to brown. It's ok if some of the ends get black, but they just aren't very nummy when the whole batch is that way: trust me.


I like this idea because the fries are salt free, oiled with nutritious and tasty olive oil, and baked instead of fried. They are a good size for little hands, and at the very least, a novelty. They are tasty as-is for grown-ups, too, which make them a wonderful side dish for the whole family to share.

I'll let you guys know how it turns out tonight. If he doesn't like them, I'm sure I'll find someone who'll eat them....

Socially Awkward, Socially Aware

I don't get people. I'm really not very good at seeing what motivates them and to what they relate. I've always had this disconnect, where it takes some embarrassing event for me to see that I've hurt someone's feelings or missed some important social cue. Therefore, I'm shy and often awkward. I say inappropriate or down right stupid things. At times I talk about myself or my views an inordinate amount in an attempt to excuse or explain myself.  I turn people off, sometimes right away and other times after a while. I'm also a disorganized, flakey, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person. Some people love me because I'm a wacko, others love me despite it, and most people that figure it out steer clear, or I steer clear of people, I'm not sure which.

The trouble is, I'm socially aware enough to know that I'm not a good friend, good acquaintance and an overall socially adept person. I've tried to remedy these things, particularly my propensity for flakeyness and disorganization (which oddly enough are qualities specific to my social life, not my work life), as I want to be a better friend. However, I always find myself back where I was, and now that I'm a parent I don't much have the motivation to pump energy into self improvement.

Aye, there's the rub. I'm a parent; an example. How do I raise a socially adept, timely thank-you card writing, empathetic person when I am not that way?

Big Food

MLO has begun to eat chunky foods. I started by scooping the butternut squash and sweet potato out and just mashing it a little and processing his green beans to a relish consistency instead of a puree. I also chopped his banana into matchstick width cubes. Our pediatrician suggested we start meats at 9 months and told me not to bother pureeing them. His words were, "Would you want to eat that stuff? Ick. Just chop it up fine, and feed him what you're eating that night."

MLO has always been a robust eater, so the change in consistency didn't phase him. I try to mix things into his cereal to expose him to different texture experiences, but I've heard many people say that method works well for getting a picky eater to progress out of purees. MLO has since tried chunked up green beans (which he ate with his hands and to which he seemed to have a topical allergy), chopped and steamed baby carrots and broccoli. I get a kick our of letting him feed himself; it allows me to do some dishes while he enjoys his meal. He enjoys playing with the food and carefully chooses different veggies from his options. He seemed to prefer the carrots to the green beans.

Today we will try pork. He has eaten chicken plenty and had some ground beef before the crazy allergy scare, but I haven't reintroduced it. A few days ago I introduced mandarin. I've heard conflicting things about when to introduce citrus, but I had it, and some sources say 10 months is fine, so we tried it. I have these nifty feeders that allow baby to suck and chew on food in a little mesh holder. I stuck a few wedges of mandarin in the bag and let him go at it. At first he made a face, but he persevered. Yesterday he looked blissful, chomping and sucking on that thing. I also tried a new recipe with him yesterday that he seemed to love:

Pear Yogurt
1. a few good sized globs of pasteurized plain whole milk yogurt (no sugar added)
2. half a semi-ripe pear, shredded
3. a pinch of cinnamon

I had some and it tasted delicious. I want to raise a child with a broad and experimental pallet. MLO's love of food should make that a simple task; it's really up to me to introduce unique textures and flavors. Speaking of which, I made chicken for him the other afternoon that was pretty damn spicy. I used my father-in-law's patented Spicy Southern Seasoning and thought I had significantly dulled it with flour. Not so! MLO ate it no problem mixed with his cereal or beans while I was gone. Surprisingly, it didn't seem to bother him coming out the other end, either. When I returned I tried the chicken and found myself nearly breaking a sweat. That's my boy! 

The Break

I just returned from my first baby free weekend. The inspiration came from Hubby. MLO is now well over the 10.5 month mark and I've been feeling really isolated, overwhelmed and generally sad, so Hubby suggested that I get away for the weekend. My sister lives in San Francisco, so I packed up on Friday and headed up.

I spent the preceding days doing laundry and prepping food so that MLO would be clothed and more easily fed. I didn't have any breast milk stored up, so Hubby fed MLO a bottle of formula in the mornings and late afternoon in addition to the baby's usual meals of solid food. I wanted the experience to be as easy for Hubby as I could make it.

As I got into my car on Friday I had a substantial knot in my stomach. What if I hadn't made enough food? What if MLO threw a fit about the formula? What have I forgotten? What am I going to do without him? Though I wanted to have a weekend to myself, complete with the luxuries of sleeping past 6am and allowing myself to get a good buzz on before 6pm, I really hated the thought of being away from my baby. I've been kind of a wreck lately, though, and knew that making some space for myself and what I wanted to do, giving very little thought to catering to someone else, would help me refresh and regenerate.

So off I went. I arrived in the city mid-afternoon and proceeded to have a thoroughly enjoyable weekend. We ate good food, went climbing, had a fabulous yin yoga class, ate more good food, shopped and ate still more good food. Hubby and I talked a couple of times a day on speaker phone so that MLO and I could hear each other. He sent me multiple pictures a day, so I didn't feel completely out of touch. I ached for my baby, but not nearly so badly as I thought I would. My sister and her husband made me feel like I was on a luxury vacation so that helped me relax and just enjoy the moment.

 MLO was a good boy for his daddy, and they had fun watching tractors and hanging with grandma, grandpa, aunty and uncle over the weekend. While I was away, MLO started to take some independent steps. This morning I got to witness his fledgling attempts at walking. The weekend went so well, in fact, that Hubby suggested I do this more often. I think I'll take him up on it. A nice monthly (or every other month)trip out of town to visit friends would be a grounding experience, while allowing me to reconnect with the friends I miss so much. It's hard for me to stay connected to people when I live far away (I loath the phone and online social networking) and I find it even more challenging now that I'm a mom. I remembered this weekend that I'm more than wife and mom and I would like to give that other part of me some attention, too.

New Year, New Faces, New Insanity

Exciting news! I've invited a friend of mine to contribute some of her experiences to the site. I will let J's Mama introduce herself, but suffice it to say she's a wonderful mom and a great friend. I would probably have gone crazy if it weren't for her friendship and understanding! Stay tuned for her first post!! (No pressure JM ;)

Speaking of new faces, MLO has moved into and possibly out of the stage of making this hilarious Klingon face. It is in response to everything from happiness to frustration. If not for the myriad weirdos on the internet, I would share it with you. Much like the fearsome Klingons, MLO has begun to yell and scream. He mostly shares this over-vocalization when things simply aren't going his way. Remove him from the dog bowl? Ear-splitting shriek. Take the time to cut up his banana? Repeated angry yelling. Change his diaper? Both. It's really lovely to be yelled at for meeting his needs... all day long... every day.

He finally mastered coming down the stairs, though I would never allow him to do this unsupervised. He moves down feet first, backward. We decided early on that we didn't want to tempt him with gates. Gates present a challenge, and MLO loves nothing more than to do exactly what he knows we don't want him to do. Since I recently noticed him getting a foot up on the middle of a panel of Alcatraz, I decided that our decision was a good one. The last thing we need is a baby taking a header from over a gate at the top of 13 steps. I sometimes wish we had a gate at the bottom so that he were relatively penned in downstairs, but oh well. It keeps me on my toes. He actually took a spill from a few steps up the other day. I was standing a couple of feet from the bottom of the stairs, going over his list of tried solid foods when I glanced up and caught him tumbling down head first into our wood floor. We both freaked out. He was fine, scared but uninjured. I felt like a terrible mother. Of course I know better than to let my 10 month old play around the stairs; he's a fast little bugger and it doesn't take long for him to get much higher up the stairs than one might expect.

He has also begun to wave. This motion is somewhat rudimentary as it mostly consists of a fist in the air with perhaps the addition of a single finger or splayed hand in the direction of whomever's attention he is trying to get. His friend (2-weeks younger than he is) already has waving, clapping and head shaking down, and she has for months.

I've also made what, for me, is a big move. I have officially stopped the regular pumping I've been doing 2-3 times a day for the last 2 months. I hated it. It was restrictive, isolating, and increased the difficulty of caring for MLO when it was just me and him, because I had to pump when I had to pump regardless of whether he was asleep or not. This made tending to his needs and keeping him out of trouble especially challenging. The problem with this decision is that I don't have milk with which to make his cereal, which means that he isn't getting the high calorie, and ultimately nutritionally complete meal he was getting in the past. With his low weight and height I worry that I'm selfishly keeping him from breaking that 5% mark on the growth curve, though he isn't a hungry baby and he is already eating yogurts and cheeses.

Ah, the trials and triumphs of motherhood.

Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegon...

Parenting is not all sunshine and bliss...

and that's ok. I came accross a link to this on Offbeat Mama. These people have it right and say it in a way that is concise and sensical. This video will make you smile. Watch it.

How I Screwed up my Milk Supply

As you may know, I chose to breastfeed MLO. My goal was to keep him on breast milk for the first year of his life. I struggled with different breastfeeding challenges as he grew and his appetite and behaviours changed, but I never felt that my milk production was too low. When he started to eat solid foods I failed to remain diligent about retaining my production. I used to produce 8 ounces (oz) of milk at a pumping, but now I'm lucky if I get 4oz, and more often I only get 2oz. I wanted to share my experience with you in the hopes that you don't follow the same faulty path as I.

As MLO began to eat solid food I noticed that he would skip a nursing. He didn't seem to miss it much, whereas he was crazy excited about eating solid food. I figured that if he didn't want the milk, I didn't need to worry about pumping, so I just started skipping a couple of feedings a day. At first I pumped in the morning and at night when he was getting his solid food meal so that I could get enough milk for his cereal meals the next day. Often I would forget to pump in the morning, adding to the decrease of demand. When MLO started eating solid foods in the middle of the day I allowed him to simply nurse 1-2 times a day. I didn't pump at those increments of every 3 hours, times at which he used to nurse. As my body received signals that the milk wasn't being used, it simply stopped producing it.

At first I thought this was no big deal. He didn't want the milk and I was previously pumping around 8oz in a sitting, so the 1-2 pumping sessions a day should have been fine. What I didn't realize was that my production was going down overall, not just at the times when he didn't want it anymore. When it became difficult to pump 2oz in a sitting I knew I was in trouble. Hubby is actually a lactation physiologist, and though his expertise is in bovids, the hominid system is virtually the same. He implored me to begin pumping again at the 3hour intervals, warning me that if my milk supply did return, I would never produce as much as I did before I had allowed my supply to dwindle.

With diligent pumping and a significant increase in my water intake (60+ oz a day) I have been able to get my volume back up to between 2-4oz in a sitting. Through that time we used up a large portion of our frozen milk supply, so the odds of me having a day or 2 without the baby are slim to none. I rarely produce enough in a day to freeze, and MLO has re-discovered his affinity for breast milk. I now feed him every 3 hours and his middle of the day feedings consist of nursing and solids. It's obvious that there isn't much available for him in the middle of the day, but he still gets a good dose of milk in the morning. I am back to pumping only in the morning and at night (sometimes twice, if the timing is right), but with the feedings in the middle of the day he drains me well.

When I reflect on how I let this happen I touch on a couple of points. First,  I wanted to have a little more autonomy. I had committed myself to breastfeeding for a year in a very emotional way, but I was tired of being bound to the baby every 3 hours. That isn't to say that I didn't want to be around him, or didn't enjoy the act of nursing (which is wonderful quiet bonding time), it was more the need to stop whatever I'm doing wherever I am and find a discrete place to feed my kid. Nursing can be very isolating and can put the breaks on whatever you have going on. I wanted him to cut down on nursing because I wanted a little more freedom to go out and about. I also kind of wanted my boobs back. It follows then, that I wasn't too keen on pumping, because it isolated me in the same way that nursing did. Second, with a decrease in breastfeeding came a decrease in puke. We had lived in a sea of vomit for 6 months. This new-found respite from regurgitated milk felt fantastic. The less he nursed, the less puke I had to clean up off of myself, my son and my floor.

It was an easy trap to fall into. Unfortunately, the repercussions were far reaching and I regret having let it happen. Be smart: when your kid starts eating solids stay on the pump!

Back to Sleep

MLO is firmly in the 9 1/2 months old category and my hopes regarding this age a few months ago were centered around a night of uninterrupted sleep and a less torturous going to sleep routine. I'm proud to say that, largely, we have achieved this. I made my first post almost exactly 3 months ago and it's full of  frustration, anxiety, and of course, exhaustion. I noted how my son struggles to go to sleep and stay asleep. I lamented our lack of a firm routine.

Compared to nighttimes in September, going to sleep and staying asleep these days is relatively easy. The little guy starts to get loopy anywhere from 5:00-6:00 PM and we take that as a cue to eat dinner. He has a nice big meal of cereal and veggies then gets changed or bathed, depending on the night. After he has his pajamas on, he cruises around for a bit with either or both of us, in a quiet environment. We let him take the lead and crawl around, play with toys and babble and squeal. Once he rubs his eyes, starts to fuss or loses coordination enough to bump into something and overreact, we pull the trigger. We say goodnight to whoever is not putting him to bed, turn on the white noise, turn off the light, hold him close for a minute or two and lay him in bed. This results in... sleep. No huge cry-fest, no screaming fits, just sleep. It's such a relief. For the most part we get to sleep all night. The exception seems to come when he starts to clearly show teeth under those swollen gums. As they come closer to the surface he gets grumpier and has a propensity to wake in the middle of the night. If that happens, and he hasn't simply gotten his legs shoved uncomfortably into one leg of his jammies, we give him some Advil or try the homeopathic teething remedy I just got, and snuggle him until he calms down. Sometimes, as was the case last night, he won't calm down after we lay him back in bed. After about 30min of complaining I went down and tried to 'reboot' him. I changed his diaper, found his binkie, and sat with him for a few minutes in the rocking chair. When I laid him down he fussed a little, but as far as I could tell, went back to sleep relatively quickly

Napping, as you may know, has never been our strong-suit. This child has an uncanny ability to stay awake, especially if there is something going on. Not the lolling warmth and motion of the ergo baby, not the comfort and calm of his mothers arms can persuade this little mister to close his eyes during the day. I have found that he sleeps best in his crib and relatively well in his car seat. MLO wakes in the morning at around 6:00 (sometimes, to our great displeasure, much earlier) and is usually taking a morning nap by 8:30. That will often last for an hour or longer. Depending on his night of sleep, he will go down again 2-3 hours later, again for about an hour to an hour and a half. For the first 2 naps of the day he goes down easily. If we catch him before he has gotten over-tired we can simply lay him in bed and he'll go right down. Around 4:00 he starts to act like a brat. He rubs his eyes, complains and overreacts. We have dubbed that time, "The Witching Hour" because regardless of how utterly exhausted he acts, he will cry for an hour or more rather than go down for a nap. We have essentially given up on that one.

The biggest napping challenge we have encountered comes when we leave the house. I profoundly dislike trying to fit my errand running and life living into the 2-3 hour intervals between naps. Unfortunately, if MLO falls asleep in the car the likelyhood of A) the drive being longer than 20 minutes or B) him staying asleep when I take the car seat out of the car is slim to none. A greater challenge still, comes when we try to make up for the missed sleep later, say, around 4:00. As you may have guessed by the charming name we have for that time of day, we don't make up for the missed sleep. This means a handful of whining, uncooperative, loud baby and an exhausted mommy. Yay.

So how did we get from 3 months ago having to hold the little bugger down to get him to sleep to the present, when we can simply lay him in his crib and walk away? I have no idea. We did what seemed to work, taking one day at a time, working into our comfort level which stretched with lack of sleep and greater experience. I have listed what I've gleaned from this experience below:

1. There is no hard and fast rule.
2. Things tend to just work themselves out. Trial and error guided us well.
3. Listening to our kid has lead us to sleep. If we pay attention to him, usually we can get him to sleep without a struggle.
4. What worked yesterday might not work today.
5. Our comfort level changed as we worked through the challenge. We used to shrink completely from the idea of simply letting him sob. Until recently, letting him sob was at times the only way to get him to sleep (which we all needed ), and sometimes his sobbing was an indicator that he was in pain, had poop in his pants, was stuck in his jammies or simply needed a binkie and a loving squeeze. Which brings me back to #1.

So I'm pretty sure that I didn't ruin my kid for life by not choosing a sleep method and following it to the letter. I qualify our current sleeping situation as a success and don't regret any of the twists and turns we have taken to get here. As for your own sleep ride, well, I hope you don't have one. I hope your kid is the sort of kid that just falls asleep in his Ergo....

Social Experiment

Over the last few months I have been battling with a sense of ennui. I like the word ennui because it sounds rich and implies the sort of boredom that can only come from luxury. I mention this because I want to recognize that I have the luxury to stay home with my son. I don't want to imply that being at home every day with a child is necessarily akin to a day at the spa. In fact, in some personality types staying at home with your baby can lead to isolation, depression, a sense of total dependence on one's spouse and a feeling of worthlessness. These feelings come and go, but when I'm hit with them I have a hard time pulling myself out of the funk.

I made a commitment to myself to get out of the house at least every other day. I find this unexpectedly difficult. You might think I would be dying to get out of the house, but often I feel intimidated. I have so much to do and to take into account before I leave: does the baby have enough diapers, wipes, an extra change of clothes, enough food should we be gone over a meal? Has he slept, if not, will he nap while we're out and if not, am I willing to deal with the consequences for the rest of the day? What will I do with my crazy-ass dog who seems to destroy his surroundings or to mutilate himself if left alone? How will I afford my adventure? With all of these things to consider it's easy to push the outing back until after one more nap or meal. But I've learned to just go for it; keep that diaper bag stocked, screw the nap, skip the shower, take the dog over to the in-laws, do whatever it takes to get out.  

I find myself visiting the grocery store frequently. I don't shop in large quantities as regularly as I did before, so I make frequent smaller trips. MLO loves to sit in the grocery cart and look up at the lights and observe the rows of food. He always makes a friend or two. Now that my hiking class has finished for the quarter I need to go trekking on my own. This intimidates me because I don't want to make myself an easy target for mugging or other unpleasantness, but really, who is more vulnerable than a short, thin, lightly muscled mother carrying her infant down a trail? My senile 15 lb dog and my girly looking Pomeranian don't exactly imply ferocious, fight-to-the-death sort of companionship, so don't even go there. Besides, poor old Ricky shouldn't be made to walk more than two blocks. I compromise by walking around the neighborhood, or talking my mother-in-law into letting me come over and hang out for a bit (did you catch the note of sarcasm? My mother-in-law is always willing to hang out; I come with one of her favorite people. Also, I'm fairly certain she likes me :).

The major change came when I rediscovered yoga without the baby. A mommy friend of mine invited me to a yoga class with her and I really enjoyed it. The class had a nice flow to it, I fell easily into the rhythm, and by the end I felt peaceful and satisfied. The next day I was sore as hell, which added to my sense of accomplishment. Yes, yoga makes for a happy mommy, and a happy mommy makes for a happy house. Now, if I can just get a few classes in a week, all will be well.

I have also had the great fortune of taking an independent contractor position with an editing company. The group services authors (for which English is their second language) writing scientific papers. With my background in research and academia and my "abundant free time" I can squeeze out a few papers a week, no problem. This has added to my sense of accomplishment and to my feeling of partnership, since I'm not simply a drain on the bank account. I like that I can take or leave the work and finish it largely on my own time. The subject matter is varied and interesting and I hone my analytical skills by critiquing the science to myself. This has proven a great benefit to my psyche.

There are challenges to staying at home, as I'm sure there are challenges to working outside the home. In fact, I'm fairly certain that working outside the home is more challenging emotionally and physically, so I salute all of you who do that. For those of us that stay home, don't let yourself stay in that funk. Get out, get sane, your whole family will benefit from it!