The Decision

Growing up, I never had a desire to have children. I never babysat, I never changed a diaper, I never was around children. I am the youngest of three. I played with Barbie dolls and not baby dolls. I never felt very "motherly" and didn't have any sort of deep down reactions when I would see babies. When I was 18 I discovered I had ovarian cysts. One of the doctors I saw for this told me if I didn't have surgery to remove them, I may never have children. I didn't want to do the surgery and that was a risk I was willing to take.

When my husband and I started to get serious, I decided to tell him my feelings on the subject and was hoping he understood-I didn't care either way if we ever had children. Him and I both decided that if we were ever to have children it would have to be an accident. I took the birth control pill and never missed it, so it looked like we weren't going to be parents.

We had 2 dogs and that was fine for us. A Chihuahua and a French Bulldog. When the French Bulldog turned 3 he suddenly became paralyzed from the waist down. My husband took him to the vet and decided to do surgery on his spine. We were told he would have a 90% chance to walk again after 2-3 months. 3 months rolled around and no progress. We were even taking him to physical therapy sessions 2x a week. Now just to put this into perspective: The dog couldn't walk, he couldn't control his bladder or his bowels, and could no longer use his doggy door. He was wearing diapers which resulted in a severe rash. My husband and I both worked full time, so the dogs were alone while we were working. I couldn't stand making the poor thing get such a nasty rash, so we stopped with the diapers. Needless to say, we were mopping the floors at least three times a day. After 6 months of this we decided to surrender him to the French Bulldog Rescue Network, and have him fostered. He has since been adopted by a nice couple who lets him run in his wheelchair on a farm all day. I am sure he is much happier.

This leads to "The Decision". After we surrendered our dog, there was an emptiness in our lives. We no longer had something to "take care of" as my husband put it. We still had the Chihuahua but he was pretty self sufficient. My husband asked me if I would be willing to try to have a baby now, because we knew we could handle whatever the child would throw at us. At this point in my life I was willing to try. I had a man I loved, trusted, and respected, and I knew if he was willing to have a baby with me, he would help me out and support me through the whole process. I was nervous about the whole idea (what if I turn out to be a terrible mom, what if I find I don't love my child like a mother should, what if I get my hopes up about becoming pregnant to find I am not able to have children) but decided to jump in and go for it. We tried for only 3 months and I was pregnant! I took the pregnancy test and was a ball of nerves waiting for the results. Once the test was finished and I saw that ominous word "PREGNANT" on the stick.........well, I can't put all my emotions into words. The most important and prominent one though---Pure JOY and EXCITEMENT. I was actually thrilled to become a mom. Me- the woman who never wanted kids. The one who could barely take care of a dog was now going to be responsible for a human life. Hot Dang!